Album Review: Bilal - Love for Sale

Okay, I am going to go ahead and admit my bias for Bilal right now. If you read my review of his first album in the “I Got Beef Edition,” then you are well aware of that fact. I think that he is one of the most creative artist to come along since Prince (no disrespect to Outkast or Van Hunt).

His new CD Love for Sale is the best album you don’t have in your collection and will be an early contender for my Album of the Year if it is ever released. If you are wondering how I got my hands on a copy, well . . . um . . . that’s really not important. What is important is that you need this CD in your life.

He starts the disc off with “Somethin’ to Hold Onto,” a synthesizer-driven track that has him spittin’ honey-covered lines to the object of his desire. You can almost see him in the club, drink in hand, woman against the wall, whispering routines that sound like they came straight from The Game (the book, not the rapper). The next song “You’re All I Need,” which is my favorite, has some of the best production I have heard this side of Timbaland & Pharrell. The bass thumps hard, but doesn’t overpower the Sci-fi driven chords, nor the off-key piano playing. Yes, I said “off-key piano playing,” but somehow it all just blends into one of the most melodious harmonies, I have ever heard. Yet, it is still hard enough that you could listen to it with your boys in the ride and not feel all “brokeback” about it (not that there’s anything wrong with that). “Make Me Over” is another song that you wouldn’t expect to hear from a modern artist, especially one that is not from the South. If you close your eyes while listening you will swear that you are in a Mississippi blues jook joint. You can see it sitting back from the dusty Delta road complete with the creaky wood floors, the smell of fried catfish hovering in your nostrils, while you’re sippin’ on some fine Tennessee bourbon. One of the final songs on the album “White Turns to Gray” is guaranteed to be this year’s baby-maker. Legions of single guys will have this on mix CDs and their Ipod playlists, as they attempt to seduce women from coast to coast. It has one of those rhythm beats (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, then I’m not gonna tell you) and equally salacious lyrics to set your night off right.

As of this posting, the album has been shelved indefinitely by his record company. It would be a shame if it never reaches the general public, because it is definitely what is desperately needed on radio right now.

Update 8/7/06: If you would like to check out some of the cuts from the new album, check out Bilal's MySpace page here.

The Guys' Edition

What up FAM, What up Folk? It’s ya boy and I’m out here on my keypad trying to hustle like Rick Ross. Big thanks to all that commented on the White Girl Edition Part I, even to the anonymous one who said the whole discussion is “getting tired”. I’m working on Part II and will send it out as soon as I finish, but thought I’d keep the party going with a new edition this week….

I know its been awhile and I don’t really know where to begin b/c there is so much going on in the world. From Hezbollah to North Korea, the world is being put on blast….no pun intended. Before I dive into the edition, I’d like to offer a few opinions on the world today….

1. Suicide bombers are undefeated. I used to always say the bus was undefeated, but I unfortunately have to change that opinion now that buses are getting ripped apart via bombs. 2. Ranked second to Suicide bombers is concrete. Ben Rothliesberger should have learned this as a child.
3. How can folks be mad when George W thinks and acts like the majority of folks in this country?
4. Oprah would be a FOOL if she were indeed in the closet and actually announced it…I don’t believe this by the way and wish the madness would stop.
5. Diversify your bonds.
6. Barry should have pleaded the “fif”.

So I was speaking with the “Girlie” a couple of months ago and she asked me a question that just threw me off and that was if I had watched the “Oprah Winfrey Legends Ball”. Let me preface this by saying that my Girlie loves Oprah, to a point where her DVR is permanently at 60% used b/c she records each and every show…Let me also add that I gladly purchased the 20th anneversary DVD for her too. Anyway, I’m sure many of you watched the show and I’m sure it was just an exhilirating experience, BUT…was this something that a guy would really want to watch? I mean this all started b/c Oprah didn’t invite Cicely Tyson to her birthday party, yet received a gift from her. No time to give all the details, but believe me that’s what happened.

Yes, I must admit I didn’t watch it and honestly I am not too saddened that I voluntarily watched the Mavs and Spurs game. I mean I am not a big fan of Oprah (the show….apparently, the rappers do to….i may speak on this later) or the NBA. I’m just not. Nothing against her…it’s not like I watch Martha Stewart, which would be just plain “suspect”. I don’t watch her show, so why would I want to watch her Legend’s Ball? Yes, “HER” Legends Ball. Did she do anything different than honor folks who have been honored before? I mean we got the Kennedy Center Awards and Image Awards, but those didn’t get the hype like the Legends Ball. Anyway, I’m sure it was great to have Alicia Keys, Mary J, and Janet all together for some event where they dress up and receive expensive gifts, but doesn’t this happen at the Osars, Grammy’s, and MTV Award’s as well? Oh, I forgot, this included Maya Angelou and it was Oprah Winfrey’s show, so it was a bit more serious. …Yeah right! Yes it honored Rosa Parks and Coretta Scott King, but I’m sorry, it’s not a reason for me to watch…it’s just not…especially when it’s going up against a good basketball game.

Real quick, I think all those who do “hate” against Oprah are idiots and we know a couple of them. Before someone says that I hate against her, I don’t….I have opinions about certain shows and her show period, but that is nothing against a woman who has made that paper and has shared the wealth with many…..even if she hasn’t a cut FAM a $25MM check like she did for Morehouse, I do respect her hustle and would love for my daughter (that was a slip)…..I mean future daughter to grow up an emulate her…..excluding the whole crack thing of course.

All I’m saying is that I’m a guy and guys (I think I speak for many b/c they are so whupped and can’t publicly say things…me included by the way…just kidding babe) didn’t want or care to watch this show. I know I am preaching what many SHOULD already know, but there comes a time where a refresher course is necessary. Today’s edition is truly, the Guy’s edition and should be required reading for all the Ladies. So without furhter ado, let’s begin with Guys 101….

1. All Guys are created equal. The ones who care less about sports, chicks, cars, and money, are not Guys, they are anatomically men, but definitely not GUYs.
2. Your Guy (or Man) differs from another guy only in the level he cares about you and the other things listed above. Remember at the end of the day you have a Guy or hope you have one.
3. A Guy would NEVER gladly watch a TV show consisting a bunch of women where there isn’t (a) sex (b) some thought there could be sex, (c) a dime or something close to it, or (d) a chance they would piss their girlfriend off and therefore miss out on some sex. I’m trying to cover everthing I can to get away with watching Desparate Houswives and Sex in the City back in the day. Note this is perhaps my last season of Housewives, b/c it has become too much of a chick flick.with every male on the show either being a murderer, cheater, or just plain gay. If your man “loves” the view and actually has it for save series in the DVR, you should be extremely worried. By the way, many folks were calling Star Jones’ boo suspect out the gate and word on the street is that he’s looking for an out…Sound familiar?
4. A Guy will always feel a little bit weird going into a Victoria Secret store, even though it is always chock full of women. I can’t really explain this one, other than that I am just a Guy. It’s the same feeling a Guy gets when his girl offers to get his nails done…I just can’t explain it. Now getting my feet scrubbed is a whole other ball game.
5. Speaking of shopping, a Guy will always suddenly feel tired when he goes to the mall with a girl, hence the man chair being in every store. Ladies, it’s not intentional, it’s honestly a natural thing that if we could, we’d fix it.
6. A Guy really hates going into a shoe store with you. The reason is that you go to shop and he goes to buy. Think about it ladies.
7. If a guy knows he’s not going to get “some”, lingerie is so necessary. If he knows he’s about to get some, lingerie is sooo secondary.
8. A Guy really does look at your mother and wonders if you will look like her in 20-30 years.
9. After looking at your mother, a Guy will look at his father and think maybe she’s thinking the same thing, so he looks at it as a wash, b/c if it wasn’t some of you would probably still be single!
10. A young guy really hates that visit from Aunt Flow every month. An older guy really appreciates that visit from Aunt Flow and really wishes he could make her visit as quick, but enjoyable as possible.
11. Guys think you look really good when you are working out at the gym.
12. A Guy can at least max 135lbs on the bench press.
13. Guys really hate it when you take the first available bench press and use it for doing sit-ups. 14. Guys really hate the butt hiding sweaters! I mean, whom do you ladies think you’re fooling?
15. A Guy has a passion for at leat ONE sport.
16. Most Guys would never knowlingly sleep with their best friend’s girl. I call this the Barry Bonds rule…only Guys will get the link.
17. All Guys “check-out” their best friend’s girl.
18. All Guys check out all girls.
19. Guys who have baby sisters are always cognizant of that fact when it comes to their boy’s sister. 20. Guys who have older sisters, really can care less……”man did you see those girls in that black car with Denver tags”…..sorry that was an inside joke for two of my boys (one of which resides in chicago and has an older sister).
21. A Guy loves feeling the love from you. If a Guy doesn’t, he wants the love from someone else, PERIOD!
22. A Guy will in his lifetime wash all of his clothes (whites and colors together) on the permanent press cycle….thinking this some how that it saves a load and magically prevents colors from bleeding onto the whites.
23. A Guy will always freak-out, just like you, if there is some abrupt change without warning…like cutting your hair short.
24. A Guy would eventually get annoyed if you continuously scream when watching a scary movie.
25. A Guy will never intenionally sit Guy, Guy, Girl. We’d much rather sit Guy, Girl, Guy…unless of course the girl is 5 or below or the other Guy in question is someone he knows very well.
26. A Guy will always look at your breast if they are nice and out for the entire world to see. The nerve of some of you who get upset that a Guy looked at your breasts. In this day and age of brothas who want to “pitch and catch” with only brothas, the ladies out there should be happy that there are still “Guys” out there who don’t want to do nothing (double negative I know) but pitch to a catcher that doesn’t wear a cup…”laugh now or figure that out when you get home.
27. If there was a way to break-up with some of you, without having to worry about the car getting keyed, windows getting busted, or the inevitble “boo-hoo” pity party, some of you would be sooooo single right now!!!! Now that you know this take being dumped on a dime like a good sport.
28. Unless it has been discussed in detail before hand, a guy will walk if you give it up and then all of a sudden say no more until marriage. What kind of b.s. is that? Not only is it just wrong, but I’ll venture to say straight up cocky! Yeah I said it and there is only two things those offended can do about it…. Like it or love it.
29. If you break a guys heart, he’ll NEVER forget about it.
30. You may be like a sister or the closest to that, but rest assured your friend that’s a GUY has at least once, thought about “knocking your back out”.
31. Let me refrase #30….if you are anywhere near cute, a Guy has already thought about “knocking your back out”.
32. If you buy a guy a nice bbq grill for Christmas or surpise him on his b-day with his CREW of friends, he’ll love you forever…. Sorry guys that was for my sweetie…. ;=)
33. If there is a bathroom with one toilet and one sink, a guy will wait until the guy using it is out.
34. A guy would never let another man do anything with or for his girl that he doesn’t already do…including but not limited to, massages, stretching, opening doors, kisses on the cheek…etc.
35. A guy really doesn’t care to comment on the attractiveness of another man…so DON’T even ask us.
36. A Guy would never agree that Jay Z and Beyonce make a good couple.
37. A Guy’s girlfriend should never, ever, ever, have a television that is bigger than his.
38. A Guy may say they would die for you, but Really…come on now, who are we kidding. I’ll definitely give a kidney or something, but to die for is rather harsh.
39. A Guy can sit in the bathroom for hours after a good burrito bowl from Chipotle with the latest ESPN Page 2 articles by Bill Simmons and Scoop Jackson and simply love it.