Friday, June 24, 2005

A Quiz from Our Resident HipHop Historian B Holcomb

Before we get into this edition of "The quiz", two friendly reminders

a) Please set your Tivo/DVR/VCR for what can potentially be the greatest reality show of all time..."Being Bobby Brown" Thursday June 30th 9pm EST on BRAVO

b) Kimberly Jones (b/k/a Lil' Kim) gets sentenced today (June 24th 2005). Please be sure "Playas Anthem" and "Diamonds" (Which in my opinion are her two greatest flows) get some rotation out of your speakers this weekend.

(Answers to the quiz will be posted next week)

1) How many chapters were there in EPMD's collection of "Jane" sagas?

2) This guy really wants a Gangsta b_____. Oh wait, let me rephrase that b/c that could be anybody. This guy came on the scene in the early 90s with the single "Gangsta ______". Name him.

3) HIP HOP WORD ASSOCIATION: (1 pt each)
Flava Flav is to Chuck D as ___________ is to MC Hammer (I'm sorry, the mere mention of the name MC Hammer brings about a chuckle at minimum. BTW I have a friend from Dallas, TX that can "Mongoose" like no other)

_______ is (was) to Foxxy Brown as Lil' Kim is (was) to Junior M.A.F.I.A.

for 3 point bonus...according to Biggie what did the acronym M.A.F.I.A. stand for?

4) What was unique about the Pharcyde's 1996 video entitled "Drop"?

5) This guy played the legendary Joey Simmons in the movie "Krush Groove"

6) Where did Q-Tip & Phife used to kick routines where the presence was fittin'?

7) The front man of the group Main Source is _________ (BTW am I the only one left that still has hope of his album coming out??)

8) Complete the following line "Eazy...hey Eazy! Why you wear your pants like that??"

9) According to B. Holcomb, he believes this former Real World Season 1 cast member escalated the Biggie/Pac feud via print media. Name this person. (HINT: He was the one MTV constantly portrayed as "angry")

10) Who would Ice Cube prefer to leave the parties to shake your rump to?
Still convinced Timbaland says "ungh" more than Biggie,

B. holcomb

Answers posted in the comments section.

That's All I Have to Say About That (Rio Recap)

Return from RIO:

So the boy are back from Brazil. How was it the readers may ask? Well the Boys: That Damn Ric Simon ("He won’t wife them but he might light their wrist"), Jamiz ("The New Rick James"), Davis ("I went with an agenda and as soon as I got there I threw it all out the window"),PJ (the tour guide), Kong (also known in some circles as Killer) with a guest appearance by Jumoke ("the life saver") all had a great time. Oh yeah and E Troupe was there to keep us in line.
First lets start with some basic take-aways from the trip:
Brazil has by far the best looking women in the world, dimes are a dime a dozen if you know what I mean. A warning to the ladies in the US that like to act a fool when dealing with Brothas. At some point Brothas WILL start import these girls and when that happens you better watch out because you think good brothas are scarce now, well just wait (this has been your public service announcement).

1.) I’m sure TDRS will cover this but the URS must be revised or at least recalibrated when in Brazil.

2.) Up until going to Brazil I never understood why guys were speechless when I ask them how their trip was……………well I understand now.

3.) The meat in Brazil is by far the best I have ever tasted, absent all the social activities, the sun and the fun I would have made the trip just for the meat and that is no lie.

4.) Exchange rates are a beautiful thing 2.5 Reals to the dollar allows brothas to ball till they fall, drink till the faint and live it up big willy style like the Jigga man.

5.) The music videos don’t do it justice.

6.) If you ever go to Rio, a warning, don’t ever, ever, ever, ever, go on any party boats, I’m not going to explain but that is enough said. There are about 25 brotha’s from H-town that will fill you in if you ask them.

A few Memorable Quotes from the Trip:

Early Departures:
"Yeah I know I have only been here for two days but I am ready to go home."

Spending Habits:
"I don’t care what you say but I am not going to the casino ATM tonight"
"How much did that chicken cost"

The Sights
"Man I am tired of looking at women"
"Please tell her to go sit down"
"I saw that she was talking but she was just so fine that I had a hard time listening"

The Ways of the World:
"There is our world and then there is Kong’s world"

Brothas and the Admirals Club:
"Yeah I might be able to get one of you in the Admirals Club"
"Dude there are two of us what is the other guy supposed to do"
"I mean you guys can switch off"
"Dude I’m going back outside"
"Cool I’ll see you on the plane"

Air Travel from Rio to Belo:
"This is by far my favorite airline"
"You know this might be the first time that I pay attention to the seat belt demonstration"
"Did you want something from the stewardess"
"No"
"Please tell her to go sit down"

This is a Marathon Not A Sprint (you better make sure your liver is ready if you travel with the boys)
"You guys better drink I am already a drink ahead of you"
"You obviously don’t understand who you are traveling with"
"Last night I fell down the stairs and my shoes ended up on opposite sides of the club"
"Man it was crazy because I fell so hard that people in the club were coming over to pick me up"

I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up
"So you fell in the shower"
"Yeah"
"How did that happen"
"I don’t know man but all I could think was damn not again, this happened last time I was here"
"This happened last time, What the hell are you doing in there dude"

To conclude: male readers if you have not gone to Brazil buy a ticket tomorrow (you will thank me). To the women readers you better treat brothas right because if we can’t import them we will institute a frequent flyer program.

A Few Observations from Daily life

Cassidy
Not sure if anyone noticed this but your favorite hustler Cassidy was indited the other day for murder and weapons charges in Phili. Here is the summary of the event as reported on MTV.com:

Police claim Cassidy and two other men, armed with .45 and .40 caliber handguns, 9 mm pistols, AK-47 assault rifles and 7 .62 mm rifles, fired on three unarmed men during an argument behind a house in the rapper's northwest Philadelphia neighborhood, killing one of them — 22-year-old Desmond Hawkins. The other two victims were treated at a hospital for gunshot wounds and released.

Now some may argue that he did this to sell more albums. Or maybe he did this because he needed a jail stint to improve his street cred. Or maybe he just did it because he felt like living in an 8x10 cell would be much better than living in a mansion but all that being said "What the hell is wrong with rappers these days"? Now because of his stupidity I am officially giving Cassidy the annual Rae Carruth achievement award (if you are not familiar with this award please see the December 2000 edition of That’s All I have to Say). He is now joining distinguished company as previous winners include Daryl Strawberry, The Bush Daughters and Robert Kelly.
So I’ve got a couple of questions for Cassidy:
So you shot these guys in back of your house?
Why?
Did you think the neighbors wouldn’t notice?
Was it necessary to use 11 different guns?
Can 3 guys hold 11 guns?
That’s 3.7 guns per person, were extra arms involved?
Does it really take that many guns when the men you fired on are unarmed (damn the least you could have done was lend them a couple of guns so that it was a fair fight)?

So you’re a hustler huh? Well I think that is really going to be put to the test in the pen son.

Free MJ
I’m glad to see that Mike is free because I really didn’t want to see him become the meat in a man sandwich while in the pen. So to commemorate his new found freedom I have just a bit of advice to Mike’s friends and family……..If you are smart you will make that Grown Ass Man turn off the rides and start hanging out with adults (preferably strippers just so there is no more question about his sexuality or his perceived preference for Under Roos rather than Victoria Secrets).

Questions for People Who Love MJ
What’s up with all these people who lived outside the courthouse during the MJ trial including the women who let doves go for each not guilty plea. Don’t these people have jobs, how do you get off work for a month and a half to stake out the MJ trial? Where do you get a box of doves from? Do you need a permit to release doves? Given this years vacation what’s the next vacation? Would these people let their kids sleep over at Neverland now?

and That’s All I Have to Say About That.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

TDRS-THE OBRIGADO RIO EDITION

What up man? Did you relocate to Brazil or what? TDRS is starting to become an urban legend. You know in Hot-lanta you’re only as good as your last appearance and brotha you been MIA for a minute…Yas

What up FAM? What up Folk? I know, I know, it’s been far too long and I sincerely apologize to all of my people for being “incog-NEGRO” for the last month or so. I have an excuse and it all has to do with my vacation to Brazil, which will be highlighted later in this edition. I really wanted to put out an edition before departing for Rio, but I had a number of work related assignments that unfortunately were a priority. TDRS is definitely my priority, but since I am not being paid for “spitting that hot fire” like Dylan, Dylan, & Dylan every week, I had to take care of “the man” first because “he” pays me the dollars to live this pimp lifestyle out on them mean streets of Atlanta and I guess worldwide.

Before I “spit that hot fire”, I got to send a special shout out to my girl E Dukes who just had a B-day (June 20th) and to the new readers (‘Warren C., Robert M. and Khalilah). Quick shout out to J Reid for the pics from his trip to my old stomping grounds in Shanghai, China. Did you know that there was a Popeye’s chicken in Shanghai? Did you also know that the cashiers there have the same stank attitude like the ones in the U.S. I’ve got pics to prove it. Anyway, brothas with passports are a scary thing! I also like to thank T Mayo’s mom for her eloquent reply to the “You Don’t Know Me Edition”. I’d also like to send another special shout out to the wonderful part-time editors who are always keeping ya boy on the right track (for all intents and purposes right Trish?).

Instead of overloading you guys with the mailbag, I decided after advice from another part-time editor (S Davis) to put the mailbag at the end. We’ll see how this works, but if you guys like it the other way, let a brotha know. In addition to hitting you up with an email, I’ll also post the most current edition on the website. For those that don’t already know you can check out ya boys at http://hollaatyaboys.blogspot.com. This way you all can post your well-written and hilarious comments directly to the site. If you want to hit me up directly, you all know what to do and you know I do respond! If your replies are worthy, I’ll definitely post them in the next TDRS.

So I guess some of you are wondering what’s up with the title for this week’s edition. Well to be brief, “obrigado” is Portuguese for “thank-you”. So yes, I am essentially saying thank-you to Rio in this edition, and boy do I thank Rio. This will be a relatively short one, so my apologies to those (Yas and a few new readers) who are expecting that 4,000+ word classic rant. A brotha has to get back into the swing of things and believe me I got plenty of material to hit you with in the coming weeks. This edition is sort of an introduction or executive summary to next week’s edition that will be entitled “The Efficient Market Theory/Hypothesis (EMH)”. To all my business/finance buffs out there, yes, your boy is going to answer the oft-debated question of whether the market (and ya’ll know what market I’m talking about) is truly efficient. For those who didn’t have the fortune or shall I say misfortune to take Dr. Larry Frieder’s Theory of Finance class at FAMU, I’ll make sure to thoroughly explain the “theory” and it’s implications out there on them mean streets. While I’m thinking about it, I think the next month of TDRS will be entitled Special Topics in Finance and How They Relate to Life On Them Mean Streets.

Rio, Rio, Rio
There is no good way to discuss ya boys’ adventure into those mean streets of Rio De Janeiro. I wish I could have chronicled every waking minute and even those sleeping ones too, but I couldn’t. It was pretty much close to impossible. However, I did figure out a way to summarize our adventure, while at the same time forcing you guys and gals to actually “think outside of the box” to really understand why I am giving thanks to Rio. A few people will immediately understand b/c they were there, some will understand because they’ve been there, some will try hard to understand because they want to go there and the rest just won’t understand.

To make this easy, I decided to byte off my man J Jackson (aka Rick James) and present this in bullet point/Manifesto form. Folks, the following are my observations and thoughts while I was in Rio.

1) Strokers, Cheetah, Magic City, Club Nikki’s, Blue Flame, Platinum 21. Why?
2) What happens in Rio, will happen again, and again in Rio.
3) Vegas? Yeah Right!
4) Breakfast buffets, Outback Steakhouse? Give me a break!
5) Wow. Rum + Limes + Ice + Sugar. This is some sort of seriously spiked Kool-aid concoction.
6) The Universal Ratings Scale has forever been adjusted.
7) I mean if you can draft a Manu Ginobili, why would you waste your time with a Chris Paul?
8) I mean if you can draft a Manu Ginobili on the “cheap” why would you waste your time with anyone period!
9) Hey Hugh Hefner, I don’t need an invitation to your stinking parties!
10) Oh yeah, the smell on my white “robe” trumps your smoking jacket any day playa.
11) Hey Gabrielle Union, it truly “has been brought”.
12) So Jerry Maguire had “her” at at hello? Well she had me at “Oye”.
13) I wish I had two more hands to give “four thumbs up”!
14) Wow, so my visa is good for five years?
15) So you mean I can go back as many times as I want for five years?
16) Do I have to go back? ….
17) Sorry, when do I have to come back?
18) I haven’t really seen any “American” couples in Rio.
19) I definitely haven’t seen any African-American couples in Rio.
20) Wow E. Troupe is the only African-American female in this entire city. Hmmm. I wonder why.
21) I’ve never had to use mathematics this much in my life.
22) If you can divide quickly in your head, you’re halfway there in Rio.
23) Wow “there are some ho’s in the house. If you see them point em out”
24) I’m sorry I was just pointing at you, not calling you over. But since you’re here….
25) Voce fala ingles?
26) No? That’s okay with me.
27) “Beautiful, Girl I want you to know, that you’re my favorite girl”…
28) ….. Today that is.
29) “Bar Etiquette” is truly a worldwide thing.
30) Wait a minute. I just had to purchase drink tickets for this club, but I didn’t have to stand in line. How did they do that?
31) Ahh, I see now. They have multiple counters from which to buy drink tickets. These guys are really smart down here.
32) At what point do you say enough is enough?
33) Who created this whole pinch me to make sure I’m not dreaming thing anyway?
34) I can’t feel a thing! Oh wait a minute I felt that though. ….that tickles.
35) Hey PJ if you call this “bottom feeding” then I’ll take the shrimp and crawfish all day and twice-on Sunday.
36) I truly understand why Rick James was one of the baddest muthafu#$ on the planet.
37) If I cash out of my 401k, sell my car, borrow money from friends and family and never go to chic-fil -a ever again then maybe I’ll have enough.
38) “I’m very happy to be here”…I really understand how Akeem felt when he arrived in Queens with Semi.
39) Suite or regular room???
40) I think “poles” are just an American thing.
41) You think I’m beautiful? Huh?
42) My name is Davis biatch!…..that was for you T-Dog
43) Wow this old James Brown song won’t get out of my head.
44) Is that Crisco Oil? No man that’s sun tan lotion.
45) So it’s his job is to apply sun tan lotion all day?
46) Please tell her to “Go sit down”!
47) Buyer’s happiness….
48) Buyer’s remorse
49) “Oh yet and still, you wouldn't believe your eyes if you went to Brazil”…..Ludacris and Bobby Valentino were definitely on to something in the Pimpin All Over the World track!
50) Chao! Obrigado!


Final Thoughts…..
I apologize again for not at least letting everyone know that I was going to be on vacation. The good thing is that you’ve all had a nice break from TDRS, so you’re minds are eager to interpret that “hot fire”. Be ready, because TDRS is going to take it up another notch in the following weeks.

HollaAtYaBoy!

The MailBag
What up, Ric! This weeks TDRS, “You don’t know me” was straight every now and again pimps have to tackle politics and the human condition it’s part of our philanthropic side! Seems to me these days that people don’t know how to “act right” whether it’s players in the league, the black community at large or political figures, etc. Maybe you’ll bless us in the future with a TDRS that addresses Acting Right or the lack there of! I know many times in my life I have heard many a women utter the words “Girl, why can’t he just act right!” Anyway, I’m still waiting for the OMSA addition – now that you’ve done your civic duty get back to the subject at hand! J

· Every once in a while you put in a plug for your search for the "dime" wife. It really cracks me up. (-: · Hey y'all, I couldn't resist forwarding this week's TDRS to my mother for her opinion. Eb, you know my mother loved this!!! Carlos, you know my mother loves you but as you can see she had a lot to say........... Gentlemen: (TDRS and Angry black man), I had the opportunity to read your web dialogue and found the subject and context extremely profound and it peaked my interest, thus led me to provide some additional comment. I have always been impressed by the intelligence, imagination, creativity and humor of the African American, then I find myself wondering how we have ended up with such mediocre and milquetoast leaders, such as, Jesse Jackson, Kwesi Mufume , Andrew Young and Martin Luther King III to name a few. The problems that have plague our African American brothers and sisters include, but is not limited to disaffection and disillusionment, in addition the politizing and economic apartheid has provide a platform for Mexican (illegal or legal to become the new negro, as stated by the Angry Black Man). There has been this recent movement between the government and corporations to dominate the political and economical stability of national communities, particularly, minorities. Mexicans be legal or illegal provide a mechanism for manipulation and control. As it currently stands our European People (White Americans) are quicklybecoming the minority, to that point it causes fear and concern of losing control. This illicit marriage of corporate and political, leads us to President Fox and the Texans (Goode ole boys), go figure......One has to wonder why Pres. Fox felt compel to use his bi-lingual abilities when making such an observable and generalize statement concerning the work abilities or desires of African Americans as a platform to justify the means to an end. The marketing and selling of Mexican capital. I would reference a previous study on racial inequality, which assumes that the relative failure of Black employees in the labor market is partially related to their work habits and lower organizational attachment, this assumption is permeated throughout our global network.Thus, providing a negative stereotype that we are not willing to take lower level paying jobs, in addition we are not willing to take responsibility for our economic existence. The undeclared American Apartheid is one key component of the economic basis of racism.During his visit to Mexico, the Rev. Jesse L. Jackson said that he welcomed the remarks, in a backhand sort of way. This causes one to pause and pontificate our suppose leadership and, begs to question who benefits from this comment? Jesse L. Jackson or African Americans. In addition Jesse further stated, "President Fox has opened a door, "Just like the bus driver who put Rosa Parks off the bus. He opened a door for us to talk about the system of denial." Is it denial or just ignorance?One would call it the involuntarily" racist attitude. Young adults, when you attempt to excuse away 200 years of slavery and oppression placed on a group of people who did not enter through the Ellis Island Gateway, it causes the great ancestors that came before you were a seed in your mother's womb, to quiver in their resting places. I grew up during the Civil Rights Era, my parents were part of the struggle, of which they fought for all to have the right to eat, drink, live, work and enjoy this land that our ancestors help to build along with the Native American must we forget. I'm sure you would say there is no struggle or cause to fight for; however, I would challenge you to look to the trees and particularly Stone Mountain, where many slaves were hung from trees and thrown over the mountain to their deaths, because of inferiority and fear. My father recently cited one fact that he constantly relieves daily, when we think about religion, how during his childhood the white people would go to church pray and get the spirit and then have their picnics under the tree while a black man hung above. You may not be going through the back doors, or seeing visual signs that read for WHITES ONLY, I would caution that institutional racism is ever so present and the doors are lock, only this time you have keys, continue to use them as eventually you will unlock all the doors. Please honor those who came before you with pride and dignity and self worth. President Fox comment should fuel discussions such as this and hopefully, just hopefully as you are moving on up you turn around and using Poncho Brown's painting caption "He Ain't Heavy" pull up your young brothers and sisters, mentor, guide and share the wealth of knowledge. Follow the path of history and knowledge. "KNOWLEDGE IS WORTHLESS, IF IT IS NOT SHARED",Tom Brooks, Historian Thank youMs. Mayo

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