TDRS:The Unwritten Rules Edition

What up FAM? What Up Folk? What up Cuz Cuz? Once again it’s Ya Boy and I am coming at you this week with some of that A-town stomp ish. I have to give credit for the following edition to my boy Haas G Tate. Haas G is the first of my true homies to voluntarily commit to the same woman, as Mac 10 would say “Fo-Life”. Now before I get the calls and emails, there is nothing wrong with going down “Fo-Life”; I am an advocate of that. However, I believe that with any relationship one should take the time to do their research/homework before making that decision. For years, TDRS has talked about winning the game and full disclosure and I bet some you don’t think that this philosophy is also applicable to committed relationships. You can believe what you want, but today in true hollaatyaboys fashion, TDRS will be discussing the unwritten rules of relationships today. Before you ask, these are the rules that I have learned over many years of dating and relationships. Women are the authority, they legislate these “rules”, so any disagreements should be directed towards them or their speaker of the house….”Oprah”. Ha! This edition will broadly cover a variety of subjects, so forgive me for the limited content. Also, this is more for the fellas, but I am sure the ladies will read this edition with sincere interest.

Before we get to the rules let’s hit the usual topics this week.

Who Embarrassed the Race this week?

Micheal Irvin
· A “pipe”was found in Mr. Irvin’s car. Surprise, Surprise eh? I guess Mike was speeding to catch that five-o-clock free crack giveaway!

Mrs. Kirk Franklin
· On Oprah, Mrs. Franklin decided to give viewers a sneak peak into the freaky world of the Franklin’s. Mrs. Franklin basically said she tried such things as the “dress up stuff”. Dress up stuff? I’m sorry but she “aint gotta lie Craig”! Quietly, we know that Mrs. Franklin was doing a lot more freaky stuff if her hubby was digging in the trash to find discarded porn flicks.

THE RULES
…Given that we are in the season, I thought I would start off with the Holiday Rules.

The Holidays:

Rule #1-New Years is NOT a negotiable holiday! I have learned over the years that this day is special for a number of reasons but not for what the average guy thinks. New Years is not about the kiss at midnight, it’s not even about starting the year with the guy they love. New Years is all about that REALLY nice dress that they get to wear, PERIOD!! And don’t forget, you must take her to some place where she can wear that REALLY nice dress, so dinner at Applebees isn’t going to cut it.

Rule #2-Thanksgiving is officially the “I know he really likes me day”. Fellas, let me go on record and say that meeting the parents is always a “big thing”, but meeting the Family on the biggest family holiday of the year is even bigger. Yeah Christmas is cool, but it’s nothing like Thanksgiving because everyone from the 88-year old alcoholic grandmother (my girlie didn’t meet her this year) to the crown-royale drinking dad will meet her and if that’s not a message, I don’t know what is.

Rule #3-Don’t take her Christmas spirit lightly! Women are natural born givers and if you find yourself dissapointed on the 25th there is no one to blame but yourself. The fellas used to always wonder why I received such good gifts in the past and I would answer with the patented “they got my best 30 seconds”, which is true, but there is much more to that. I can’t wait for the emails on this one. I truly believe that if you spoil them and not necessarily with gifts (although they do help), you will also be spoiled two-fold.

The other but equally important Days:

Valentines Day:
Rule #4-Valentines Day is NOT THE end all, be all female day. Those laides that look forward to this day are usually the one’s who get NO love during the year and the 14th is all they have. Think about it. If you send her flowers at the office 2-3 times a year, then what’s so great about getting flowers on the 14th of February? My friend Steph T once told me that a man is in total control of how much they get whether that be sex, gifts, drama, etc and I’ve got to say she is right. Fellas keep her happy all year long and she may even get to the point of treating the 14th of February like the 15th of February, totally insignificant.

Rule #5-Do Not start dating seriously until after the 14th! Valentines day is like “play action” in the NFL. Before you know it, one of the chicks in your rotation will try to tie you down for a harmless date on 14th, which is equivalent to the simple running play in the NFL. You, however, think it’s harmless until that same chick, fakes the simple handoff and throws the ball downfield by saying something like “I thought we were more serious, we went out on on Valentines Day”! Fellas, if you don’t want to deal with the drama, wait to play the game until the spring when you can scoop up a number of scorned Valentine’s Day chicks.

Birthdays:
Rule #6-Your B-day is VERY important to her. It’s taken me a few years to figure this out but it is so true. It really didn’t hit me until a few years ago when I had a pretty good rotation of ladies and one of them asked two months before my b-day (Oct 7th btw) what my plans were. I, being somewhat wise answered, “I don’t know, my boys usually end up doing something”. Unfortunately, that was the wrong answer and she internalized that as me putting my boys first. Honestly, I didn’t want to commit to her when I had a few starters coming off bench, but oh well, when you’re single it’s always bro’s before ho’s, I guess. Anyway, your B-day is their day, so let them be in charge and heaven forbid don’t diss them for the boys. You’ll pay dearly in opportunity costs in the sense that by going out with the boys, you lose the opportunity for surprise–b day parties, a lil somethin somethin, food, nice gifts, etc.

RULE #7-Her B-day is all about what she wants! Christmas and V-Day are your time to get those gifts she least expected. Her B-Day should be entitled “Spoil Me” day and that’s the truth. Fellas don’t screw up and forget this day because that is almost blasphemous. Even more so detrimental would be giving her some “jacked” up gift. Jacked up gifts don’t necessarily mean things that a cheap. Jacked gifts include the most simple and non-thoughtful things. My advice is to really go all out and get her what she wants and not what you think will make her happy. On her B-day, the “thought” doesn’t count, the carart, clarity, cut, and color do. I aint saying go out and buy diamonds, I am just saying if you’re going to spoil her do it on her B-Day.

Other Unwritten Miscellaneous rules I’ve learned over the years!

RULE #8-She always likes your homeboy that is in a committed relationship more than the single one.

RULE #9-You can never go wrong shopping for her at Victoria Secret…Better yet, I guess you can never go wrong shopping for her period.

RULE #10-Guys always sleep on the side of the bed closest to the door.

RULE #11-It’s okay for them to have an Essence Magazine with the new favorite brotha of the month on the front.

RULE #12-It’s not okay for us to have a King Magazine with Maya on the front.

RULE #13-If you really want to see her, you have to actually SAY it. Never assume she knows you want to.

RULE #14-When acknowledging the attractiveness of another female…Actually there is no such thing. Dumb Move, No Win…so don’t do it.

RULE #15-A jealous man is possessive.

RULE #16-A jealous woman is in-love.

RULE #17-It’s not a good idea to pack condoms when your signficant other isn’t going on the trip. I am going to forever name this, the “Stash” rule.

RULE#18-Guys are ALWAYS in the wrong for leaving the toilet seat up.

RULE#19-Ladies are NEVER in the wrong for leaving the toilet seat down.

RULE#20-Ladies REALLY look forward to taking care of a brotha when he’s sick.

RULE#21-If she tells you that she loves you first, then you don’t have to say it back until you’re ready.

RULE#22-Don’t say those “three” words unless you mean it!

RULE #23-All plutonic, female friends must be mentioned and preferbly introduced prior to the consumation of the relationship.

RULE #24-If she can cook your mother will love her.

Rule #25-If by some grace of God, luck, or just pure skill, you score a dime-piece don’t screw it up!


HollaAtYaBoy!