Keeping the "Card"

This article has been a topic of discussion in my circle the past few days. It seems funny because almost every friend that I have is dropping out the game and turning in their "player card." They are either getting married and having kids or having kids and getting married. In fact, I'm heading to another celebration of nuptials this weekend.

Although recently the NYTimes had an article that stated that married couples are now officially a minority in the total population, (click here) you could never tell from the people that I encounter. It seems like every other week, I'm getting an invitation in the mail or hearing about a friend that is getting ready to tie-the-knot.

However there are a few us that are holding on (tightly) to our bachelor lifestyles. This article gives the top ten reasons why men will not commit to relationships. I must that admit that I found many of the reasons to valid (some more than others). Check out the list below and for the full article, which goes into further discussion click here.


10 Reasons Men Won't Commit

Reason 1: Men can get sex without marriage more easily than in times past. The men reported that meeting women is easy: at bars, through friends, at work, and on the Internet. Though men want to become friends with a woman before becoming seriously involved, casual sex, they said, is easy to come by.

Reason 2: Men can enjoy the benefits of having a wife by cohabiting rather than marrying. Men think living together is a good way to test out a marriage prospect. They also view living together as less risky than marriage. At the same time, the men in the study like the convenience of having a regular sex partner. And several said they appreciate the domestic benefits of cohabitation, and the ability to share expenses, but thought marriage unnecessary at this point in life.

Reason 3: Men want to avoid divorce and its financial risks. Men feel that their financial assets are better protected if they cohabit rather than marry. They also fear that an ex-wife will take financial advantage during settlement proceedings.

Reason 4: Men want to wait until they are older to have children. Although men understand that women worry about their biological clocks, they say they don't have to. And they don't want to be pressured into marriage by women who want marriage in order to have children.

Reason 5: Men fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises. The men savor their freedom to enjoy hobbies, late nights out and freedom from extra financial burdens. They want to postpone absorbing extra responsibilities until they are on extra-solid footing in a number of areas.

Reason 6: Men are waiting for the perfect soul mate and she hasn't yet appeared. A soul mate, the men said, is a woman who accepts them just as they are and won't try to change them. The men said they don't want to settle for second-best. In some cases, the men even said they were living with a woman who was their version of a second-best partner. These men are continuing to hunt for the perfect soul mate.

Reason 7: Men face few social pressures to marry. Today's young men encounter few traditional pressures from religion, employers or society to marry. Some said they have been mildly teased from parents who want grandchildren, but most of the men said their parents are willing to help support them -- and even allow them to move back home -- until they are ready to marry.

Reason 8: Men are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children. Men said they feel badly if they establish a relationship with the children of a woman and then break up with the mother. They also want to avoid competition and conflict with the children's biological father. One man says that it is easier to date a woman with children if the father is entirely out of the picture.

Reason 9: They want to own a house before they get a wife. Men want to be financially "set" before they marry. For many men, this means home ownership should come before marriage. Most of the men interviewed are living with a parent, relative, roommates or girlfriends.

Reason 10: Men want to enjoy a single life as long as they can. Men fear losing their solitary pleasures by marrying, the study found. And they become accustomed to their own space and routines. They enjoy the freedom of not having to be responsible to anyone else.

TDRS: THE LIQOUR COMMANDMENTS EDITION

What Up Fam? What Up Folk? It’s ya boy, TDRS coming at you one mo gin with another 2000 word blast to get you through the rest of your Thursday or to kick start your Friday. I should start off with the following public service announcement. Feel free to put on the "Black Album" right now. TDRS and the “Girlie” are getting hitched this fall and yes I stayed true to my word in the "Diamonds on My Neck Edition". The Girlie is now officially “so icey, so icey”. To make matters even BETTER, TDRS is going to be a very proud DAD around Valentines Day 2007, so please say a prayer for me and the Girlie, b/c if “Baby Simon” is anything like his or her Dad, the world should be very, very, afraid!

Anyway, with an announcement like that I’m sure you guys are thinking this is the end of TDRS. We’ll you’re wrong because I’m going to keep on bringing that straight fire. Aint nothing going to break my stride, ain’t nothing going to hold me down, Oh NO!

So let’s get to the topic at hand. Many, if not all of you have read the Bar Ettiquette Edition and live by that classic still today. The subject matter was pretty much concentrated on the rules of the bar, but as I have matured in age, I have realized (and so have my friends) that it’s really not about the bar anymore. It’s about the company you keep AND the alcohol you drink. Because I am a struggling alcholic, (defined as one who doesn’t have the cash to drink like he used to) I feel the need to talk about liquor a bit more in depth.

A Few Clear & Simple COMMANDMENTS for Struggling Alcoholics.

#1 Thou shall not order a mixed drink at a sports bar on Saturday or Sunday until after 6:30pm.

It’s amazing how this simple rule is broken far too often, especially among guys. Ladies, I’m going to give you a pass on this one. Now that I think about it, maybe I will not. If you really dig deeper into the commandment, it’s really saying don’t go to a sports bar period, if you plan on drinking a mixed drink. I mean who plans on going to a sports bar after 6:30pm on a Saturday anyway? And to go there to order a mixed drink?

A sports bar is meant to be a venue to watch sports! One doesn’t go to a sports bar during football season, to watch “a” game. One goes to watch GAMES. To do that, one must have endurance and mixed drinks don’t give you that for a number of reasons. First, mixed drinks don’t last very long anyway, so you’re forced to order at least 2-3 before halftime. Secondly, 2-3 mixed drinks are expensive (especially since bartenders expect a larger tip to shake a tin cup full of ice for 30 seconds....more on this later) and could result in more expenses later on. The more you spend on liquor, the less you spend on wings, which means less food, a higher buzz and a MUCH higher likelihood to get a DUI.

Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that mixed drinks take time to make, which means that’s less time I get from the bartender to simpy fill up my pitcher of beer. You see from 12-6:30pm all the bartender should be doing is this…(i) look at my pitcher to see if its empty, (ii) give me a nod to see if it’s cool to bring another, (iii) pick up my empty pitcher and put it on the rack, (iv) pull down the lever for the draft beer and finally, (v) put it back where he/she took it from. There is no expectation for a tip here b/c he/she knows you’re in it for the long hall. See how easy that is?

Now I say all this because, I want to make it known to all the ladies out there that the sports bar is probably the safest place for your boo. If he loves sports, particularly football, he goes there to watch FOOTBALL! If you want him to stay home then feel free to purchase 6 mini flat screens and the direct t.v. NFL Package and heck he’ll love you forever. Now that I think about it, you can probably save money that way.

#2 Bring alcohol to others, as you would have them bring alcohol to you!

If I have never said it before, I am going to say it right now, and that is that white people are cool. Not only do they always have an endless supply of wine, they also have an ample supply of beer and not just corona. White people live to entertain and because of that all struggling alcholics should take advantage of them…as much as you can. The other cool thing about white people is that they respect their neighboor. Whenever there is a party, white people not only bring alcohol and beer, they bring GOOD alcohol and beer. I will say that Black folks have overcome and really make an effort to bring alcohol…However, coming with a six pack of icehouse or that pocket sized bottle of “goose” has got to stop and I mean stop right now!

#3 “It is also much better to GIVE alcohol than to receive”.
The one other quality that differentiates white people from BLACK people is that they really do enjoy giving. You can invite your white friends over for a quiet evening and they STILL bring alcohol. Not so with black people. It’s like we have to a written contract that states in BOLD PRINT to bring something. What’s funny is that white people rarely if ever have an event where it’s BYOB or BYOF. The difference in cultures really amazes me sometimes.

#4. Contradition to #3, but I don’t care……”Ask and you shall receive”.
If you’re a struggling alcoholic, like I am then an easy way to get alcohol on the cheap is to just ask for it. Now I’m not too big in to just giving folks money for nothing, I want them to earn it and the same can be said for alcohol. My man J Jackson and I were once struggling alcoholics at FAMU, primarily because we wanted to drink, golf, and eat a Guthries box (extra toast, extra sauce, no slaw, extra fries) everyday. To quench or thirst for alcohol, we decided to have an Alcohol Party called Rum Thursday. This was absolutely pure genius because folks actually brought Rum to our house every week. It’s almost like our house was a locker to keep their liquor. Now we did work for this by cooking pound cakes ($4) and making my famous $hit in the bowl ($5) and it worked. This was definitely a win-win situation. We spent 9 bucks and got easily 40-50 bucks of liquor per week. As Hannibal would say…”I love it when a plan comes together”.

#5. If it smells like what you think it is, then it’s probably not that good!
Have you ever smelled Smirnoff and noticed a very distinctive smell? Were you like me and thought that all Vodka’s smelled that way? We’ll as I’ve said, I have matured and I try really hard to drink the best a struggling alcoholic can buy and its NOT Smirnoff. I mean Ciroc is vodka, but you’d have a hard time figuring that out if you had to sniff it blindfolded. I have really learned that some of the best things in life are those things that aren’t so distinctive from the outside or inside, for that matter. For instance, I just became a fan of the Wire b/c the people on the show are SO real. You watch it and you think it’s some realty show that is actually real! But it’s not. The people on the wire are real actors…now they may just be playing themselves, but hey at least they are getting paid for it. I mean I strongly doubt if these folks/actors really cover up dead bodies with lye or buy high-powered nail guns in real life. Anway, I am saying all this to say, stick with quality liquor b/c it’s really cheaper for you at the end of the day. Why? Because

1. You really savor quality liquor and never let it go to waste.
2. You always hide quality liquor when friends come over. In essence you only give them the cheap stuff.
3. When you buy quality liquor at a club, you and the bartender are very cautious with the level of chaser…too much chaser ruins a good thing!
4. If you’re a struggling alcholic like I am, you will go the cheap route and drink it straight, which makes it stronger, which makes it tough to finish it quickly, which means less drinks, and MORE money in your pocket.

Vodka aside, I still do enjoy a really good crown & coke, so if I’m in your area be sure to keep a bottle ready.

#6. Thou SHALL covet another person’s martini at the bar.
If you and a friend are struggling, then may I suggest ordering the same drink at the same time from the same bartender. I have noticed that a bartender always overcompensates on the liquor b/c he wants to fill both martini glasses with one shaker. Unfortunately for the bartender this rarely works, so he/she ends up making a second one that is not as potent to fill up the other glass. If you are a struggling alcoholic, I’d take the first one, because it has more liquor, which means a quicker buzz and less money trying to buy another martini…this is of sort of like a buy two and get the first one for 10% off.

The Miscellaneous Vent-TDRS’s Opinion

This week’s miscellaneous vent is surrounding NBC and their coverage of child preditors last night. First of all, the coverage went a bit overboard with the luring of these men to a house 1.5 hrs south of Atlanta…to meet either a 15yr girl or boy, whatever they wanted. What does it solve? Sure it temporarily locks up a wanna be R. Kelly, but they get out and continue to do the same things. These people have problems and readily admit it and people are trying to help them…but there still lies another problem and that’s the innocent/naive 15-year girl/boy on the other screen. TDRS doesn’t have a cold hard solution, but I know that my parents raised me to not even play with fire (I did and burned a whole forest down and that’s another story) and that part of the equation is being forgotten. These Dateline folks/parents are so concerned about Billy Bob that they forget about little Suzie intentionally going online and chatting away via their my space account.

While the preditor coverage was overboard, it did shed light on these types of folks. However, NBC then raised the stakes by highlighting this blonde, blue-eyed, somewhat attractive caucasion woman in Tampa Fl. She was a former TEACHER who slept with a 15 year old boy. Did she serve time? No! Not one day behind bars. They did this entire sob story on her, like she was the victim and she is no different than R.Kelly. She was even interviewed on the Today Show by Matt Lauer. Huh? Why? I just don’t get it. To make matters worse, Matt Lauer gives some clues to why she behaved in such a way including but not limited to: (i) smoking, and (ii) listening to RAP music. Are you kidding me, this b$itch is trying blame rap music for her demise? Someone stop the madness. I mean did she listen to the new Lyfe song (S.E.X.) and confuse the message? I mean did she take Biggie’s “I like em young fresh and green, with no hair between” way out of context? I just wanna know!

And with that, I’m done.

HollaAtYaBoy!

The Hip Hop Knowledge Base: Great Expectations

First and foremost let me make one thing clear. Sean Carter is

listed somewhere b/w 5 & 11 on my all time favorite emcees list. I can't tell you the specific position b/c positions 6-10 have been known to change depending on who I'm speaking with. But make no mistake...I love Jay

So I'm having a conversation w/ my man and the subject of The Black Album (Jay-Z's final studio album if you don't count the Lincoln Park collab) comes up. To which the dialogue continued as

B's friend: Man I heard you didn't like the Black Album

B: I never said that

B's friend: James (Name changed to protect the innocent) said you gave it a bad rating

B: I gave it 3 mics maybe 3 1/2 if I'm at a party
Editor's Note: B. Holcomb didn't realize that the track "Public Service Annoucement" can actually help get a party started...thus "the other half a mic" (as Big Boi would say)

B's friend: And isn't that the same rating The source gave Common's One Day It will All Make Sense? Which I might add made you stop reading the Source

B (Impressed w/ his friend's memory as that statement was made back in 97): Hey man, if The Black Album was allegedley Jay's last album, he should've went out like Lance Armstrong; not Jordan "wearin' the 4-5" (or for that matter in a Wizard's jersey) instead of just putting out....this

B's friend: Dude, your new name is "Jay-Z's biggest critic"



At which point I was offended, b/c as I stated above, I love Jay...love his efforts as an emcee, business man, and a humanitarian (although I'm not exactly folowing the boycott of Cristal (sp?) as I (and others within my socio-economic class) could never afford Cris, so what's the point there??)

But because Jay-Z is so great, is it wrong of me to expect great things from him?? His first verse that he laid immediately after The Black Album was a true example someone great who has left the game...but still leaving some doubt as to if he's finally finished:

"Never Let Me Down" Kanye West f/ Jay-Z & J. Ivy

Jay-Z's second verse:

Who else you know been hot this long
Started from nothing but he got this strong
Built the ROC from a pebble, peddled rock before I met you
Peddled bikes, got my nephews peddle bikes because they special
Let you tell it man I'm fallin well
Somebody must have caught hI'm cuz
Every fourth quarter, I like to Mike Jordan em
Number one albums what I got, like four of em
More of them on the way, the 8th wonder on the way
Clear the way, I'm here to stay
Y'all can save the chitter chat, this and that
This is Jay, dissin Jay will get you Mase'd
When I start spittin them lyrics niggaz get very religious
Six hail mary's please father forgive us
Young, the archbishop, the Pope John Paul of y'all niggaz
They way y'all all follow Jigga
Hov's a livin legend and I'll tell you why
Everybody wanna be Hov and Hov's still alive

Hotness

And don't get me started on his verse on the "Diamonds Are Forever" (remix). You talk about a verse that's so simple yet so deep...especially when he says:

How could you falter when you're the Rock of Gibraltar?
I had to get off the boat so I could walk on water


Not to impose my spiritual beliefs on anybody...but I'll be happy to break down how powerful (from a spiritual aspect) that line is in person if you like.

Okay, so here's the gist of this conversation (for those of you that are still with me). Jay's recent appearance b4 "Deja Vu" was the "Hustlin" remix by Rick Ross. And I'll be the first to say it...Jay's verse on this song was about as impressive as his retaliation song to "Ether" entitled "Super Ugly".

However in the "Hustlin'" remix, a lot of my friends think Jay just dropped the bomb verse:

Hold up
Who you haters think you talkin' to, I'm the fuckin' boss
White on white, G4, hater get lost
I'm in the air I don't hear niggaz corny raps
Yeah nigga Hov is back, yeah nigga Hov is back
I got a honey bun, no not a chick
I got a honey bun, millions nigga I got couple hundred 'em
Ninety-nine problems prick, don't become the hundreth one
'Less you got a hundred lives murder bout a hundred, uh
We don't resort to violence, we on resorts and islands
With linen shorts and shades, 'case they thought you was lyin'


That's only part of it...I will spare you the rest because it sucks

Look, all I'm asking is that we as Jay-Z fans should demand better quality from Jay! Let's not react as if we won the lottery everytime we hear Jay on a new record. Afterall he did mention in "Moment of Clarity":


...I dumbed down for my audience to double my dollars
They criticized me for it yet they all yell "HOLLA!"
If skills sold, truth be told, I'd probably be
lyrically, Talib Kweli
Truthfully I wanna rhyme like Common Sense
But I did five mill' - I ain't been rhymin like Common since

I can't knock Mr. Carter's hustle...but again, as his audience let us make him earn his dollar. He's literally taking advantage of the fact that "because I'm the best in the game...I don't have to work as hard to sell records; or for that matter help (insert artist here) boost their sales".



Jay, I'll always be a fan...but get your weight up son...get your weight up!!

The Kid who currently wonders why the hell is Cassie so mad?

B. Holcomb

The Hip Hop Knowedge Base...is alwayz into somethin'!

NWA - Alwayz Into Somethin'

So I just read that the Hip Hop Museum is refusing to let "Gangsta Rap" or any sort of affiliation of Gangsta Rap into it's precious institution?!?!?!

Quickly, as much as I dig East Coast rap as the next guy...this is some bullISH!!!

So instead of composing a letter in protest on the Holla Ya Boys blog...I'm going to let some of you grow nostalgic with a peak of some of the real ish
!!! When gangsta rap was at it's peak:

Here is the 1991 classic: "Always Into Somethin'" by NWA sans Ice Cube....

PS this is the explicit version, so for those of you that "are in a better place in your life" you may wanna forego this trip down memory lane...for the rest of us, N***A HIT THAT MO**A F***N' PLAY BUTTON!!!!

Your guy,
B. Holcomb

Album Review: Bilal - Love for Sale

Okay, I am going to go ahead and admit my bias for Bilal right now. If you read my review of his first album in the “I Got Beef Edition,” then you are well aware of that fact. I think that he is one of the most creative artist to come along since Prince (no disrespect to Outkast or Van Hunt).

His new CD Love for Sale is the best album you don’t have in your collection and will be an early contender for my Album of the Year if it is ever released. If you are wondering how I got my hands on a copy, well . . . um . . . that’s really not important. What is important is that you need this CD in your life.

He starts the disc off with “Somethin’ to Hold Onto,” a synthesizer-driven track that has him spittin’ honey-covered lines to the object of his desire. You can almost see him in the club, drink in hand, woman against the wall, whispering routines that sound like they came straight from The Game (the book, not the rapper). The next song “You’re All I Need,” which is my favorite, has some of the best production I have heard this side of Timbaland & Pharrell. The bass thumps hard, but doesn’t overpower the Sci-fi driven chords, nor the off-key piano playing. Yes, I said “off-key piano playing,” but somehow it all just blends into one of the most melodious harmonies, I have ever heard. Yet, it is still hard enough that you could listen to it with your boys in the ride and not feel all “brokeback” about it (not that there’s anything wrong with that). “Make Me Over” is another song that you wouldn’t expect to hear from a modern artist, especially one that is not from the South. If you close your eyes while listening you will swear that you are in a Mississippi blues jook joint. You can see it sitting back from the dusty Delta road complete with the creaky wood floors, the smell of fried catfish hovering in your nostrils, while you’re sippin’ on some fine Tennessee bourbon. One of the final songs on the album “White Turns to Gray” is guaranteed to be this year’s baby-maker. Legions of single guys will have this on mix CDs and their Ipod playlists, as they attempt to seduce women from coast to coast. It has one of those rhythm beats (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, then I’m not gonna tell you) and equally salacious lyrics to set your night off right.

As of this posting, the album has been shelved indefinitely by his record company. It would be a shame if it never reaches the general public, because it is definitely what is desperately needed on radio right now.

Update 8/7/06: If you would like to check out some of the cuts from the new album, check out Bilal's MySpace page here.

The Guys' Edition

What up FAM, What up Folk? It’s ya boy and I’m out here on my keypad trying to hustle like Rick Ross. Big thanks to all that commented on the White Girl Edition Part I, even to the anonymous one who said the whole discussion is “getting tired”. I’m working on Part II and will send it out as soon as I finish, but thought I’d keep the party going with a new edition this week….

I know its been awhile and I don’t really know where to begin b/c there is so much going on in the world. From Hezbollah to North Korea, the world is being put on blast….no pun intended. Before I dive into the edition, I’d like to offer a few opinions on the world today….

1. Suicide bombers are undefeated. I used to always say the bus was undefeated, but I unfortunately have to change that opinion now that buses are getting ripped apart via bombs. 2. Ranked second to Suicide bombers is concrete. Ben Rothliesberger should have learned this as a child.
3. How can folks be mad when George W thinks and acts like the majority of folks in this country?
4. Oprah would be a FOOL if she were indeed in the closet and actually announced it…I don’t believe this by the way and wish the madness would stop.
5. Diversify your bonds.
6. Barry should have pleaded the “fif”.

So I was speaking with the “Girlie” a couple of months ago and she asked me a question that just threw me off and that was if I had watched the “Oprah Winfrey Legends Ball”. Let me preface this by saying that my Girlie loves Oprah, to a point where her DVR is permanently at 60% used b/c she records each and every show…Let me also add that I gladly purchased the 20th anneversary DVD for her too. Anyway, I’m sure many of you watched the show and I’m sure it was just an exhilirating experience, BUT…was this something that a guy would really want to watch? I mean this all started b/c Oprah didn’t invite Cicely Tyson to her birthday party, yet received a gift from her. No time to give all the details, but believe me that’s what happened.

Yes, I must admit I didn’t watch it and honestly I am not too saddened that I voluntarily watched the Mavs and Spurs game. I mean I am not a big fan of Oprah (the show….apparently, the rappers do to….i may speak on this later) or the NBA. I’m just not. Nothing against her…it’s not like I watch Martha Stewart, which would be just plain “suspect”. I don’t watch her show, so why would I want to watch her Legend’s Ball? Yes, “HER” Legends Ball. Did she do anything different than honor folks who have been honored before? I mean we got the Kennedy Center Awards and Image Awards, but those didn’t get the hype like the Legends Ball. Anyway, I’m sure it was great to have Alicia Keys, Mary J, and Janet all together for some event where they dress up and receive expensive gifts, but doesn’t this happen at the Osars, Grammy’s, and MTV Award’s as well? Oh, I forgot, this included Maya Angelou and it was Oprah Winfrey’s show, so it was a bit more serious. …Yeah right! Yes it honored Rosa Parks and Coretta Scott King, but I’m sorry, it’s not a reason for me to watch…it’s just not…especially when it’s going up against a good basketball game.

Real quick, I think all those who do “hate” against Oprah are idiots and we know a couple of them. Before someone says that I hate against her, I don’t….I have opinions about certain shows and her show period, but that is nothing against a woman who has made that paper and has shared the wealth with many…..even if she hasn’t a cut FAM a $25MM check like she did for Morehouse, I do respect her hustle and would love for my daughter (that was a slip)…..I mean future daughter to grow up an emulate her…..excluding the whole crack thing of course.

All I’m saying is that I’m a guy and guys (I think I speak for many b/c they are so whupped and can’t publicly say things…me included by the way…just kidding babe) didn’t want or care to watch this show. I know I am preaching what many SHOULD already know, but there comes a time where a refresher course is necessary. Today’s edition is truly, the Guy’s edition and should be required reading for all the Ladies. So without furhter ado, let’s begin with Guys 101….

1. All Guys are created equal. The ones who care less about sports, chicks, cars, and money, are not Guys, they are anatomically men, but definitely not GUYs.
2. Your Guy (or Man) differs from another guy only in the level he cares about you and the other things listed above. Remember at the end of the day you have a Guy or hope you have one.
3. A Guy would NEVER gladly watch a TV show consisting a bunch of women where there isn’t (a) sex (b) some thought there could be sex, (c) a dime or something close to it, or (d) a chance they would piss their girlfriend off and therefore miss out on some sex. I’m trying to cover everthing I can to get away with watching Desparate Houswives and Sex in the City back in the day. Note this is perhaps my last season of Housewives, b/c it has become too much of a chick flick.with every male on the show either being a murderer, cheater, or just plain gay. If your man “loves” the view and actually has it for save series in the DVR, you should be extremely worried. By the way, many folks were calling Star Jones’ boo suspect out the gate and word on the street is that he’s looking for an out…Sound familiar?
4. A Guy will always feel a little bit weird going into a Victoria Secret store, even though it is always chock full of women. I can’t really explain this one, other than that I am just a Guy. It’s the same feeling a Guy gets when his girl offers to get his nails done…I just can’t explain it. Now getting my feet scrubbed is a whole other ball game.
5. Speaking of shopping, a Guy will always suddenly feel tired when he goes to the mall with a girl, hence the man chair being in every store. Ladies, it’s not intentional, it’s honestly a natural thing that if we could, we’d fix it.
6. A Guy really hates going into a shoe store with you. The reason is that you go to shop and he goes to buy. Think about it ladies.
7. If a guy knows he’s not going to get “some”, lingerie is so necessary. If he knows he’s about to get some, lingerie is sooo secondary.
8. A Guy really does look at your mother and wonders if you will look like her in 20-30 years.
9. After looking at your mother, a Guy will look at his father and think maybe she’s thinking the same thing, so he looks at it as a wash, b/c if it wasn’t some of you would probably still be single!
10. A young guy really hates that visit from Aunt Flow every month. An older guy really appreciates that visit from Aunt Flow and really wishes he could make her visit as quick, but enjoyable as possible.
11. Guys think you look really good when you are working out at the gym.
12. A Guy can at least max 135lbs on the bench press.
13. Guys really hate it when you take the first available bench press and use it for doing sit-ups. 14. Guys really hate the butt hiding sweaters! I mean, whom do you ladies think you’re fooling?
15. A Guy has a passion for at leat ONE sport.
16. Most Guys would never knowlingly sleep with their best friend’s girl. I call this the Barry Bonds rule…only Guys will get the link.
17. All Guys “check-out” their best friend’s girl.
18. All Guys check out all girls.
19. Guys who have baby sisters are always cognizant of that fact when it comes to their boy’s sister. 20. Guys who have older sisters, really can care less……”man did you see those girls in that black car with Denver tags”…..sorry that was an inside joke for two of my boys (one of which resides in chicago and has an older sister).
21. A Guy loves feeling the love from you. If a Guy doesn’t, he wants the love from someone else, PERIOD!
22. A Guy will in his lifetime wash all of his clothes (whites and colors together) on the permanent press cycle….thinking this some how that it saves a load and magically prevents colors from bleeding onto the whites.
23. A Guy will always freak-out, just like you, if there is some abrupt change without warning…like cutting your hair short.
24. A Guy would eventually get annoyed if you continuously scream when watching a scary movie.
25. A Guy will never intenionally sit Guy, Guy, Girl. We’d much rather sit Guy, Girl, Guy…unless of course the girl is 5 or below or the other Guy in question is someone he knows very well.
26. A Guy will always look at your breast if they are nice and out for the entire world to see. The nerve of some of you who get upset that a Guy looked at your breasts. In this day and age of brothas who want to “pitch and catch” with only brothas, the ladies out there should be happy that there are still “Guys” out there who don’t want to do nothing (double negative I know) but pitch to a catcher that doesn’t wear a cup…”laugh now or figure that out when you get home.
27. If there was a way to break-up with some of you, without having to worry about the car getting keyed, windows getting busted, or the inevitble “boo-hoo” pity party, some of you would be sooooo single right now!!!! Now that you know this take being dumped on a dime like a good sport.
28. Unless it has been discussed in detail before hand, a guy will walk if you give it up and then all of a sudden say no more until marriage. What kind of b.s. is that? Not only is it just wrong, but I’ll venture to say straight up cocky! Yeah I said it and there is only two things those offended can do about it…. Like it or love it.
29. If you break a guys heart, he’ll NEVER forget about it.
30. You may be like a sister or the closest to that, but rest assured your friend that’s a GUY has at least once, thought about “knocking your back out”.
31. Let me refrase #30….if you are anywhere near cute, a Guy has already thought about “knocking your back out”.
32. If you buy a guy a nice bbq grill for Christmas or surpise him on his b-day with his CREW of friends, he’ll love you forever…. Sorry guys that was for my sweetie…. ;=)
33. If there is a bathroom with one toilet and one sink, a guy will wait until the guy using it is out.
34. A guy would never let another man do anything with or for his girl that he doesn’t already do…including but not limited to, massages, stretching, opening doors, kisses on the cheek…etc.
35. A guy really doesn’t care to comment on the attractiveness of another man…so DON’T even ask us.
36. A Guy would never agree that Jay Z and Beyonce make a good couple.
37. A Guy’s girlfriend should never, ever, ever, have a television that is bigger than his.
38. A Guy may say they would die for you, but Really…come on now, who are we kidding. I’ll definitely give a kidney or something, but to die for is rather harsh.
39. A Guy can sit in the bathroom for hours after a good burrito bowl from Chipotle with the latest ESPN Page 2 articles by Bill Simmons and Scoop Jackson and simply love it.

Just Say No

In honor of tonight's NBA Draft I thought I would do a post that would serve as cautionary tale to all. A clear message to leave them drugs alone. This video should be required viewing at all NBA rookie camps as to what can happen when a once promising career gets sidetracked by the "high" life. Be sure to watch until the end to get the payoff.

Side Note: My favorite dunk is 52 seconds into the video. Also if you look real closely, you can catch glimpses of a young Gary Payton when he was still "The Glove."

The Hip Hop Knowedge Base celebrates the 10th anniversay of Reasonable Doubt

Jay-Z - Can't Knock the Hustle

This weekend marks the 10th anniversary of Jay-Z's debut to the rap game...so it's only fitting that I show some love thru Cyber-space...

For your own viewing pleasure...above is the video to one of my fav trax from Reasonable Doubt...entitled "Can't Knock The Hustle" f/ the queen of Hip Hop Soul (I like to refer to her as The REAL Pied Piper of R&B (Yo have you been to her concert?)...Ms. Mary J. Blige

Peace to You Tube dot com and Camel for allowing me to use the brand image of Camel Cigerettes to complete the posting

The kid w/ 99 problems,

B. Holcomb

The Air Up Here, Vol. VI - "The C.R.E.A.M. and the Clear" Edition

I’m not writing this because I am a huge Barry Bonds supporter, I’m not. But your boy hates to see hypocrisy flourish unabated without at least calling it out, and that’s what I’m doing now. The investigation that Major League Baseball (MLB) has opened regarding the “Steroids Era” with a special emphasis on Barry Bonds, at best borders on the ridiculous; and at worst has too many associations with Salem, Massachusetts circa 1692. This inquiry is a sham, a farce, a blatant capitulation to two of the basest motivations of our society: racism and money. That’s right, I said it. I pulled the “R” word from my freshly opened deck of race cards that I received in the mail this week straight from the O.J. Manufacturing Plant. I say this completely tongue-in-cheek, because everyday I look for my O.J. prize and it’s still not here, but I digress.

The reason that I am approaching this topic from the perspective of race is because I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard commentators state that it would a tragedy (their words, not mine) if Barry Bonds were allowed to break Babe Ruth’s record. Marinate on those last four words for a second . . . “break Babe Ruth’s record.” The last time I checked the record books, which isn’t often because I will also admit that I don’t like baseball; Henry “Hank” Aaron was still the undisputed Home Run King of American baseball (don’t want to disrespect Sadaharu Oh). I mean Babe Ruth has to be the most talked about, most celebrated runner-up in the history of modern sports. It’s real pathetic. Many of the commentators and maybe even some of you, will counter that it’s not about race; it is about the “integrity of the game” (I’ll have more on that later) and keeping the record books pure. Oh, they want to keep the records “pure” alright. They don’t want them tainted by the unfair advantage of performance enhancing drugs. To which I say, “Are they for real?!?” For one, baseball players have used performance enhancing drugs for years. Going back as far as least the 1960s, it has been reported that guys were poppin’ caffeine tablets and amphetamines to be more alert and maintain their energy levels throughout the year. For two, although not a drug, we cannot overlook the biggest performance enhancer for players in Ruth’s era: that being that their records were achieved in a segregated league. You think if Ruth had to face Satchel Paige in his prime (not the 40+ version that eventually made it to the big leagues after integration) that he wouldn’t have hit a few less homers? Exactly. Say what you want, but the competition was watered down when every other segment of society is excluded from participating except for one.

And don’t get me started on the “integrity of the game” argument because that is even more asinine. Baseball, just like any other business, is all about that paper, cheese, cheddar, dinero, bread, greenbacks, scratch, mayo, cream, dollar dollar bills y’all. Its actions are strictly guided by what is going to bring in the most revenue, consequences be damned. I’ll illustrate. After the strike-shortened and World Series-free season of 1994 (a strike which coincidently probably kept Ken Griffey, Jr. from breaking the single season HR record) baseball fell from its perch as America’s pastime and preeminent sport and settled in behind football, basketball, and even was being challenged by hockey (which has virtually no presence on the American sports landscape today). The seasons that occurred immediately after the shortened one of 1994, gave rise to a new breed of baseball player. Gone were the skinny, fast players like Ozzie Smith or the chunky sluggers like Cecil Fielder. They were replaced by the hulking physical specimens like Bonds, Maguire, and Sosa. The latter two whose home run chase in the so dubbed “Magically Summer of 1998” cemented baseball’s position back in consciousness of the general public. It also cemented record attendances, record endorsements and sponsorships, and record revenues for all parties involved.

“Cash rules everything around me / C.R.E.A.M. / Get the money / Dollar, dollar bills y’all.”

Everyone saw the transformation that had taken place in these players, but no one cared because the long-ball hitting freaks were putting fannies in the seats. But then the BALCO scandal hit and Congress decides to investigate steroids in sports, because “If we don’t, what will tell the children?” This within itself is ironic coming from a group of individuals that still can’t tell the children what the hell we are doing in Iraq, and a group that continues to kiss the rings of their corporate taskmasters at every turn. You know what? Scratch that, it makes perfect sense because Congress pimps itself harder than those pros at Hunt’s Point, but again I digress.

So now that Barry Bonds is on the cusp of breaking what some have called the greatest record in professional sports, the fecal matter is finally hitting the whirling device. Some say that baseball is investigating to maintain the sanctity of the game, but like all of the arguments that have been put forward before, this too is a lie. Cutball king Don Sutton is in the Hall of Fame and Spitball wizard Gaylord Perry is also celebrated. These individuals were both cheaters, who because of their affable personalities were given a pass. The books by Jose Canseco and the as yet released Game of Shadows aren’t the impetus either. Are they cause for discussion? Yes. Are they the reason that this investigation is going forth? No. As with most things in life, answers can be found by simply following the money. The power of the almighty dollar. Some of baseball’s major corporate sponsors like Bank of America and a few others have threatened to rescind their patronage of MLB if there were no investigation. Once again, this is also ironic considering that some of these corporations have very checkered histories. Bank of America has consistently been cited for the practice of “redlining” and engaging in predatory lending practices. And don’t get me started on how the Banking Lobby pushed through new bankruptcy laws that are not consumer friendly and utilize practices like universal default to squeeze more money out of those that can least afford it. If you don’t believe me, put the words “bank of america” and “redlining” into a Google search and see what you come up with or you can just click here. The fact that these companies now, all of the sudden, want to take the moral high road is just sickening.

As I stated when I started this piece, I am not really a Barry Bonds supporter. I could care less if he passes Babe Ruth (which will probably be accomplished by the time you read this) or Hank Aaron for that matter. Although, I must say, that I am one who believes that records are made to be broken. Do I believe that Barry Bonds steroids? The answer to that question is really irrelevant. I do know that he has never been reported to have failed a drug test. Draw your own conclusions. What I don’t like, what I cannot stand is to be lied to and that is all that this investigation is . . . a big, bright, shining lie. Major League Baseball, the sports commentators, the major corporations, and those clowns in Congress are no better than Rafael Palmeiro when he looked straight into the camera, waived his finger defiantly, and stated that he did not take steroids “Period! I ain’t lying. I put that on my grandma.” Okay, so I embellished the last two sentences, but if you haven’t seen the tape of his Congressional testimony, I highly recommend it. It’s straight comedy. Of course we found out just a few months later that Mr. Palmeiro had failed a drug test for steroids. Similarly, MLB should not be telling these fabrications like Rafael. They should just stand up and say that “We are conducting this investigation to protect our profits, period!” The sports commentators should just stand up and say that “We don’t like Barry Bonds, period. He’s mean and surly and he’s treated us (the media) like crap throughout his career. We think Babe Ruth is the greatest thing since sliced bread and this is the payback.” The corporations should say that “Our customers think that Barry Bonds took steroids and we don’t want our name associated with what we believe is a fraudulent record because it may adversely impact our bottom line.” And Congress, they should just shut up and do something useful like finding a way to provide universal healthcare or increasing the minimum wage . . . the cost of living ain’t getting no cheaper.

As I bring this to a close, I say we should all tone down the rhetoric and feigned outrage over Mr. Bonds. It’s not like he’s Governor Barry or President Barry or Pope Barry. He is just Barry Bonds, professional athlete. Whether or not he breaks the home run record will have minimal impact on people’s lives in the long run. It’s not like he sent the country into war under false pretenses. Give the man a break. History will be the ultimate arbiter of the veracity of his accomplishments.

TDRS: The Cinco De Mayo Edition

What up Fam, What up Folk, it’s ya boy, and ya’ll thought I was only going to send you some wack attempt at writing a novel. Wrong! It’s Friday, May 5, 2006 and my city, the A, A-Town, or what is popularly known as the ATL (and the U.S. for that matter), is gearing up for Cinco De Mayo. Maybe it’s just me, but wouldn’t you be offended if the day the slaves were freed became a day whereby millions celebrated by cutting limes and filling bottles of corona with Alize? For the last month it’s been immigration this and immigration that, yet today, May 5th, it will all be forgotten. Ya’ll know I am a history buff, so I ‘ll drop a little piece of knowledge before spitting that hot fire. Cinco de Mayo is not techinically Mexican Independence Day; that is actually September 16. Today commemorates the Mexican militia’s victory over the French in the Mexican state capital city of Puebla. This edition is sort like a Burrito…there is a lot $hit wrapped in a big tortilla….

Immigration
I tried really hard to not comment on this whole immigration thing, because as most of you know, my name is Ricardo and I feel some sort of connection…Yeah right! As my boy Carlos Lawton (aka Pete Wheatstraw, aka “tell em why you mad”, aka “Home Depot Stasher”), so eloquently stated at a country breakfast with the “Crew”, “How are they (immigrants) going to fight when they are here illegally and not citizens. It’s really, really, simple to me and maybe its b/c I am decendant of a slave…one who worked for free and in some cases fought for this country (with a crapy pair of boots I might add…only my girl Eb would figure out the Glory plug). It’s really easy to pull the “they take jobs we don’t want card”, but that is a bunch of b.s. Immigration is nothing more than organized slavery and those who turn a blind eye to it are those who benefit the most…just like the slave masters of 1600, 1700 and 1800s. We know the janitors at Walmart are illegal, but they claim it’s the sub-contractors job to determine that…come on now! Walmart knows that there is no way a subcontractor can be profitable at the contract rate they negotiated, unless, they hired some really cheap labor. And Wal-Mart has the nerve to blame it on American’s appetite for cheap goods. America was built on free labor and then found an even cheaper way to win via machinery. Can’t wait to see how “they” will be replaced in the coming years.

Hoe Games
Now back to the irregularly scheduled TDRS…. With every edition that I write, I spend days thinking about the title…. No lie. If the title is lame, then the TDRS is usually just okay. However, if it is one of those titles that everyone relates to, then it lays the groundwork for a true classic. Today is hopefully no exception. Yes, I have been in a great relationship and out of the “game”, but let me tell you that the game doesn’t change. If anything, when a brotha is on lockdown, his mind is actually free and his thoughts are crystal clear. The game just slows down and is easier to navigate through. Let me just say that Bruhs on lockdown have eyes in their back of their head; they have great court vision. My fellow LB’s (lockdown brothers) are truly court generals and it truly pleases us to distribute the ball so that another may score.

The title of this edition can be attributed to a convo with my fellow LB a few months ago, who is actually an LB4L, (Lockdown Bruh 4 Life). Our discussion was somewhat hilarious in that there were a number of situations (including us and some of our friends) in the past that we couldn’t really understand nor explain, but all sudden, really understood. Of course, these were situations regarding women. Now before I get in trouble, let me say that I aint calling out anyone in particular, b/c everyone is guilty. Remember the game doesn’t change, so I am writing about past experiences that I am sure hold true today. It’s one thing to be hoe, it’s quite another to be hoe”ish”. One more thing, and it’s the most significant point of this TDRS, there are games that women play, but there are also games that hoes play and it is past time that someone discusses the difference.

Hos are like sports fisherman. They go out on the boat, put on on the gear, and use the best bait and tackle in the world, yet when they catch a fish, they thow it back. You are guilty of being a fish”ho”man if you’ve done the following:

You go to a popular sports bar, knowing full well you can care less about sports.
Double whammy if you wear a football jersey and don’t know whom the player is.
Triple Whammy if you went on google b/4 going to the bar to make it seem like you knew everything about said player.

Hoes just don’t go on any boat to fish. They have boats equipped with the latest technology that indicate where all the big fish are located. There is the rare case where a hoe keeps her catch, but it’s not to eat, rather it’s taken to a taxidermist so it can be displayed somwhere for all to see. If the metaphors are confusing you, then hopefully the following will help you determine if she is a hoe or just has “hoe-ish” tendacies:

The calendar in her Microsoft Outlook actually sends a reminder of the dates for the NBA All-Star game…probably a Hoe!
She actually knows where the last black sports agent convention occurred. Even worse if she actually attended the last black sports agent’s convention…definitely a hoe!
She says she knows such and such celebrity by name and that celebrity doesn’t know her from Adam…hoe.
She is about 5ft tall w/o heels, but with the ones in her closet she’s closer to 6’5…hoeish, but not a hoe.
She waits until you get a girlfriend before she wants to actually holla…hoeish.
She’ll sleep with you and tell you to leave your girlfriend and then turn around and team up with your girlfriend to show the world how much of a dog you are…hoe.
She thinks all men aren’t s#ht, yet sleeps with married men…hoe.
She tells you she’s “late”…two months after the fact. I like to call this these types, “fly” fishermen. The don’t just cast the bait and wait…they do it continuously until they come up with something that sticks and there is no better bait, than “baby” bait…crazy hoe.



Quick Blurb on the NFL draft
Last year, TDRS discussed things like the salary cap and how that impacts draft day decisions. We went into detail regarding the stadium and how that plays into an owners draft day strategy. We talked about fielding a squad as opposed to a crew. As a treat for the clueless ladies out there who wonder why their men would rather sit on the couch for 2 days to watch the draft, I am going to shall I say put this year’s draft into perspective for you.

Ladies, this year’s draft like all drafts, was eagerly awaited by milions and millions of fans…most of them men. The draft has become more of an event than what it actually is, a showcase of teams handing out offer letters to whom they want to work for them. If you have a man, that’s really a man, you’ve had to have heard the top names in this years draft…Reggie Bush, Vince Young, Matt Leinart, etc. Yes, they are some of the top names, but it’s highly likely that none of them will make as big an impact in the league than say, a D’Brickshaw Fergueson.

To put it blunt, the Houston Texans stunk last year and you can probably blame it on the coaching, but it also has to do with a lack of talent. Because they stunk last year, the Texans had the first pick in the draft and therefore could choose whomever they wanted. What’s interesting about the Texans is that they have a highly paid quarterback, the have a solid running back, and a couple of nice recievers, yet they were likely to choose Reggie Bush (a running back) with the first pick.

Ladies, you are faced with this dilemna all of the time, well maybe just once in lifetime. To you, it seems that your man has everything you need, except for a few minor things that can be corrected. Well that’s all fine and dandy until a Reggie Bush comes along. I mean if you are sitting at home with a 7 (okay borderline 6) and a straight up 10 comes along, whatta ya gonna do? It’s easy to say that you’re just going to ride it out with your man (playa) for the long run, but wouldn’t you feel guilty as hell for letting a guy soooo talented and rare get picked up by someone else. Thiswas problem number one for the Texans!

Problem number #2 for the Texans is more of a problem we bruhs have. Let’s say we figure out that we need to cut that borderline 6 and opt for the dime. The problem is that the dime, probably knows she’s a dime and will demand some serious compensation in whatever form she can get. The Texans were facing this problem as well. And guess, what they didn’t choose Reggie.

HollaAtYaBoy

TDRS: The WHITE GIRL EDITION PART I

Hmmm….What up Fam, What up Folk? It’s ya boy and you know that it’s about to be “going down”, like my name is Young Joc. It’s been a minute and I aint apologizing b/c you can’t really rush quality right? This aint some fast food blog that serves the same old burgers and fries to you once a week. The TDRS is fine food, a meal that’s worth waiting for; a meal where one should sit down and enjoy over wine/beer/henny or whatever you like to drink. I have to apologize to the ladies on this one b/c I know you don’t care to hear about anything concerning dimes (10s), particularly those of the caucasion ilk. Unfortunately, I have to keep a promise and dedicate a TDRS to the white chicks, the Betty’s and Suzanne’s of the world. No, I’m talking about the latinas that look white, because I could just mention Jessica Alba and this discussion would be over. I’m talking about those good ole beer drinking (out of the bottle), sun bathing (topless), brink of anorexia, white chicks!

The Modern Day History
I’ve listened to countless talk shows on the subject of black men and white women and it inevitably turns into a war on the brothas. That’s fine and all, but in my eyes it’s not a problem. There is nothing that needs to be solved. Moreover, people who even ask the question of “why” are going about it all wrong. Their entire premise is just flawed. The question should be more so “how”.

See ladies, if a black man is what you want, then you need to know and understand how to catch him. If all you “allegedly” see is black men with white women, then stop, take a deep breath and ask what she did to attract him. Yes, we all know the myths about how white women have…sorry, give better brains, but my sistahs, they don’t just do that out of the box.

I am thinking about writing a book called Elementary My Dear Watson, which will take a different angle on the subject of black men and white women…..and it will be from the white women’s perspective. Check out an excerpt from the first two chapters….

Chapter 1: Elementary Game
White girl game starts way back in elementary school. For those who grew up in Jacksonville, Southside Chicago, and most of Atlanta, you probably won’t relate because you probably didn’t have a white friend until…well, you probably still don’t have one. Anyway, like I was saying, white girl game starts way back in elementary school…more like kindergarden…stay with me now.

Kindergarten is little 5-year old Suzie’s first experience with 5-year old, Tvarius Mcghee, who I hope you figured out is black. From birth to age 5, Suzie has seen nothing but her dad, uncles, and grandfather, all of whom are white, so it’s no big deal adjusting to the “Kevins and Zachs” in her class. What throws little Suzie off is little Tvarius, who’s just so cool and really good at kickball. Little Tvarius is so different and what’s really crazy is the fact that little Tvarius can give a damn about her. Suzie is not accoustomed to men not giving her attention.

Okay, now all that I have discussed so far is Suzie and Tvarius. I am sure you’re wondering what’s happening with LaKreetia. Well, Lakreetia is watching all of this from the start and yet has no clue about what is going on. Unlike Suzie, LaKreetia didn’t grow up around men (maybe not even a father), so she can care less about getting any attention. What’s really crazy is that Suzie and Lakreetia become like really, really, good friends. Y’all know I am telling the truth…I remember looking at all those pics of my little sister and her friends in elementary school and most of them included a couple of miscellaneous white girls. Things were so innocent then.

Meanwhile, little Suzie is starting to plot, even though she is only 5-years old. She wants that attention from Tvarius. She even goes so far as to tell her now best friend LaKreetia about her attraction and you know what happens next. Lakreetia, who doesn’t even like Tvarius, becomes the match-maker and things start to become really interesting. Why does LaKreetia do this? Well, I forgot to mention that Suzie has really nice toys and hair that’s cool to play with, so for all she knows, she is just being a really good friend. Oh and I should also add that Suzie started giving Tvarius some of her chocolate covered cookies that were packed in her cool Barbie lunch box. We all know that Tvarius was on the free or reduced lunch plan, so getting chocolate cookies was off the chain.

Chapter 2: Braces & Skirts
Let’s jump to middle school. Middle school is a really confusing time for little Suzie. She’s grown up now and is noticing that the Zachs and Kevins, approach her differently. She’s also noticed that Tvarius is even more, cold, and pretty much only eats lunch with the other black kids. Lakreetia is still her friend, but they don’t have sleepovers anymore. To top it all off, her parents are forcing her to get braces, which she knows is bascially going to kill her social life for awhile. So little Suzie starts plotting again and this time, its about to get a little serious. She doesn’t want to play sports because she unconsiously knows that it’s a bit too masculine, so she decides to be a cheerleader. She watches the show “15” on Nickelodean and tries to replicate the fashion of some of the characters. She understands that she can offset the braces by dressing a bit more fashionable (or sexy).

Football season starts in late September and Tvarius is the running back. This means Tvarius is the star of the show, b/c no one throws the ball in middle school, so the QB position ranks right down the list with long snapper. Tvarius is quick and scores many touchdowns, which means, the cheerleaders are just filled with the “spirit”. After the game, Suzies dad, who is a sports fanatic, just raves about Tvarius…he even contributes heavily to the booster club. Now this really, really gets Suzie going b/c Dad is not only supporting the football team, but he really seems to care about Tvarius…or so that’s what she thinks. Tvarius even starts to think that Suzie’s dad cares too and so they move closer…

I am going to just stop here and wait to see if the people want more.

Holla At Ya Boy

The Hip Hop Knowledge Base---The Top 5 Emcees You Hear EveryDay

"B! B!! I finally understand it" said my serrogate younger brother Kendall. "I finally understand why you hate on our rappers today...I heard someone use a sample and I was able to identify it"

A smile came across my face coupled with a feeling of jubiliation that I finally reached this 19 year old's mind as to how wack radio hip hop is in 2006.

"So what happened K?"

"Dude...I was listening to Sirius Radio this evening, and on Shade 45 (Eminem's radio station for those Siruis Radio impaired)" And then he said it...

"Sampled Diddy's song!"

Okay, except for Irv Gotti who the hell would be in their right mind to sample a Puffy beat? But I took the bait

"Who sampled Puff's song?"
"Some guy named Public Enemy...he even stole the name of Diddy's song...Public Enemy #1..had the beat and everything"

If I had the powers of the son of Jor-El combined with he who is known for having the greatest crinimal mind in the world, my heat vision would've instantly labotomized this individual as I would've said under my breath "what a mornoic statement"...I had so much rage within me.

Kendall's statement above is an exampe of how commerical radio is contributing to the lack of balance currently expereinced within Hip Hop. LL Cool J himself could not have imagined how many people in my age group (roughly 25-34...Sean Carter and other party promoters would call this demographic "grown & sexy" but that's another blog) would frown at the phrase "I can't live without my radio" in 2006. Because most of these cats are flat out garbage

However, before I just articulate my overal disdain for the game as it stands now. Being a student of the Hip Hop culture I am willing to give props to at least 5 players in the game who have caught my ear, and I have even gone as far to verbally (and financially) support some of these dudes. So without futher adue here are my top five emcees that you I appreciate on commercial radio

Honorable Mention #3: Kanye West

My favorite girl wanna leave me just because I got a girlfriend
my freak girl told me "now, she a christian"
my white girl wanna move back to Michigan
I'm pullin girls off the bench like a sixth man

----Kanye West "This Way" Dialated Peoples f/ Kanye West

When I first heard this cat, I thought he was an intelligent Mason Betha. But since 2003, I've grown to appreciate "Kanye to the..." for his beats, wit, rhymestyle, fashion sense and overall arrogance. (BTW, those of you that say Kanye is way too arrogant, explain to me why it is you like the Jigga man again?). Kanye is a breath of fresh air to commercial radio, as he is currently accomplishing what Marley Marl and Pete Rock have tried to accomplish during their prime (create dope beats, get optimal radio play, and not have people frown when you come on the mic trying to rhyme). Bravo Kanye! He's definately here to say.




Honorable Mention #2 Bubba Sparxx I was just telling some friends of mine that Bubba Sparxx may have to call it a career after his latest effort Charm has only moved 120k copies after being out for 2 months. The guy is hella creative with his rhyme style; and transitions very well from crunk music to true lyrical essence. Unfortunately he spent most of his career being compared to Em, went dark after he and Timbaland parted ways and came back on the scene too soon after Paul Wall experienced success

Honorable Mention #1: Lil' Wayne I will confess that it took me a long time to get on the Lil Wayne bandwagon. Wayne was constantly being overshadowed by Juve when the Cash Money Millionares first debuted in 1999. Believe it or not it wasn't until I heard (what I thought at the time was) an a-capella freestyle on Rap City in early January which ultimately turned into his verse for the remix of T.I's "What You Know?" Where I actually paid attention to him. In 4 words: The guy flips it! Next to the guy who I have in slot 4 Weezy Wee's strength is in riding a track

#5: Busta Rhymes I've been a fan of Bussa Buss since another case of that ol PTA (or did the Scenario by ATCQ come out first)? At any rate this guy has proven overtime that when you do a remix, you gotta put Buss on the track! From his animated movements to his Puffy coached quiet delivery, Buss will pump out a hit for you. My concern w/ Buss is that he's now w/ Aftermath records, and let's be honest...my unborn seed will probably be graduating Junior High school by the time Buss' album comes out. Buss is also becoming what I like to refer to as "A Hip hop Accessory". That is being featured on other people's work and shining, yet having issues carrying his own projects by himself (see Nate Dogg)

#4: T.I. The personification of "He has a purpose in this game" Honestly there isn't too much I can say about the founder of Trap Muzik and the Grand Hustle Organization. It's not that I've ever been impressed w/ this guy's lyrical ability...but man CAN HE RIDE A BEAT! And his delivery is awesome. Let me give you an example:

Fresh off the jet to the block
Burning rubber with the top popped
My partners busting shots, I'll tell them stop it make the block hot
Yo label got got
Cuz you are not hot
I got the top spot
And it will not stop
----T.I. "What You Know?"


Reading those lyrics you're like so what? But timed w/ the delivery and the beat of the song, will have you at least wondering "Damn did I just hear a tight lyric? Or am I just hypnotized by the beat and delivery of those lyrics?"

#3: Fabolous If I were from Brooklyn this would easily be described as a homer call. Real talk, I've been diggin' this guys flow since the "Where My Girls at?" remix by 702. And he sealed the deal for me after his part in DJ Clue's Fantastic Four Pt 2 (coming after Jadakiss on a posse track...that's not an easy task). Coming into the game using the Puffy marketing formula; that is being featured on everyone else's track before you even come out (See Mary J Blige, Ma$e and Akon)


In my hood the slower you move, the quicker they get you
Sometimes it's somebody in your click that be with you
That's why my vest is thicker to get thru
And I keep 2 nines on my shirt like Dickersons shit do
Why waste my breath when I'm bickering with you
I'd rather waste my techs till they flicker and hit you
You sick cause my shit blew
And you ain't goin' nowhere for a while
A commercial where Snickers will fit you, fucka!
---Fabolous "Jackin' For Beats" The Game f/ Fabolous


I'm very happy that he no longer spells his name everytime he flows and the joint "Breathe" that dropped in 2004 is still favorite of mine! He could tone down on the "totin' gats" persona, but other than that The guy is F-A; B-O; L-O; U-S

#2: 50 cent HATE HIM OR LOVE HIM, THIS GUY IS STILL ON TOP. Whenever you mention the words "Hip hop" to the mainstream 50 cent is what comes up. Let's admit it, the guy can not only flow, but to paraphrase Jay-Z "He is a hustler baby, he'll sell water to a well". My main critiques with 50 are that he'll drop more corny ish than bangin' ish; and he sings on all his hooks (which is what he dogged Jeffrey Atkins out for (Ja Rule for my hip hop impaired). 50 definately understands "The Game" (no pun intended to Jaycen Taylor) and he'll be here to stay for a long time.

Editor's Note: This spot was originally reserved for this cat below


However due to 50's financial strong hold he has on Jaycen Taylor (b/k/a The Game) Game has been forced to make a temporary living on the mixtape circuit, until he drops his second album. But don't hold your breath...he also is on the Aftermath Record label (Reference my dissapoint for Busta Rhymes earlier above

#1: Ludacris

Damn! What's with all the long faces?
You're wookin pa nub in all the wong places
Let's hit clubs and girls will take a shirt off
If not for me for the raspberry Smirnoff
Then me and Ursher can knock 'em all
Then we up and disappear like socks and drawers
A-Town!! Hit the block and get rowdy
We puttin up A's like Summa Cum Laude's
Yeah I graduated at the top of the class
And yeah I'll strap a harness to the top of yo' ass
And I, told 'em befo' the parties don't stop
So like Ripley's, you "Believe It Or Not"
And when you don't realize I'm the best ya had
Now you sittin at home and you got it bad
OHH! I'ma get nice and move slow
So drink some prune juice and let the shit go
---Ludacris "You don't have to call" (remix) Usher f/ Ludacris


Other quotables include:

The entire song of "Area Codes" His 2nd verse in "The potion" His verse in "Unpredictable" by Jaimie Foxx...the list goes on. If only his lead singles for his albums: "My Fantasy", "Roll Out" "Stand Up" & "Get Back" are too corny for me, but they are radio friendly thus serving the purpose.

I know I really haven't said much about Luda...but I feel I don't need to. Wait, let me also add the fact that I love how this dude makes his voice flucuate with the flow. Nobody on radio is touching this kid right now, and he's not only the best on the radio, but he's amongst the best in the game!


Not only do a lot of artists (term used loosely) in 2006 suck, but they are mainly gimmicks. Sadly though most of these beats that these artists rhyme along to are out of this world and it seems as though the Bandstand formula will never die

"I like the song"
"It has a good beat"
"And I can dance to it" (although I still argue that the noun dancing is widely left up to interpretation these days

Big ups to Luda, 50, Fab, T.I. & Bussa Buss for at least making me tune into the radio just to see what's the latest thing you all have going...

I'm out

The kid who wonders why the best alliance in Hip Hop only put out one album together?

B. Holcomb

P.S. Peace to MTV and your greatest emcees of all time list. Although I don't 100% agree, I was actually impressed w/ your list nonetheless

TDRS: The Brief Oscar Debrief Edition

Y'all know ya boy just had to give an Oscar debrief right? I’ll be brief b/c Monday mornings are pretty darn hectic and I actually do work, contrary to popular belief. Let’s see if I can get this done before 10am. Like MC Hammer, let’s get it started.

3-6-Mafia
I can’t wait for the first Caucasian person to come into my office and ask if I ever heard of 3-6-Mafia. What’s funny is that they probably think that I Haven’t heard of them. I am sitting here trying to figure out if this is a good thing.
The dumbfounded looks of many of the Caucasians in the crowd after 3-6 was announced the winner was just priceless. I think I counted about 4 to 5 “oh my God’s”.
Jon Stewart correctly observing Martin Scorsese zero, 3-6-Mafia one, was straight up hilarious.
Btw, Jon Stewart was straight up hilarious…period! I think he played the dozens on way more folks than Chris Rock did last year. Stewart saying “Walk the line is Ray with white people was nothing but the truth and the whole truth”!
No matter what you hip-hop heads think, we WERE set back a few years with that performance. American’s know better, but I can’t say that’s the case overseas.
I found it interesting how the cameras were constantly on the handful of black folks in the crowd. I mean, did they really think Terrance Howard, J-Foxx, and J-Singleton weren’t going to show their love?
Did anyone catch one of the members saying “shout out to George Clooney b/c he showed me love when I first met him”? How cool is that? Do you think Clooney invited them to his after party or vice versa? Will “show me love” be the new Hollywood catch phrase?
I wonder if 3-6 was approached on the red carpet? And if so, what did Star Jones/Joan Rivers and all the others had to say about their outfits. Can you imagine, Joan Rivers saying “Here is Crunchy Black wearing a Memphis Grizzles hat by Starter, jeans by Crunchy Ltd, white-T by Hanes, and shoes by lugz?
HBO should really sign these guys up for an episode of the Sopranos.
I have a submission for this new Visa promotion. It goes like this. 25-inch Spinners $25,000, 25 carat platinum grillz-$35,000, the fact that we can now say the Oscar award winning 3-6 Mafia…PRICELESS!

Miscellaneous Observations
Jennifer Garner, you almost made my night.
Even if Terrance Howard had performed with 3-6 Mafia, Ben Stiller would have won taken home the totally embarrassing title.
For the Oscars to be seen by hundreds of millions of people, the commercials really stunk.
I know everyone has said this, but it bears repeating. The Oscars should really be a 1.5 hr show, 2hrs tops. Just do like BET and have an entire Award show for those awards that people care nothing about. Best black supporting actor in a black comedy series that’s lasted more than two seasons on a predominately black network goes to not an individual but the cast of Girlfriends.
I think there is something eerily familiar about this Kiera Knightly chick. Wasn’t she a shoplifter back in the day? Or was that Winona Ryder? My bad.
It just so happens a hip-hop icon announces the Oscar for best song. Hmmmm….
How cool would it have been had Menace to Society been in the running for an Oscar back in the day? Can you imagine UGK performing a pocket full of stones?
Was it just I or did it seem like the movie Chronicles of Narnia was in every category? Moreover, did all the guys in the crowd look like they had been trying out for Men In Black III?
How much do you want to bet that a “down-low” movie is coming to a theatre near us pretty soon? I can’t believe no one has jumped on this. Let’s put our money together guys and pay Don Cheatle and Terrance Howard to play the lead roles. You can’t tell me the movie wouldn’t sell and be an Oscar front-runner.
I mean, we all knew there was no way we were going to get best actor in back–to back-years, yet alone 3 out of the last 4. Let me stop, the fact that we are getting nominations more consistently is wonderful…right?

TDRS: THE BLACK "HIS" STORY EDITION

What up FAM, What up Folk! It’s ya boy and I’m coming out hard like that old school Eightball & MJG. Yeah it’s Black History month and ya boy would be remised if he didn’t at least say a few words and I mean a few words, like around a 1000.

I know we’ve all thought about this, but why do we have Black History “Month”? I mean it really bugs me to see all these great programs, advertisements, etc. in February, only to see them disappear like the rapper Loon after 28 days. Big shout out to Mr. Carter G Woodsen for creating Black History month (started out as a week)! However, it’s past time to recognize our history throughout the year. I mean, we should recognize important events in our history just like Jewish folks. I guess we need to know our history before celebrating our history, so I’ll settle down on my dreams.

Speaking of great programs, I watched “Slavery and the making of America” on PBS this past Sunday. I am a sucker for Civil War content, particularly when they focus on my ancestors. Anyway, I wish I could provide a detailed synopsis of the show, but I’d rather send a personal F-U …a la Tupac on “Hit Em Up” to a few folks from back in the day, as in the time of the Civil War. Without further ado, I’d like to say F-U to:

1. George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and all of the U.S. presidents who actually owned slaves or turned a blind eye to slavery.

2. The 17th U.S. president, Mr Andrew Johnson, who all but let every southern plantation owner and confederate soldier off the hook! Oh and I almost forgot, the 19th U.S. president, Rutherford B.Hayes who pulled Federal troops from the South, which allowed the hell bound, melanin deficient, dummies to wreak havoc on my people. It’s sort of funny that it took another Pres. Johnson to call back in the troops…like 100 years later. Speaking of…

3. The state of Mississippi, for just being the state of Mississippi. I should add the “northern states” too, who looked down on the “southerners” for the slave trade, yet made millions in textiles using the “blood” cotton my people picked.

4. To the colonel who whipped Pvt Trip in Glory! I say Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord!

5. And last but definitely not least, the Dutch people, for it was them that started the madness!

Am I mad? You damn right, I am. I’d just like to say that if you are black and don’t feel a knot in your stomach every time you view such a program or think about life pre & post 1865, then you aren’t really black! It never gets old! …Now Jamie Foxx saying, “she takes my money” every time he’s on stage, now that is definitely getting old.

Okay, now that I got that off my chest, lets move on! ……

Given that we didn’t do a HollaAtYa 2005 Award edition, I thought I’d take the liberty and do something close to it in remembrance of Black History Month.

The Dr. Martin Lutha the King Award for Non-violence
This has to go to Shaquille O’Neil for keeping the peace with the snitch, Kobe Bryant. For all the hype, there was no violence.

The “Rosa Parks I’m not getting out of my seat” Award to gold medal speed skater Shani Davis, who refused to skate on the relay team. For the millions who didn’t watch one iota of the Games, Shani Davis acting as the defiant black man was just classic, I tell ya. Melissa Stark (the most clueless sideline reporter on earth) actually had the nerve to be like Denise Huxtable asking Cliff….”ARE U ANGRY”. For those of you who don’t remember that Cosby episode, then again I say, you aint black!

The “He whooped Joe Louis’s Ass” Award to JJ Reddick of Duke University and Adam Morrison, for straight up killing brothas on the court this year. I mean could this be the year where two “crackers” actually crack the top 3? FYI, did you know that the name crackers derived from white men cracking the whip on horse drawn carriages? I knew that GA history class we were forced to take in 7th grade would come in handy one day.

The “I plead the FIF Award” to Barry Lamar Bonds, who aint got nothing to say about using steroids. Runner-up has to be Sammy “America has been very good to me” Sosa, who suddenly couldn’t speaka English at the congressional hearings.

The “If I fail and If I succeed/they can’t take away my dignity” Award has to go to FAMU’s own Nate Newton. Big Nate was not only one of the greatest to push 300-pound defensive lineman around, but also dared to push 200 pounds of weed, not once, but twice!

The “That’s just my baby daddy, aka the Memorial Shawn Kemp & Jesse Jackson Award” to Isaiah Thomas for keeping his love child on the low. Isaiah should look at the bright side though. This child will be a good tax deduction when the NY Knicks give you a lump sum payment to get the hell on!

The “George Washington Carver Award” goes to Paul Wall, Nelly and all those who mass-produce “grillz”. Thanks for your contribution to society! A close second goes to Chrysler for inventing the black man’s Bentley. I thought for sure GM had the market on lock for years to come with the Escalade.

The “His momma called him Clay, I’m a call him Clay Award” to T“eh”Rell Owens, I mean T“url”Rell Owens, for just being himself.

The “I gotta stay fly ah, ah I”Award goes to head football coach Alvin Wyatt of Bethune Cookman for being so fresh and clean at the annual Florida Classic. http://fcsports.collegesports.com/genrel/112104aaa.html?pic=7 I couldn’t find the pic for 2005 where my man was in all white linen with gators.

The “It just keeps calling me” Award goes to Ricky Williams for taking advantage of the “Five-O-Clock” free-crack giveaway…if it wasn’t weed, then please tell me what it was…maybe he was drinking “Redballs”.

The “You made it a hot line, I made it a hot song” award to Kanye West and Jamie Fox for Gold Digger.

The “Nate Dogg Living Legend” Award to the convict, Akon for taking the baton and running with it. “Akon and young Jeezeh, trying to take it eazeh”…I love that hook!

The Marcus Garvey Award to Dave Chappell, for truly going back to Africa!

The 2005 T-Martin Award for white quarterbacks who couldn’t win with the same if not more talent around him goes to Chris Simms.

The “Back then they didn’t want me, now I’m hot they all on me” Award to Apple Computer, which has made shareholders some serious cash the last few years. H G Tate, I should’ve listened to you like 8 years ago when you said buy the stock! God is my witness, my boy called it!

I could go on with this, but in the interest of time, I’ll just stop now! March is National Women’s History Month, so be on the look out for the long awaited “Brotha’s TopWhite Girl List”, the 2006 Female Calendar for Brothas and more.

HollaAtYaBoy!

FAMU's Marching 100 at the Grammy's . . . and Kanye

The Hip Hop Knowledge Base---The Editorial

Happy New Year to all! As a change of pace, my inagur..inag....my first entry of 2006 will not be the quiz, but rather some observations of events going on in this game they call "The Hip Hop Culture". So without further adue, in the words of the almighty Slick Rick: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRE WE GOOOOO!!!:


Lil Jon has earned a pass

If you consider yourself a true music fan, I would highly recommend that you make an investment into the satellite radio game! I have Sirius radio for my whip, and as a DirecTV subscriber, I now have XM radio (Praise God they eliminated that mockery of satellite radio they call "Music Choice"). With satellite radio (and BTW, I'll be happy to provide a free consult to anyone thinking about moving to satellite radio...this move will seriously change your life), I now have true variety in my life! Sure my roots and passion are always hip hop, but every now and then I like to get my fix of Soul music, Alternative Rock (If you don't know about Avenged Sevenfold , you truly are asleep) Jazz, 80's hard rock (hell 80's pop music altogether...yo, don't look @ me like I'm the only who still grooves to Bon Jovi's "Livin' On A Prayer" or "Sussudio" by Phil Collins) and of course old school (My fav old school band OF ALL TIME is Earth, Wind & Fire).

The night of Friday January 28th, 2006, Soultown (the old school R&B station on SIRIUS) did a spotlight on Soul Brother #1 himself James Brown. So while in my ride rolling south on I-35 I'm groovin' to the beats of "I got that feelin'" (am I the only one that thinks about Russell & Anna Huxtable's 51st anniversary when I hear this song?), "Night Train", "Sex Machine", "Santa Claus is coming to the ghetto" and my personal favorite (and probably most oversampled beat in Hip Hop next to Tana Garnder's "Hearbeat") "The Payback" (Part 1 & 2).

As I'm listening to the thumpin' bass lines and scorching horns over these unquestionalby funky tracks...it then dawns on me that except for the occasional "Alrights", "HUH!" and "HEEEEEY!!!" there are no real lyrics to James Brown's songs, yet all of these are considered classics! At which instance I had to briefly put my head down (by now I'm about to merge from 67 to I-20 West) and admit, that your guy Lil' Jon is using the same formula.

People who know me, know I love some Dave Chappelle . And nobody was happier than me when Dave pointed out to everyone that all Jon does is create "The Crunk beat", get some guys who have mediocore lyrical talent, say a catchy hook and then Jon will come in with "WHAT!?!" OR "OOOOOKAAAAY!!!" and he has a platinum hit. I can no longer hate on this clown for destroying our music...b/c in the age where crooners such as Sam Cooke, Smokey Robinson (Who I believe over the span of his carreer got more ass than anyone in the music industry to date) and Wilson Pickett were known for their vocal talents...brother James would still bring a house down with his music. The only difference is, in 2006 Lil Jon and his cronies Big Sam and Lil Bo are amongst a slew of non talented individuals who get rotation in Hip Hop today, but yet the beat is slammin'.

So now as I pull up in my driveway, I still remain a lost soldier in the movement for true Hip Hop. But when it comes to what's on the radio, I will now resolve myself to an audience member on the old tv show American Bandstand

"I like the song"
"It has a good beat"
"And I can dance to it" (well that's still up for debate, b/c I still argue that crunk music was created for people who can't dance...but that's another blog)


The Passion of Kanye West

Admittingly, I'm a different person at age 29 than I was at 22. Specifically it's because I pay closer attention to the line between church and state. Prior to the weekend of January 28th 2006, there was some minor controversy involving your friend and mine Kanye West. For those of you who don't know, on the most recent cover of the Rolling Stone Kanye West is posed like Jesus. (Sidebar: I'm laffing out loud now, because I just remembered that in the summer of 1998 ODB (Ol Dirty Bastard of the Wu Tang Clan) insisted that people call him "Jesus"...I digress). So now people were midly disturbed by this photo...whereas myself, while not surprised, I didn't really think that much of it. At the least I felt that I should be offended, but even that thought resulted in a shrug of the shoulders. At which point, I had to flash back to 1999 (when I was 22).

I remember Nas had a video out to the song entitled "Hate Me Now", where Puff was on the Hook*. In that video (if you recall), there's a scene where Nas is also dressed as Jesus, bearing the cross and people were stoning him. Again being 22, I wasn't as attentive to the line of church and state, I remember Puff & Nas releasing inivdual statements that went along these lines

We are by no means trying to defame the name of Jesus Christ during the showing of this video. His likeness is only used as artistic interpretation

I believe Makevelli made a similar disclosure on his album: The 7 day theory. But even then I don't remember a lot of fuss about that "portrayal" either. @ any rate curiosity got the best of me, and I picked up the Rolling Stone over the weekend, and read the cover story.

I came out of the article not knowing anything more (nor surprising) about Kanye, but the article did a great job of capturing his passion for everything he does (from making beats, to writing songs, to rapping (again, in my opinion this is debateable...but he gets by), and setting pop culture trends. I simply believe Rolling Stone wanted to capture that same passion, by offering up the metaphor of "posing as Jesus" on our next cover. What's slightly humorous is the fact that Kanye actually responded "I'll do it", instead of laughing it off...

Clearly there was no malice or disrepect intended, but as Michael Eric Dyson once said "Although your intent may differ from the resulting consequences, you must be prepared to accept those consequnces should you follow through with your actions". Quite honestly, I believe the Bush has more concerning issues such as wondering why the Humas party won the demorcatic elections in Pakistan, as opposed to forcing America to question their spiritual and religous (and there is a difference) by Kanye's latest portrayal.

Hey, whether or not Kanye wins Album of the year @ the 2006 Grammy's, he still will continue to bring us heat in the upcoming years. "Hate it or Love it" ya'll, Kanye is here to stay

*-a note to all record labels. Please do not continue to give us the misconception that some is gonna spit bars on a track by saying they are featured, and all they do is a hook. And for you emcees that are in fact features, but you're saying a hook...DAMNIT DEMAND SOME BARS!! You know, if you really think about it, the artist could've hired their child to say the same sh** that you are!! Put a flow together and make it nice!!!


DID YOU KNOW?: Before he blazed the galaxy with the Star Trak, Pharrell produced the beat to the 1993 party anthem "Rump Shaker" or as I like to refer to it: The Butt v.2.0



Alright, I've rambled enough for long enuff...

5000,

B. Holcomb a/k/a: The Inspiration that made Lady sing the Blues

TDRS: The We Some Head Bussas Edition

What up Fam? What up Folk? It’s ya boy and I’m here to spit the truth like my name is Karrine Steffens…aka Superhead! I’ll speak more on this “head case” in a second. I know it’s been awhile, but the holidays and the stress of trying to tackle another group in the bank took up much of my writing time. Anway, many of you have been begging for some commentary, so ya boy is here to once again spit that straight fire and knock you out with the head-butt like the “Great Panther” from the ole school Ninetendo days. I’m so excited today to finally write, so I am just going to dive right in and hit up on some things old and new, so excuse me a”head” of time “if you already knew this or that”. I’ll have a more theme based TDRS next week. I have to get back in the groove of things….As usual lets start with…

Whose Embarrassed The Race- January 2006

Nelly
Okay, the spook from St. Lou is really starting to bother me with his determination to single-handedly embarrass black people. This new let me see your “grill” song is just absolutely ludicrous. There is a point in time where you have to just say this is over the top. Now the credit card between the cheeks was definitely a work of art by Nelly. Definitely over the top, but tastefully done…Let me stop.

J.R.
He’s been out of the limelight for awhile but our favorite whippin boy J.R. aka Isaiah Rider allegedly got into an argument Wednesday night with the unidentified female acquaintance and drove off with her against her will, according to Espn.com. The woman began to scream, attracting the attention of police. Authorities tracked Rider down early Thursday morning and arrested him, Baker said. The woman was not injured.

All I want to know is why did the police have to track JR down? I mean was there a car chase that went on until the early morning hours? Did he have a gun to her head and refused to disarm the childprotection locks? These are just a few of my questions.

Showtime
I’m giving dap to Showtime with a pair of ashy feet, for actually showing Soulplane on its network. I boycotted this movie when it debuted, but was talked into watching it by the “girlie” last night and let me just say that it was absolutely awful. As I write this, I just thought of a few ways to decide if a “black movie will be terrible or marginally watchable.

1. If there are more than two people in the movie that starred in a sitcom on UPN. Bonus: if their respective UPN shows only lasted 2 seasons, then don’t even bother renting the DVD.
2. If the starring role is filled by a hip-hop star playing himself. And no, Eight Mile doesn’t count here.
3. If there are more than two hip-hop artists in starring roles…Krush Grove is exempt from this list.
4. When LL Cool J has a major role.
5. If it doesn’t at least include Samuel Jackson…we know Sam will do just about any movie.
6. Any movie with Ving Rhames cooking eggs butt-ass naked.
7. Any movie with Beyonce starring as a singer or her singing ability is a major piece to the plot.
8. Now that I think about it, any movie that stars Beyonce.
9. Any movie that attempts to replicate an old school black event. For instance, movies which try to replicate Black Beach Weekend.
10. Any movie that stars at least two Wayan brothers and Vivica Fox.

I’ll expand on the black movie phenomenon more in a future TDRS that’s being t’d up as we speak. I thought I’d let you marinate on this for a week first.

“How- do-you- know-if-I’m-telling-you-so”…
…Anyway, Ms Steffans has got to be the smartest woman in the world. I’m not sure how many people caught it, but Ms Steffans was on the Suze Orman show on CNBC a few weeks ago receiving financial advice on what to do with the dough she’s earning from her new tell-all book. I have just a few things to say/ask about this. How many men does a woman have to sleep with to be considered a “hoe”? Or is it the person she sleeps with that makes that determination? I’m just asking b/c if some of these other women who are currently with rap stars, atheletes, or business moguls, slept with just as many or even the same folks for that matter as Karen, then aren’t these same women hoes as well? I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m not defending Ms Steffans, but it does make me think about her situation with a bit less cynicism. As a sidenote, does she already have dibs on Memoirs of Hoe? And is the soundtrack going to be produced by Whoddini. (As RedMan said, laugh now and figure the $hit out when you get home). She’s got to be put on Oprah at some point right? What’s the difference between her story and that of the author who fabricated his “million little pieces” book? At least we know her story is for the most part true. Or did she just allegedly sleep with everyone? Speaking of…

“Allegedly”
Can someone please stop the madness with this whole “allegedly” thing? Maybe I’m just old school, but if you didn’t do the crime, just say it and stop with all this alledgedly crap. My apologies to all the attorneys out there but at some point a person is just guilty! For instance, I know they’re innocent until proven guilty, but the twins from American Idol have milked their newfound fame into a record deal with SO-SO DEF, despite being charged with identity theft. People, this isn’t putting on a pair of glasses and some suspenders and calling oneself Urkel, only to get caught and say “did I do that”? This isn’t something where DNA evidence is going to exonerate them. I’m sorry, when someone is playing with my money and credit, justice needs to be served and swiftly.

I know I’ll get some flak for this, but Frank & Wanda should be shot for putting these guys on air in the midst of the controversy. We’ll, on second thought I guess I can’t blame them b/c they are in the entertainment business. However, I do question the many people who called in with their support. This is like Bernie Ebbers and Kenneth Lay going on CNBC when things were in the “alledgedly stage” and MCI/Enron employees calling in with their support. Theft is theft and that’s the bottom line! I hope they are truly innocent versus not guilty…doubt it, but I’m open to being proven wrong. I mean if you didn’t do it, say you didn’t do it. Is that darn simple! I’m still waiting for R.Kelly to say he didn’t do it. The twins all but avoided any discussion of the case, which society has been tricked into believing is necessary…. Whatever! I am telling you all now that if I am ever arrested for something that I know I didn’t do, you can best believe I will personally make that statement…no lawyers, no avoiding the questions, no nothing. All Kobe had to say was that he didn’t do it and everything would have been fine with me, but…he let it play out in court b/c there was something that did happen…I don’t know what, but something we’ll never fully know and unfortunately people will always hold that against him. Speaking of…

“Kobe aka Mr. Backdoor Cut”
I am not going to dwell on the master of the backdoor cut, but will someone please apologize so Kobe can stop his 2006 Revenge Tour. Granted this was against the Raptors and not the Pistons, Spurs, Heat, or even the HAWKS, so I refuse to give him too much dap. I mean when he starts droppin 55 in the garden against the Spurs, during the playoffs, then maybe I’ll say he’s “Jordanlike”. He’ll never go down as an adjective, never, ever! As Scoop Jackson of ESPN.com alluded to, Kobe has become Tupac and it’s him “against the world”. I prefer the tune of Picture Me Rolling to describe Mr. Backdoor Cut. Kobe’s play lately parrallels the lyrics in in this particular Tupac song. You tell me:

HehehehehehehIs y'all ready for me?Picture me rollin roll callYou know there's some muh'fuckers out there I just could not forget aboutI wanna make sure they can see meNumber one on my list: Colorado Correctional FacilitiesAll you bitch ass C.O.'sCan you niggaz see me from there?Ballin on y'all punk ass, ahhaahahah!Picture me rollin, babyYeah, all them niggaz up in them cell blocksI told y'all niggaz when I come home it's onHmm, that's right nigga, picture me rollinOh, I forgot! The Denver D.A.Yeah, that bitch had a lot to talk about in courtCan the hoe see me from here?Can you see me, hoe?Picture me rollinAnd all you punk denver police -- can you see me?Am I clear to you? Picture me rollin nigga, legitFree like O.J. all day

I especially like the last verse….straight up classic!

“Ray J”
Big shout out to my boy J Jackson and sis-n-law J Dunn for sending ya boy more material to comment on. I am not sure everyone got this but I was rolling on the floor laughing after Ray J’s interview. There are so many topics in this interview and I just have to touch em all. Let’s start with the name of Ray J’s new album “Raydiation”. Here are exerpts from Ray J’s interview with the associated press:

AP: Why name the album 'Raydiation'?

Ray J: It's a cleansing. I needed to be cleaned. I needed to clean myself from all my demons. All my bad vibes and just build back on being confident again. There was a time when I just stopped being confident and started thinking about other things.

Okay, last time I checked “radiation” was actually bad for you, not good and definitely not something to be associated with cleansing. I got it, maybe those bad vibes were like cancer and he was killing the disease. What were these demons? Oh I got it, RJ was in a gang and all that gangbanging is probably huanting him? Hmmmm….

Let’s continue with the interview.

AP: Your voice has been compared to Ralph Tresvant’s from New Edition

Ray J: That's cool. I heard that one time, that's a good look. I was a New Edition fan.

I’m offended that the interviewer actually made that comparison…I mean comparing Ralph’s voice to anything is just hilarious, yet alone that of Brandy’s brother. Lil Kim really started something with that “is that Brandy’s brother” spot on his last LP…. Remember? I actually like his new song, but the video is just too much. Message to all video directors, …dude’s singing in the rain outside some girl’s window is played out. Where is Busta Bus when you need him?

AP: You know who speaks very highly of you? Karrine Stephans (the tell-all groupie author).

Ray J: Kerrine Stephans?

AP: Superhead?

Ray J: Oh, oh, oh, yeah. She's cool.

AP: Was there any love there?

Ray J: Love like 'in love?' No, we had fun together. I was at my peak of being wild and she helped me be wild. We had a great wild life together, it was fun, exciting, exotic; it was very, very, very intense as far as just being wild. I was 18, 19, at my peak of exploration and finding out things about women, life and fun. And she helped me.

Hmmm…funny how these things just come together eh? Clearly, Karrine Stephans has some skills b/c Ray J was so turned out he forgot who she was? I mean did the reference to Superhead as opposed to the name her mama gave her really cause him to remember the fun and very multiplied by 3, intensity they shared. I’m just asking? Maybe these are the demons or maybe….

AP: So you're a former gangbanger?

Ray J: Yeah. As a teenager ... I was young and just trying to find myself.

Now remember he answered the question yes, he was a gangbanger. Check his later comments.

AP: Have you ever shot at anybody?
Ray J: Nah, I never shot at anybody. I didn't take it there. You know I was only 13, 14.

So Ray J was a gangbanger and never shot “at” anybody? I can see not actually shooting someone, but to even qualify as a gangbanger wouldn’t you have to at least shoot at something. Come on now Ray please stop the lies and deciet. Don’t have us pull out that video from MTV where you and your sister were punked. “We are just good kids”. That’s what your sister said. Right Ray?

Just a few more random thoughts/questions for this week:

Can someone please tell Coach Dungy to go and rent the movie Crimson Tide, so he can get the balls to tell Peyton he’s the captain of the ship.
Was Shaq mad that Kobe lied or that Kobe broke the “bros before hoes” code? I’m just curious.
Who is bow-wow talking to in his new “fresh as AMIZ’ cut? I’m mean its really hard for a 15-16 yr old be as fresh as he is….Maybe he’s talking to Lil Romeo?
Are folks in the ATL just all about keeping dance moves simple? I say this because, the new “lean wit it/rock wit it” dance is almost as easy as the “bankhead bounce”.
The WB and the UPN, and the u pick a negro network are merging……SO!!!! I guess this means Flex, the Cast of Girlfriends, All of Us, and Half & Half can all be one half-hour show. This is another concept that needs to be developed. More on this in a future TDRS. For now….

HollAtYaBoy