That's All I Have to Say About That (Archived Apr 2001)

Subject: That's all I have to say about that
Date: Thu, 12 Apr 2001 12:12:43 -0700 (PDT)
In an effort to head off Simon and drop a diamond I have chosen to make today the day that I let the world (or at least the chosen few on this email) know what Jamal thinks and what Jamal say pisses him off.
First off let me just say that some people have been wondering where I am and why I haven’t been emailing on a regular basis. Well my friends don’t get you feeling hurt it’s just the fact that my boss seems to think doing work is actually good for me (I disagree of course) and frankly it take time to come up with great original shit. Additionally, I believe that unnecessary forwards are the junk mail of the Internet so I focus on sending out only original Jamal thoughts (you like how I’m talking about myself in the third person….you know I think that must be the first thing they teach pro athletes in school). While I’m on the subject of forwards do people really believe that they constitute a reply or that they qualify as original email. I mean lets think about this if I came to your house every day and dumped my junk mail on your table (including the Christian singles dating service package that I receive at least once a week) would we still be friends? I think not. What I really think you would be say is "Oh no this Nigga didn’t just drop all this shit on my table what do I look like the postmaster general". Additionally do you just send miscellaneous mail to people’s houses just because you have their addresses? I mean damn I’ve gotten forward from people who have never sent me a real email, and wedding announcements from SBI people that I don’t even know, like I want to read that shit? I just really think people need to think before they forward and if it is a good forward damn it tell me why its good don’t just forward that shit to me. Now on to the good shit namely shit that pisses me of and other related tales and opinions from Jamal:
The Name Change- I am now and forever changing my name to J-Daddy…………Why you might ask? In an effort to win the heart of one Miss J-Lo I have change my name because I figure that if it worked for Puff Daddy now P Diddy it will definitely work for me. So all of you can expect an announcement of our upcoming nuptials in the near future.
Return of the Player Card- I am happy to announce that Ricardo Simon is no longer operating the airline known as Rico Air. Yes ladies this means that the brother is back on the market and should you wish to join the fan club just show him some love and you too could win a flight to see the Golden Gate Bridge (and for the greedy girls out there no you don’t get to keep the air miles). The sad thing about the return of the card is that as we all know this is like Fred Biletnikoff returning to the NFL now that stick-um is outlawed………we’re in for a bunch of dropped balls. Now we all now the every nigga drops the ball some of the time but this nigga drops the ball all the time……..even hand offs……….it’s sad it’s just really sad but all the same the player card has returned.
Pimpin in the 01-Where is it written that nigga’s always need a nice ride to pull the girls. Quote from BiG Mike "Dog we need to lock down this limo for the Luau because you know the honeys are going to be all over us when we pull up at the club." Whatever happened to getting a girl in a Yugo…..now that takes real skill…….and don’t even let me start talking about pulling up to the house on the BMX with the tight rims because if it ain’t on 20 you might as well be walking. Now let me also say that women don’t help this matter by flocking to the nigga in the new Lex or the tight Land Rover……"Girl did you see that Nigga in that car"……..the real question should be "did you know that Nigga lives with his mom" or "did you know that Nigga don’t have furniture at his house" that is the real question.
Them cool ass Japanese muther fuckers-Now last email I kind of laid into the Japanese for their inability to make a quality product on time. Well I now have a PS2(I had to sneak this grandma with a dvd across the face to pry it out of her hands but she will be ok in a couple of weeks and I’m sure her grandkids understand that they’re not getting their birthday present because grandma tried a brother in Bestbuy) and let me just say that I have a little piece of heaven in my house and the 36 " Sony Vega was made for this system. Oh yeah and rather than getting my ass kicked by little kids in Bestbuy I am now getting my ass kicked by the computer and I’m not really sure which is better.
Darryl Strawberry- Now with every email I like to point out those black people who are truly achieving in or society (see Rae Carruth) so this time I must talk about Strawberry. OK so let me get this strait you were riding home from the drug rehab center with a woman in AA (why?) when you were kidnapped robbed and held hostage for four days (damn dog) and during that time you happened to smoke crack (I bet they made you smoke it). You know what….first I’m just going to start calling that nigga Pookie, second I think the crack was the only true part of the story, and third that story is right up there with Rae Carruth’s on the believability scale. Which bring us back to Rae…..damn you’re a dumb Nigga I mean Darryl’s story ain’t believable but shit he’s a crack head so what can we expect. You know it’s sad but I think we should all put together a collection to buy Darryl some crack and let him smoke until his heart is content because who’s he really hurting?
Tiger Wood yall-You know I take a lot of pride in black guy with a big stick beating white people’s ass on a regular basis and because of that he is my Nigga. So what if he is a "big teethed bastard" that nigga can hit the ball better than any one else. Next sport bowling…..I sure there is some little fucker out in the hood talking shit and practicing with a basketball and some tin cans.
Kobe "the new black hole"- Now that Kobe has returned to the Lakers I just have on thing to say to Shaq "Hold on to the damn ball because if you give it up you ain’t getting it back".
DC metro area bumming again - I’m not even going to say shit about the Terps but you know I did here that there was a 0.00000000000000000000000000000001% chance that Mike was going to play for the Wizards…..naw even he ain’t that stupid. That’s all I have to say about that and these are the words of J-Daddy and until the next time peace.