To the millions and millions of my adoring fans,
You know I'm going to stop with that intro because there's only like 150 of y'all that read this anyway. I know I was supposed to come back with a "Love & Happiness" Edition like a week after I dropped the "Fire & Brimstone" joint, but school and the other trials and travails life plotted against that one coming out. This is why I have this new edition called "I Got Beef." You all know I don't touch the red meat anymore, nope; I have beef with just the stupid stuff that goes on in the world. So for those of you who are experiencing this for the first time and were expecting that hard-hitting investigative-type journalism that I spent months agonizing over in my last few editions; this issue is not going to be like those. Why? Unfortunately, I just haven't had the time to put in the research. However, for those of you lucky enough to get in on the ground floor of the "He's Coming Back" letter, you'll remember how I used to rock it. And if you think I'm talking about you, you are probably right. I still have much love for you though.
1. Compaq Computer Corporation. I now understand why Compaq has had so many leadership/financial problems and why this merger with HP has been so shaky. THOSE FOOLS CANNOT BUILD A DECENT COMPUTER! For example, I bought the machine that I am writing this on in December of 2000, right after I finished making that big loot with Bristol Myers Squibb (another company that is having problems, but that's another story). I paid like $1200 for it and it worked fine until last semester when the modem tripped-out. So off to CompUSA I go to drop another $100 plus parts. Then this semester the DVD and CDRW drives trip out, yet another "Ben Franklin" down the drain. Then the machine won't recognize my version of MS-DOS, another "C-Note" out of my pocket. Finally the machine starts-up and Explorer performs and illegal error. Not only was this yet another fat, crispy hundred-dollar bill leaving my wallet, but I also lost ALL of my information. I mean papers, email addresses, phone numbers, pictures, and most importantly all of my greatest Internet newsletters to you all just gone like an N'SYNC song. So after factoring in the price of new parts its like I bought an $1800 computer, except I didn't get the $1,800 performance or value. How you love that? I have hard copies of most of my creations, but would some please be so kind as to send me copy of the "Fire and Brimstone" edition; I'd greatly appreciate it. So, oh yeah, I got beef with Compaq.
2. Sick People. Nothing gets to me more than when people come to school or work and are just madd sick. Then they want to shake hands or hug you or touch your glass of water or plate of food. I mean, just spreading germs all around. When you are sick, unless it cannot be avoided PLEASE STAY AT HOME. Although I have some of the worst habits like not sleeping enough or eating right all of the time, I rarely get sick. However, when I was writing this on Tuesday, I was recovering from a severe cold because too many people rolled up at school last week with germs ablaze. So I know your question: Did I stay at home Monday and Tuesday? The answer is no, because I had presentations on both days (unavoidable situations). However, without these pressing matters I would have been kicked back in my bed watching "The Price is Right" or " A Wedding Story." So sick people, I got beef with you.
3. Bad Drivers. Ladies, why is it that you attempt to put on make-up and drive at the same time? At least wait until you get to a stoplight to spruce up the powder. But it's not limited to ladies, if I see one more guy trying to read a map or the paper and drive at the same time . . . Just pull over to the side of the road or better yet invest in a car with the GPS system. I've almost been hit numerous times by people doing these "multi-tasking" activities. I'm telling you if someone had hit my baby, it would have been on. My lawyer would be defending me right now. Next, what is up with all of those people that drive the speed limit or slower in the fast lane? If I want to get my speed on that's my business. I don't need other people out there being the morality police. If I want to take the chance of getting a ticket or worse, please let me be. Also what's up with the people that have all of those tight sports cars and don't open them up on the road? I just don't get it. Bad drivers, I got beef with you.
4. The Whole Israel - Palestine Issue. Nothing saddened me more than waking up on Easter Morning and hearing about the suicide bombings and the subsequent retaliatory attacks in the Mideast. However, one of the things that amused me was when the following Sunday the pundits were saying that Israel was defying an order by the US, by retaliating. I'm not taking sides in this issue because it's far too complex for me to fully comprehend. However, there are a few things that I do know. First, this conflict is practically biblical. These two groups, while not under the modern names have been fighting forever; so do we really think that by having the US step in that anything is going to change? Second, the last time I checked Israel was a sovereign nation, which pretty much means they can do whatever they want to do. Israel is defying a US order. What? That would be like someone telling me I can't shave my head, brush my teeth, eat, drink, and be merry. In the words of Cedric the Entertainer, "I'm a grown a-- man," I'll do what I want to do. Israel has the same right. So pundits and policy makers, I got beef with you.
5. My Dating Life. I don't want you all to think that my life is not great because it is. I have the best family anyone could wish for, my health is tight, I've been around the world, I already have another internship lined up for the summer and fall, and I am finally finished with classes at the end of the month (but don't look for your graduation invitations until December). Life is good, very good in all aspects except for one: Can a brother please find someone to talk to before I start pushing 30 and become the old man at the club? My lack of companionship became abundantly clear to me when I was leaving church two Sundays ago. I was watching all the young couples heading back to their automobiles and it dawned on me that "Hey, I wish I had someone to take to church and eat Sunday dinner with." Now don't get me wrong, most of the time I thoroughly enjoy being single. I really think that my personality is almost predicated on that concept; because as most of you know, I can be borderline narcissistic at times. Yet and still, sometimes I just don't understand what's going on. It straight boggles my mind why I am still single. Let's peep my stats for a quick sec. I'm young (24), tall (6'5 3/4"), and am 210 pounds of solid muscle (okay, the solid muscle is taking a little poetic license, but I'm working on it). I don't have any children, never been married, have solid job prospects with exponential earning potential, finally got rid of that stalker (just kidding) and yet I still can't find a date. However, Pookie at the gas station with the gold fronts and the jheri curl has all the ladies. What is up with that? Now, I'm not trying to hate on Pookie, because Pookie needs love too. But let's be real, Pookie vs. AIR? No comparison. Tallahassee supposedly has this 7 to 1, female to male ratio, but I haven't seen it. So, I don't have beef with my life, but I working on this whole dating thing.
6. The Way We Treat Each Other. Contrary to popular belief, I really don't talk that much. I know my commentaries are long, but that's because I'm more comfortable in this medium. Since I don't talk that much, it leaves me with a significant amount of time to make observations. Kids today just don't respect their parents or their elders and it truly dismays me. I have this whole theory about kids born after 1979 and the issues they have. If you fall into this group, I'm not trying to intentionally offend. However, I think when 1980 rolled around that's when parents just went soft on their kids, and started punishing them with things like "timeouts" and "go to your room and think about what you've done." What ever happened to the good ole days of having to go out and pick your own switch, having cabbages thrown at you, or trying to run from that hand that seemed to magically come from the sky and smack you? It's just a thought. Male/Female relationships these days seem to be more adversarial than ever. Where is the respect? Where is the love? For those of you that went to Gulfport High, I know you all remember Mr. Grabowski's rules of things that males and females just should not do in front of each other or to each other. However, as I look around it just seems like anything goes now, and it's totally accepted or at least tolerated. However, just because something is accepted does not make it right. So whom do I have beef with? I have beef with all of us, myself included because unfortunately I don't always do the right thing.
7. Yahoo. Yahoo gets no love from me because at the end of the month they are going to start charging for their account-holders to download their email into clients such as Eudora, Outlook Express, and Outlook (the client that I use to compose these masterpieces offline). I got hooked on using Outlook when I was out in Los Angeles and I refuse to go back to tying up my phone line to compose email. The price of this service ranges from $19.99 to $29.99 a year. Twenty-nine dollars just for the privilege to read my messages offline, I think not. In fact, they should be happy that I download my mail, because it increases available bandwidth and storage space for them. So if anyone is using a service provider that offers efficient service and most importantly integration with Outlook for free, I would appreciate it if you passed the name along. Yahoo gets the "USDA Grade A" I got beef rating.
8. Body Language. This one is in conjunction with My Dating Life. Women, I am going to let you in on a little secret about men. In the absence of any concrete information men have the tendency to make assumptions with the information that is available. For those of you whom have had any exposure to psychology or sociology you know that 90 percent of communication is nonverbal. Thus, when women aren't giving us any explicit answers, nonverbal clues make up the basis of the information that we use to form our analysis. So let me give you a few signs that you send off which will basically kill a guy's night out with you. One, if you hug a guy and give him the little pats on the back at the same time you have effectively just told him that he is locked in "The Friend Zone." As Chris Rock told us back in 1996, there is no escape from "The Friend Zone," so most guys will just bail on you rather than risk being confined in TFZ. I'm not saying that you are consciously aware of it, but just think about the last time you hugged a friend compared to someone whom you might be interested in . . . there is a difference. Two, if you cross your legs away from a guy if you are sitting next to him or toward the door if sitting in front of him, then you are saying that you are not interested or in the second case trying to make a quick getaway. So if you are wondering why your dating life is not up to par and guys run from you like the plague, consider some of the signs I just mentioned. Better yet you could just say what you mean and mean what you say and save us all of the trouble of having to make suppositions all together. You all do give off other positive signals, but this isn't called the "Love & Happiness" edition; it's strictly about stuff I have beef with. (And yes I know that you are not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition, so please don't go and tell my mom.)
All right after I've attacked almost everyone, lost numerous friends, and totally put my personal life out there for public scrutiny; I do have some lighter stuff. So lets start with Entertainment and end with Shout Outs.
TELEVISION SHOWS
1. Smallville. This is the latest in a long line of Superman incarnations, however, this story has a twist. Clark Kent is in high school and has yet to hone his growing array of superpowers. At this point in the show he doesn't even know that he can fly. Another interesting plot juxtaposition is that Clark Kent and Lex Luther (his archenemy in all of the Superman films) are the best of friends. Lex struggles with trying to do the right thing, but somehow just not having things turn out that way. However, the highlight of the show has to be the actress that portrays Lana Lang (Kristen Kruek). She has some of the most beautifully haunting eyes that I have ever seen (look at the March 28th edition of Rolling Stone and you will see what I mean). All she would have to do was stare at me and you could stick a fork in me, because a brother would be done. And the best things are technically she is a minority and she is legal (so, Lorieal, no comments on that please). Smallville can be seen on the WB at 9:00pm on Tuesdays.
2. Alias. This show just might save ABC's dismal ratings. The show centers on a graduate student that has a secret life as a double agent. Fast moving plots, complex characters, and exotic locales help to make this show a hit. Also, the portrayal of the struggle that the main character Sidney goes through in order to maintain a "normal" life, while doing all these perilous assignments really captivates the audience. Alias can be seen on ABC at 9:00pm on Sundays.
3. P.T.I. (Pardon The Interruption). This show just might be the best one to come of last season's crop of new shows. Hosted by Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon, this show covers a variety of topics, mainly sports-related in a fast-paced and entertaining manner. Even if you were not a big sports fan you would like this show. Just to see the totally irreverent interaction between the show's hosts is worth giving it a try. P.T.I. can be seen on ESPN at 5:30pm and ESPN2 at 7:00pm every weekday.
MUSIC INDUSTRY OBSERVATIONS
1. I have to admit that I am totally feeling Cam'ron's new song "Oh, Boy." However I'm just wondering how many times are we going to have someone try to capitalize on the formula that Juvenile used in "Ha." Black Rob, are you listening?
2. While I'm on the subject of knock-offs, how many times is someone going to use the beat from Vanity's "Nasty Girl"? It's almost like the Neptunes think they invented it, because they bite it enough. First, you can hear it in the undertones of Philly's Most Wanted's "Please Don't Mind." Next, it was used in Britney Spears' "Slave 4 U" song. Finally, it is being trotted out once again for Jagged Edge's new joint. And speaking of Jagged Edge, would anyone recognize anyone from that group walking down the street except for the twins?
3. Could someone please tell me why Mobb Deep is trying to play the "sensitive thug" role popularized by Ja Rule with their latest songs? I thought Mobb Deep strictly represented hardcore rap. I suggest they listen to a copy of Dead Prez's "It's Bigger Than Hip Hop" which states: "That label is that slave-ship / owners got them whips / and rappers is slaves / if you want to eat / you got to hit." Obviously when the label says they have to move more albums, they are willing to do anything.
4. Why did Twista never blow up? You have to admit that all of his collaborations on tracks are fabulous. So why is it that his record never sold?
5. Why does Ashanti have the #1 album in America? She pushed like over 600,000 copies in the first week. I've lost absolutely all faith in the music-buying public. Don't get me wrong, she is totally attractive and all and I would holla at the drop of dime. I just question her musical skills. There are many more talented artists (that I will discuss in my CD reviews) who haven't done those numbers and their albums have been out for a year or more.
6. I have to finally admit to myself what I have been trying to deny for the past two years: N'SYNC is totally bangin'. I've got to give it up for those cats; they make some catchy tunes. You know you love "Gone", "Bye, Bye, Bye", "It's Gonna Be Me" and "Girlfriend."
CD REVIEWS
1. How I Do by Res. This is my selection for the best album of last year. This Philly native combines rock, R&B, pop, and alternative music into a seamless style that cannot be limited to one genre. I like to call it alternative R&B; you'll probably just call it the hot stuff. I picked up the album last August when it dropped and have been mesmerized since. She is finally starting to get some shine, because MTV has designated her as a "Buzzworthy" artist and has been playing her latest video "They Say Vision." However, I think the standout cuts on the album are "Golden Boys" (her first video) which lets all the posers at the club know that "life ain't a video", "Ice King", "700 Mile Situation", and "Tsunami." Regardless of what style of music you are into, you will probably feel this album.
2. The Way I Feel by Remy Shand. Do you remember the days of the Bobby Caldwell's "Do For Love", the Average White Band's "Love Of Your Own" or basically any song by Michael McDonald? I know that I am showing my age because I do. Well "blue-eyed soul" has made a comeback with Remy Shand's new album. I know that you are probably thinking, "This is just another white boy trying to sing soul music. We've already got Jon B." Well he is not trying to sing soul music; he succeeds in singing it with a passion that is lacked by a majority of the R&B artists out currently. Remy's album that he totally wrote, arranged, produced, performed, and mixed is an eclectic joy to listen to. His falsetto stylings remind me of Maxwell on most tracks except for two that are reminiscent of Al Green. His music isn't of the soulful "baby-making" variety of D'Angelo. No, it reminds me more of what one would find in a live jazz club on 6th Street (Austin, TX). Standout tracks on the album are "Burning Bridges", "The Second One", "Take A Message", and "The Mind's Eye", which has a fantastic jazz outro.
3. Red Star Sounds, Vol. I by Various Artists. This compilation, which was released in October of last year features a variety of headliners such as The Roots, Jill Scott, and Nelly Furtado; and lesser-known acts such Mr. "Don't U Forget It" Glenn Lewis and Lathun. This is a solid album from top to bottom especially the first 11 tracks (when was the last time you bought an album with 11 tight songs? Heck, when was the last time you bought an album with 5 tight songs). I highly recommend it.
4. Whoa, Nelly by Nelly Furtado. Okay, I'm going to admit that I was totally not buying into the whole Nelly Furtado hype when she first came out. MTV and VH1 were playing that "I'm Like A Bird" joint like every 30 minutes and I just couldn't get with it. I have to say that I started warming up to her style when she did the remix of "Get UR Freak On" with Missy, and when I heard "Turn Out The Lights" and "Legend" (which is featured on Red Star Sounds). Well, Joel went out and picked up the album a couple of weeks back. After I burned myself a copy (no props to the RIAA), it was the only CD that I played for a straight week. Like Res, she has a genre-bending style that somehow just works. Standout tracks are "Legend", "Baby Girl", and "...On The Radio." Also "Scared Of You" has to the second-best song that I have heard in the last year; it is absolutely beautiful.
5. 1st Born Second by Bilal. I picked this album up last year after I heard the song "Sometimes" (which is also featured on the Ali Soundtrack). Many of you all know that my main vice is buying CDs (300 and counting). With so many in the collection it's hard to give each one its proper due all of the time, thus was the case here. I listened to it twice or thrice and to the bottom of my rotation it went. Also the two or three times that I did listen to it, I just peeped the songs that were being played on the radio. That was a mistake on my part. A friend of mine asked me to burn her a copy (no props to the RIAA) and thus in the process I listened to the album again. I am hooked. The album is a lyrical and musical work of art. Bilal's style reminds of those old albums by Prince, before he got weird. You know the ones I'm talking about: Purple Rain, Around The World In A Day, and Sign O The Times. Standout songs on the album are "Fast Lane" with Dr. Dre and Jadakiss, "Soul Sista" which was feature on the Love & Basketball Sdtk, the aforementioned "Sometimes", and "Love Poems." I know you are probably wondering why did I say "Scared Of You" was the second-best song that I've heard in a year, and it is because a song on this album eclipsed it. "You Are" is without a doubt THE BEST SONG I have heard in the past 12 months. I have the song ripped on my computer. I pump it up in my home stereo. It is the only song that I've listened to in my car for the past four days. I am totally blown by this joint. Of course, it may have something to do with that fact that I'm just a sucker for love songs, but then y'all read what I wrote up top so there it is.
SHOUT OUTS
1. I have to say hello to my boy Sterling who says that I never give him any shine in my newsletters. Well, Sterling, there you go. You even get to headline the props section. I hope that you and the wife (I still can't believe that you are married) are holding it down up in DC.
2. I didn't get a chance to say congratulations to my girl Chrystal who graduated from USM in the fall. I'm proud of you.
3. A big congrats goes out to the Gulfport High basketball team that went 37 and 1, and won the state title while I was home over Spring Break. It was Gulfport's first title since Chris Jackson (Denver Nuggets fans will remember him by a different name) was there way back in 1988.
4. One time for my girl Karesha, who is following her dreams of being a dancer in Spain. You are a braver individual than me. For one, anyone who has seen me out knows that I couldn't dance my way out of a wet paper bag (Morgan, no jokes about the Delta Ball). For two, I don't think I could have giving up that cash flow. You know a brother has to have income coming in.
5. This one goes out to all my people in Atlanta. I'm moving to the ATL in June to push product for Glaxo Smith Kline in what will be my farewell internship. So, be sure to show a brother some love. I'll probably be up there this weekend; so if anyone has any recommendations for nice apartments to live in, preferably downtown (I'm not trying to fight traffic), I would greatly appreciate it if you dropped me a line.
6. Finally a big shout out to all of my buddies that are actually walking across the stage on April 27. We come from a variety of classes ('94, '95, '96, and '97), however, we all bonded and united under one common fact. We actually have memories of when Different Strokes was still on television and I'm not talking about in syndication.
Okay, that pretty much wraps it up. I know this was extremely long, but considering the fact that I don't know when I'm going to have the time to write again I had to get it out. Oh, and there was one last group that I have beef with that didn't make the top section. You know who you are. I'm here to let you know that the Purveyor of Poetry and the Prince of Prose has not fallen off. I started this joint way back in 1999, and I'm not going anywhere.
As always take care, much love, and God bless.
--AIR © 2002
P.S. Because I send this out to so many people I have been informed that some email programs actually filter it out as junk mail. My creations junk mail? Perish the thought. However, if you ever hear about one of the latest editions and it somehow didn't make it to you. Let me know and I will get it out to you forthwith.
