What up FAM, What up Folk! It’s ya boy and I’m coming out hard like that old school Eightball & MJG. Yeah it’s Black History month and ya boy would be remised if he didn’t at least say a few words and I mean a few words, like around a 1000.
I know we’ve all thought about this, but why do we have Black History “Month”? I mean it really bugs me to see all these great programs, advertisements, etc. in February, only to see them disappear like the rapper Loon after 28 days. Big shout out to Mr. Carter G Woodsen for creating Black History month (started out as a week)! However, it’s past time to recognize our history throughout the year. I mean, we should recognize important events in our history just like Jewish folks. I guess we need to know our history before celebrating our history, so I’ll settle down on my dreams.
Speaking of great programs, I watched “Slavery and the making of America” on PBS this past Sunday. I am a sucker for Civil War content, particularly when they focus on my ancestors. Anyway, I wish I could provide a detailed synopsis of the show, but I’d rather send a personal F-U …a la Tupac on “Hit Em Up” to a few folks from back in the day, as in the time of the Civil War. Without further ado, I’d like to say F-U to:
1. George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and all of the U.S. presidents who actually owned slaves or turned a blind eye to slavery.
2. The 17th U.S. president, Mr Andrew Johnson, who all but let every southern plantation owner and confederate soldier off the hook! Oh and I almost forgot, the 19th U.S. president, Rutherford B.Hayes who pulled Federal troops from the South, which allowed the hell bound, melanin deficient, dummies to wreak havoc on my people. It’s sort of funny that it took another Pres. Johnson to call back in the troops…like 100 years later. Speaking of…
3. The state of Mississippi, for just being the state of Mississippi. I should add the “northern states” too, who looked down on the “southerners” for the slave trade, yet made millions in textiles using the “blood” cotton my people picked.
4. To the colonel who whipped Pvt Trip in Glory! I say Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord!
5. And last but definitely not least, the Dutch people, for it was them that started the madness!
Am I mad? You damn right, I am. I’d just like to say that if you are black and don’t feel a knot in your stomach every time you view such a program or think about life pre & post 1865, then you aren’t really black! It never gets old! …Now Jamie Foxx saying, “she takes my money” every time he’s on stage, now that is definitely getting old.
Okay, now that I got that off my chest, lets move on! ……
Given that we didn’t do a HollaAtYa 2005 Award edition, I thought I’d take the liberty and do something close to it in remembrance of Black History Month.
The Dr. Martin Lutha the King Award for Non-violence
This has to go to Shaquille O’Neil for keeping the peace with the snitch, Kobe Bryant. For all the hype, there was no violence.
The “Rosa Parks I’m not getting out of my seat” Award to gold medal speed skater Shani Davis, who refused to skate on the relay team. For the millions who didn’t watch one iota of the Games, Shani Davis acting as the defiant black man was just classic, I tell ya. Melissa Stark (the most clueless sideline reporter on earth) actually had the nerve to be like Denise Huxtable asking Cliff….”ARE U ANGRY”. For those of you who don’t remember that Cosby episode, then again I say, you aint black!
The “He whooped Joe Louis’s Ass” Award to JJ Reddick of Duke University and Adam Morrison, for straight up killing brothas on the court this year. I mean could this be the year where two “crackers” actually crack the top 3? FYI, did you know that the name crackers derived from white men cracking the whip on horse drawn carriages? I knew that GA history class we were forced to take in 7th grade would come in handy one day.
The “I plead the FIF Award” to Barry Lamar Bonds, who aint got nothing to say about using steroids. Runner-up has to be Sammy “America has been very good to me” Sosa, who suddenly couldn’t speaka English at the congressional hearings.
The “If I fail and If I succeed/they can’t take away my dignity” Award has to go to FAMU’s own Nate Newton. Big Nate was not only one of the greatest to push 300-pound defensive lineman around, but also dared to push 200 pounds of weed, not once, but twice!
The “That’s just my baby daddy, aka the Memorial Shawn Kemp & Jesse Jackson Award” to Isaiah Thomas for keeping his love child on the low. Isaiah should look at the bright side though. This child will be a good tax deduction when the NY Knicks give you a lump sum payment to get the hell on!
The “George Washington Carver Award” goes to Paul Wall, Nelly and all those who mass-produce “grillz”. Thanks for your contribution to society! A close second goes to Chrysler for inventing the black man’s Bentley. I thought for sure GM had the market on lock for years to come with the Escalade.
The “His momma called him Clay, I’m a call him Clay Award” to T“eh”Rell Owens, I mean T“url”Rell Owens, for just being himself.
The “I gotta stay fly ah, ah I”Award goes to head football coach Alvin Wyatt of Bethune Cookman for being so fresh and clean at the annual Florida Classic. http://fcsports.collegesports.com/genrel/112104aaa.html?pic=7 I couldn’t find the pic for 2005 where my man was in all white linen with gators.
The “It just keeps calling me” Award goes to Ricky Williams for taking advantage of the “Five-O-Clock” free-crack giveaway…if it wasn’t weed, then please tell me what it was…maybe he was drinking “Redballs”.
The “You made it a hot line, I made it a hot song” award to Kanye West and Jamie Fox for Gold Digger.
The “Nate Dogg Living Legend” Award to the convict, Akon for taking the baton and running with it. “Akon and young Jeezeh, trying to take it eazeh”…I love that hook!
The Marcus Garvey Award to Dave Chappell, for truly going back to Africa!
The 2005 T-Martin Award for white quarterbacks who couldn’t win with the same if not more talent around him goes to Chris Simms.
The “Back then they didn’t want me, now I’m hot they all on me” Award to Apple Computer, which has made shareholders some serious cash the last few years. H G Tate, I should’ve listened to you like 8 years ago when you said buy the stock! God is my witness, my boy called it!
I could go on with this, but in the interest of time, I’ll just stop now! March is National Women’s History Month, so be on the look out for the long awaited “Brotha’s TopWhite Girl List”, the 2006 Female Calendar for Brothas and more.
HollaAtYaBoy!