The Air Up Here, Vol. II - Madd Issues Edition

To the millions and millions of adoring fans,

I know fo' sho' that I'm going to have to stop with that intro, because by the time that y'all finish reading this piece the only people that will still be talking to me are mys sister and brother (and that's only because Mom would lay the smack down on them if they didn't, since they are my siblings and all). Anyway, I had grand plans of writing a deeply introspective piece about my impending 25th birthday (this actually was not going to be a plug for it, but by the way it's on 9/22/02 in case you want to send money). I was going to write about the life changes that I have been going through and the hopes, dreams, fears, and trepidations that I have been experiencing. The whole what do I want to do with my life? Where do I want to live? Who do I want to share it with? You know thoughts of having a family of my own. However life has a funny way of interfering with even the best laid plans of mice and men (shout out to John Steinbeck). Yep, life has a funny way of imposing its will on us all and thus even changing the topic of this column. So since I had such a spirited response the last time, and I know you all have been waiting for me to write more; I present to you the all relationship edition. Ladies and Gentlemen, let the hate mail begin to fill up my inbox.


My high school history/philosophy teacher Mr. G., who bore an uncanny resemblance to an infamous former Stanford professor (think: hooded man on Time magazine cover) was always giving us advice on life in some form or another. Being once divorced and remarried he said that getting married because you love someone is greatly overrated. He was like, love clouds your mind and makes your thoughts all random. Basically he said, "Love Makes You Stupid." He said the next time he got married he was marrying for money. Hey, at least that is practical. Of course, he was being facetious in his comments, but that line about love dropping your SAT scores stayed with me. So with that preface here are a few more unsolicited comments that I have for everyone in relationships, pursuing relationships, and even those jaded individuals like myself who as the title of this letter says have . . . Well, you can read the title yourself.


1. Must Be The Money. That famous R&B superstar and former Florida State defense back Deion Sanders made a song during the mid-90's that uttered those words. "Must be the money/that's turning them on/must be the money/you know I can't go wrong." So my question to you all is "What significance does money play in having a good relationship?" Could you be happy with some that is financially challenged with a good heart or in the words of Morris Day, are you looking for "Donald Trump black version"? I'll just put that question out there and write my opinion at a later date.

2. Ask Questions. This is one that I have gotten in trouble for over and over again. Anyone who has spent any extended amount of time with me knows that I live by the mantra "Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to." I have a tendency to take this statement one step further and I do not ask questions unless I have a decent idea of the answer that is going to come out of the mouth of whomever I am talking to. I don't know, maybe I watched one too many episodes of "Perry Mason" and "L.A. Law" growing up. However, I've come to the realization that there might be a slight flaw in my logic. Yes, even AIR can be mistaken once. While this philosophy might be perfect for negotiating a business deal or cross-examining a witness, it's not all that great when you are trying to get to know someone on a personal level. First, in a court of law there are rules that govern the free exchange of information between parties. Each side is mandated to turn over information/evidence that might be pertinent to the case. Therefore it is easy to assume that you would be intimately familiar with the other side. However, to get the same amount of information from someone you are trying to date you might have to run extensive background checks by hiring a professional or asking friends of that person about them. In doing so you run the risk of alienating that individual and drawing their ire. Most people would rather you just come to straight to them. Second, by not asking questions you run the risk of creating your own little fantasy world based on hearsay, assumptions, and delusions rather than on fact. Therefore, when like The Roots last album, "things fall apart" you are left to ponder "What the f^%k just happened!" Third and finally, if you knew what someone was going to say before they said it life would just be boring. What would be the use of getting to know someone in the first place? It's just a thought.

3. Brothers Got Gifts. Since I am like the mayor of The Friend Zone, I hear women saying all the time that their man isn't sensitive to their needs, he doesn't show any emotion/puts up facade, or he hasn't done anything nice/sweet/thoughtful (fill in the blank) for me lately. Unbeknownst to you all is the fact that nothing (except maybe kickin back with his boys on Sunday watching football while drinking a brew) makes a guy happier than seeing his woman happy. Like the title of that popular book, which I will get around to reading one of these days states, men actually do cry in the dark whether they admit it or not. By cry, I'm not talking about literally boo-hooing (although I've seen some of you guys do it, but I'm not going to put you on Front Street right now). What I mean is that guys actually will with their close associates sit around and discuss relationships. Most even have their own networks in which they exchange ideas on how to surprise the women in their lives. However, my lady friends, many times you don't see the fruition of their plans; because like guys have the tendency to do, you too find ways to "F" it up. Case #1. For no particular reason your man ask you get dressed up on a Tuesday night. And you think, "Nothing is poppin' off around the city on Tuesday. Plus, if we go out I'll miss the season premiere of 'Frasier,' I gotta have my must see TV." So you tell him why doesn't he just come over and order a pizza. Little did you know that your man has called in all types of personal favors and gotten you all the best table at Le Circe. Your man is madd salty because he now owes personal favors to his boy who knows somebody, who knows somebody, who knows somebody, who knows the head waiter at Le Circe. So he retreats into typical guy mode and says that's the last time I go out my way to do something nice for her. Case #2. You can feel free to steal this if you like. It's a little harder to pull off now in the days of tighter airport security. However, depending upon the layout of the airport (ones in which the person picking you up can get as close as possible to the arrivals terminal work the best) and with a little planning it can work for you. Like my negotiation's trainer always said, "this is being offered to you, as a bonus, free of charge for just showing up today." I guess in your case it's being offered for taking the time to wade through this incredibly long email. Anyway, let's say that your guy is coming back from a trip and has asked you to pick him up at the airport. Because you are his angel and his best friend, he has bought you two dozen roses. He solicited twelve friendly passengers around him to each take a rose. He then went through the trouble of describing his "sunshine" to them and asking them if they would give her the rose while they are on their way to baggage claim. Had the other passengers been a little resistant he was prepared to tell them that he was going to propose [Note To The Guys: use only as a last resort. It shouldn't be that hard to find twelve people to help you out, but if you can't you should cut your number to six. You tell them you are going to propose and they might want to stick around to watch, that would be a bad thing]. Moving on, so ladies here you are waiting at the baggage claim in anticipation because all these wonderful strangers have been giving you roses when your man finally shows up with the second dozen. You think that life can be beautiful sometimes and then you all depart together. You like that don't you? I painted that picture so perfect you can hang it up in your room. That is how it would have gone had your man actually gone through with his plan. See, he remembered that the last time that you picked him up that you were in a foul mood. You didn't want to come all the way the gate. Why did you have to come to baggage claim? Why couldn't he just call you on the cell when he stepped outside? Yep, another sparkling example of your guy's creativity down the drain, because he had those flashbacks and was like, "nah baby, I'm not gonna be able to it." Once again this is just my take because I know in the end you all going to DO WHAT YOU DO.


CD REVIEWS
1. The Fix by Scarface. The raps on this album are so addictive that the liner notes are literally packaged in a nickel bag. Mr. Brad Jordan comes back with what is probably his best album since Mr. Scarface Back. Who else but the Face Mob could get Jay Z and Nas to appear on the same album. Face brings a little something for everyone with radio friendly "My Block" and "Guess Who's Back." He delivers that traditionally southern pimp groove on "The Fix," throws in something for the ladies on "Heaven," and even does a ghetto hymn with "Someday." I'm sure my Deep South (TX, LA, AR, MS, TN, AL) crowd already has this album, so I'm talking to the rest of y'all. If you were nodding your head with that old Geto Boys "My Mind Playin' Tricks On Me" then you will want this album.

2. In Search Of . . . by N.E.R.D. For all of you all expecting the typical Neptune's fare that they have produced for Britney Spears, Jay Z, The Clipse and every other artists on popular radio today; I can say that this album is not for you. If you want their tried and true rip-off of Vanity's "Nasty Girl" beat, I repeat, this album is not for you. However if you are looking for some futuristic George Clinton meets Outkast in a British 60's spy movie type stuff, then run to store and cop this one right now. It's kind of hard to describe the album. You don't listen to it, you just experience it. Although many of the songs deal with drug use, they never glorify it. "Bobby James" tells of a troubled teen that starts using to deal with social problems. He, however, encounters even more perils as he begins the downward spiral deeper and deeper into addiction. “Lap Dance” is another standout song on the album. It compares our government officials to the dancers at your local strip club. Basically it states that if you wave enough money or wield enough influence you too can get your politicians to give you a lap dance in the form of political favors. As I said, the album just has to be experienced. It does have more of a rock edge to it, so if that's your cup of tea pick it up today.


BOOK REVIEW
1. A Do Right Man by Omar Tyree. I have to thank Lorieal for recommending two years ago that I read this book. All you have to do is change the protagonist's name, which is Bobby Dallas to AIR, and you have the story of my life up to the mid-20's. This story captures what it's like to be a young, southern, single male in that transition phase from college to career. It also deals with many of the issues I raised back in the "I Got Beef" edition right after Easter, so I won't bring those up here. Anyway, I'm not going to tell anything about this book, except for the fact that I read it in two days, I've read it three times, I got the author to sign my copy, and I went out and bought two more of his books based upon how much I liked this one. So go get it, read it, and then call me up so we can discuss it.


SHOUT OUTS
This issue marks the one year anniversary since I retired The Life & Times . . . and switched to the new format. So much has transpired during what seems to be such a short amount of time, unfortunately not all good. So here is a shout out to some of the events changed our lives and some of the people that we've lost along the way.

1. Aaliyah, a bright star that went supernova way too soon. She accomplished more in three albums than some artists do over their entire careers. I still get chills when I listen to "It's Whatever."

2. Let's not forget about Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes who was the driving force behind many on TLC's hits in the 90's. Once the poster child for impetuousness, she had matured into someone deeply concerned about humanitarian issues.

3. Let's remember Dave Thomas. Yes, the founder of Wendy's, who practically allowed all college students to have a good meal with the 99-cent menu. More than being just a successful business man, Dave's foundation helped to raise awareness for the 134,000 foster children available for adoption and helped to make adoption more affordable.

4. One time for Tupac Shakur. It doesn't seem like it's been six years since I was out on The Set back at FAMU and word quickly spread that he was gone. I know some people viewed him as a low-life thug. Others called him a ghetto prophet, the voice in the wilderness that would raise up the hip hop generation. His music was similar to the drink "thug passion" he talked about in his songs. Kind of like one part street fantasy mixed with one part political prose, however it was told with so much conviction that it touched the hearts of everyone from the inner city to the burbs. Believe it or not it almost felt like I lost a friend that night. So next Friday after work, I'll probably get my car detailed. Then I'll roll down the windows, open the sunroof, pop in that All Eyez on Me (Disc 2), put it on track #7, and ride one time for my fallen friend.

5. I can't forget about Justin Wilson. For all of us that grew up in Mississippi, Louisiana, Alabama, and probably Arkansas and Tennessee, we can remember his cooking shows coming on every Saturday morning. The humorous Cajun chef known for measuring all ingredients in his hands, putting cayenne pepper in everything that he cooked, and of course his trademark saying, "I gare-rohn-tee!" will be greatly missed.

6. Words cannot express what happened that day last September. A nation that was virgin to the threat on violence perpetrated by a foreign power upon its shores was suddenly violated. I can't express the lose, the grief, the agony, the suffering. But like the mystical phoenix arising from its own ashes, the country came back stronger, more resolved, more united . . . let's not lose that spirit. However, while protecting our own interest, let us not turn a blind eye nor deaf ear to plight of others across the globe. Do not let fear cloud our minds with strictly parochial views and xenophobic ideals.


I would like to thank everyone that gave me feedback on the last column. Personally I thought it was not one of my better efforts, but it seemed to help or at least entertain some of you. Your feedback not only helps me to write better columns, but also to become a better person. Okay, let me qualify that. At least it helps me see a different perspective whether I choose to agree with it or not is a whole other story. I hope this finds you in great spirits and I look forward to seeing some of you in Nashville for the MBA conference and others in the "A" for the Classic. Until next time, much love, take care, and God Bless.


--AIR © 2002


p.s. I am currently working on my manuscript tentatively titled "YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT." It will feature even more of totally unsolicited opinions, commentary, and poetry (yeah, I do that too). Additionally I'm also working on a slightly semi-autobiographical work which I will probably have to turn into a fictional book, because I do at least want my brother and sister to keep talking to me.

The Air Up Here, Vol. II - "Welcome Back" Edition

To the millions and millions of my adoring fans,

Welcome back to yet more unsolicited opinions and commentary from the man you love so much. I know it's been a while, but life has conspired to keep me out of the public eye for the past few months. For those of you all who don't know your favorite friend, brother, cousin (just fill in the blank) is now living in Atlanta. I am once again making that legal drug money pushing product for Glaxo Smith Kline. As always, I extend an open invitation for anyone that is falling through the "A" to look me up. With that background info out of the way let's begin.


1. All You Can Eat. Women, are your behinds expanding faster than the rate of inflation in some third world nations? Fellas, do young children take one look at your stomach and say things like "I didn't know men could have babies?" If any of the afore mentioned statements apply to you take heart, for as Michael Jackson would say, "You are not alone." I will use myself as a prime example of how you can easily get sucked into the fat trap and not know it. Two years ago when I graced the Big Apple with my presence, I did what everyone does when they get to New York. SHOP, SHOP, and SHOP some more. At the time going out and buying a closet full of custom-made clothes seemed to make sense because I had been the same height since high school and about the same weight since my 2nd year of college. Well right now as I am a full 20 pounds over the weight that I had been able to maintain for four years, I noticed where I went wrong. First, I started hanging out at the club and afterwards just like the video says doing that "4 A.M. at the Waffle House." With my job as a pharm rep I ride around in a car for the majority of the day and I am constantly eating lunch with clients. Believe it or not driving does make one tired, so I normally come home and just crash in front of the TV. This combined with not exercising leaves me with a closet full of "tight" clothes, both figuratively and literally. An article in the July/August 2002 issue of Men's Health magazine examines the fast food industry and its contribution to obesity, which is America's biggest health problem. According to the surgeon general 300,000 Americans die prematurely because of their weight and the economic burden to the health system is $100 BILLION (that's right BILLION, too bad I can't synthesize Dr. Evil's voice right there to say that statistic). This collectively represents a bigger economic toll than that caused by tobacco and alcohol combined. I might have to stop cracking jokes about my friends that work at Phillip Morris. Of course, one might say that it is up to individuals to take pride in themselves and get concerned about their health. You would be right in this assumption, because anyone that has hung around me has probably heard me say, "Put the Twinkie down and slowly back away from the table." However, a number of factors contribute to America's new epidemic. Oddly enough the biggest one is the fact that as a whole we are so prosperous. This prosperity as a nation has spawned a host of modern conveniences like escalators (what, you can't walk up one flight of stairs), riding lawn mowers (the original range rovers), and elevators (me and you, your mama and your cousin too, riding' down the strip on vogues . . . excuse me I got off on a tangent there). The article examines the potential health hazards of being overweight, which can lead to high blood pressure, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, stroke, premature death, and something that no guy out there wants to hear . . . impotence. Unfortunately, once you have one of these conditions your chances of getting the others increases astronomically. My specialty on my last internship was in the CV/Diabetes group, so I intimately know how devastating and detrimental these conditions can be. Ideas that are being tossed around to alleviate America's obesity problem are:

a. Creating a "Fat Tax." This would be a surcharge on unhealthy foods (like candy bars, fast food, etc) that would be used to subsidize the price of healthy foods. This seems to make sense because healthy/organic foods tend be more expensive, while you can get that supersized fatburger, greasy fries, and cola for under five bucks. The problem is how would foods be determined as "healthy" or "unhealthy" and who gets to make that decision.

b. Suing the fast food companies in a class action suit similar to ones that were brought against the big tobacco companies.

c. Charging obese people more to acquire health insurance. I won't even get into the list of legal and ethical challenges that would come from this suggestion.

Anyway, the article is great read that will definitely have you thinking more about your health. If you can't find the issue in stores then check out www.menshealth.com.


2. That Time Of Year. You all know that your hero (that's me) hits the big Two Five on the 22nd of next month. There really was absolutely no need for me to even mention that my birthday is September 22, because you all know that September 22 is the AIR National Holiday. When you think September 22nd, you automatically think AIR's birthday. I mean the first day of Fall and AIR just go hand-in-hand, so I can forego the usual shameless plug that I do for my birthday every year.


3. The Power of the Accidental Friendship. I have always had a grasp on the power of family. Furthermore, I have a rather close knit crew that I would "ride, cry, and die" for (okay, maybe just the first two). I'm sure everyone has a similar group of people around them that are there come what may. These are the relationships that you have cultivated, that you have nurtured and cherished for many years so you know the power that is intrinsic in them. However, I am just starting to learn about the power that is possessed in the accidental friendship. Please excuse me if I am sounding like one of Tony Robbins "Personal Power" infomercials that come on late at night. I guess I never quite knew how quickly and easily you can make friends and, conversely, how quickly that bond can be broken. A of mine friend in the "Chi" wrote in her last piece, "It's interesting how a declaration of friendship, and by that I mean verbally, how much is unleashed." It's true. You never know how one shared incident no matter how pedestrian it may seem at the time can change a person's life and open them and you up for a connection you never thought you would have. How a conversation at the bar, a few kind words while just lounging in a lobby, walking down the street, or eating lunch together can dramatically impact someone's life. I'm not going into details, but for the group that kicked it with me at Johnny Rockets, to my homie with pinky ring, and to my associate that lives to antagonize me (but I wouldn't have it any other way); I am saying THANK YOU. You don't know what just being there meant to me.


ENTERTAINMENT OBSERVATIONS
1. Ja Rule. I have reached Ja Rule overload. Every time I listen to radio or turn on my TV I see this pint-sized fool dancing around singing "It's Murdaaaaa", "Holla, Holla", or my personal favorite "Only for the Rule babyyyyyyy!!!!!!" I'm not saying the guy doesn't have talent because if you check the liner notes for any Murder Inc album he's written the majority of the songs. I even liked a few of his joints like "I Cry" and "Down 4 U", but enough is enough. I hate hearing the same ten songs rotated on every single radio station. However, maybe I shouldn't blame Ja Rule for taking advantage of a good situation, maybe I should look at the real culprits which are media conglomerates like Clear Channel Communications that own over 1,000 radio stations and are responsible for the same mundane stuff we hear everyday.


2. Res. I talked about how good Res' "How I Do" CD was in my last issue. Well thanks to Coca Cola, I was able to check out Res in concert in Centennial Park for FREE. Okay well it wasn't quite free if you count the $10 I had to pay for parking, but close enough. She had her full band with her complete with the Acolea look-alike. She performed about 8 songs off of her album and I have to admit that she sounded better live than on her CD. I was blown away by her melodic tone not to mention her stellar looks. She ended the set with a remix of AC/DC's "Back in Black" which just had the crowd begging for more when she left the stage. So if you still haven't gotten the CD, go and cop that immediately and if you get the chance to see her live pay the cash. I promise you won't be disappointed.


3. My Favorite Songs. These are the songs that have my head nodding right now. All of these would be part of my personal collection right except for the fact that Napster been gone for over a year (damn those record execs). I am feeling that "Dilemma" joint with Nelly and Kelly. It touches on a subject that many people go through. We all have probably been infatuated with someone that was with someone else at one time. The best part about the song is that it samples the Patti LaBelle classic "Love, Need and Want You." My other favorite song on the radio is Slum Village's "Tainted", which features Dwele. The song basically breaks down the difference between Real Love and Tainted Love. Not just love between two people, but love for what is important in life or what is integral to your moral fiber and well being. Don't sell your soul for some wooden nickels. I'm feelin' that new Scarface "Guess Who's Back" and that Sean Paul "Gimme the Light." I also like John Mayer's "No Such Thing" and Creed's "One Last Breath." You should check them out; I think they're #2 and #3 on VH1's countdown.


4. Creflo Dollar. Creflo Dollar, has turned into the rap industry's favorite minister. Most of you probably remember seeing him in Ludacris and JD's "Welcome to Atlanta" video. Additionally, Pastor Troy (of "Ain't No Play in G.A." fame) gives a shout out to Creflo in his latest song. I guess this goes along with Trick Daddy's catch line of "God is for the thugs too."


CD REVIEWS
1. Mahogany Soul by Angie Stone. I do not know why I did not buy this CD when it first came out. I must be slippin' on my entertainment evaluation skills. A friend of mine had it while I was in training up in Philly and I think I swiped it from her for about three straight days. I immediately bought this album when I returned to Atlanta. This is a wonderful collection of very, very soulful and soothing music. The content touches on everything from relationships to women's issues. One of the standout cuts on the album is "Brotha", which is actually an ode to men (can you believe that, no male bashing). I also like "Snowflakes", "Makings of You", and "Wish I Didn't Miss You". My personal favorite is "Mad Issues". People have a tendency to get a little fortune, a little fame and then start acting brand new. It tells that we should all take the facade off and let the world see the real person that we are inside. If we were true to ourselves then our interactions with others would be greatly improved.


2. Loveland (Bootleg) by R. Kelly. I have been reluctant to write about the R. Kelly debacle, because it has been written and talked about so much already in the mainstream media and in the other newsletters put out by my crew (if you all are not on E. Fountain's, Ric Simon's or J. Jackson's email newsletter lists you don't know what you are missing out on). Anyway, I managed to get my hands on a bootlegged copy of R. Kelly's upcoming CD tentatively titled "Loveland." I have to tell you that it broke my heart to listen to it. To think that a man that has all this talent is just throwing it all away is just unfathomable. I know many of you didn't like R. Kelly before this incident because of his music's overtly sexual themes. I probably shouldn't have been listening to that stuff back in junior high when I first became a fan, but that's history now. Anyway for those of you who never liked his music, you would have liked this album; and for those you who were fans like me you would just shake your head that someone this gifted could be so tainted. The first time I heard a song off of "Loveland" I asked the guy that had it, "When did Stevie Wonder come out with a new song?" The guy told me it wasn't Stevie, it was R. Kelly. I was shocked to say the least. Anyway, the album consists of about 15 tracks of mostly ballads. The subject matter ranges from the religious to the secular. It has "The World's Greatest", a Marvin Gaye-sounding track called "Make Me", and "In the Name of Love" which is another 70's styled track that is actually played on the radio here in Atlanta. The opera-style remix version of "I Believe I Can Fly" is probably the standout cut on the album. It also probably best portrays whatever personal demons this cat is dealing with. As I stated earlier this is probably his best work to date and would have given him a wider audience. Even the more sensual material is dealt with in the smooth style that is reminiscent of what the 60's and 70's crooners used to do. It's nothing like that just "let me hit it" material that has dominated the airways from the early 90's till now. Oh well, if the guy is guilty and it certainly looks that way from everything that I can discern; I hope he gets the help that he needs and more importantly asks for forgiveness and finds some peace.


DVD REVIEW
1. The Last Dragon. Oh Yes! Bruce Leroy has finally come to DVD. I am probably showing my age again because I can remember going to see this movie in the theatre with my dad and my brother back in the day. The movie that spawned such classic lines like "Kiss my Converse", "Can you show me some moves", and "Who's the master? Shonuff!" has been digital remastered for optimum picture and sound quality. The movie is as good and as bad as I remember it. The acting is sub par, but who cares because the overall entertainment value of it more than makes up for it. The campy karate style, the hilarious 80's slang, and of course El Debarge's "Rhythm of the Night" song make this movie a cult classic. For all fans of the movie I would say run, don't walk, and buy it now because you will have fun reminiscing. For anyone else, I recommend that you rent it before making that purchasing decision.


There is so much more that want to say, but I'm going to cut this short because I don't want to get anyone fired from their job for reading email all day. When I brainstormed for this edition I came up with over 25 topics for discussion, but I put some of the lighter ones in here because I still have research to do on the others. I will be back very soon with my most personal and controversial issue to date. Until then take care, much love, and God Bless.

-AIR © 2002

p.s. If you didn't receive one of the past editions please let me know and I get it out to you forthwith.

The Rattlesnake's Bite: New Orleans Review (archived July 2002)

Hey Yo,After the annual trek to the NO, some memorable moments still persist. One being the number of white people who were there. Imagine all of the travel agents who were fired by Whitey because of this oversight. (We got there and there were all these, these...black people! What the hell did you send us into Bob!) Allow me to run through some others.

The Newness in Nigga-nessWithout question, Southwest is now officially known as Nigga Air. Firstly, the goddamn planes refuse to take off on time. Apparently, the time they give you for departure is just an estimate for the lazy, shiftless and lackadaisical (one time for Osiefield) ass pilots to get that hunk of tin moving. Additionally, Nigga Air's low rates seem to attract a wide variety of people, but mostly niggas who don't mind spending as much time in the airport during a delay as in the fucking air. This problem is greatly compounded when catching the outbound flight. See, whatever crowd you encounter on Nigga Air on the imbound, multiply that shit by about 20 to estimate the crowd on the outbound. I knew I was in trouble when the cab driver started laughing after I told him I was on Nigga Air (but I bet that sumbitch wouldn't laughing after I stiffed his ass on the tip. Hee hee, you fuck). There will be a line of niggas so long it'll make you think somebody's passing out Luckily, LL Cool J's big red kangaroo looking ass showed up and many-a-motherfucker was star-struck. Yeah, they were star-struck and I struck ahead of about 25 of their asses to barely make my flight.

Following that, an over-priced happy hour, lounge couches and fine bitches have anointed the W as the new Nigga Inn. You see what the W doesn't realize is that niggas will come and niggas will stay. Any exclusivity they thought they had is fucking gone now. By having such grand features as tiger stomach-tattooed chicks, Shakira look-a-likes, sexy Argentinean broads and waitresses with high-slit dresses, the W is now the spot. Having conquered his enigmatic situation with the bathroom door, I have already been assured by Mr. Jackson that we will be frequenting this fine establishment in the future.

Fine Dining:

The Black Man's ZagatMaxwell's Chicken & Waffles - This quaint establishment, located in walking distance of Nigga Inn, is no doubt a derivative of the more popular Roscoe's in California. However, make before patronizing Maxwell's, there are a few things to keep in mind. Firstly, be sure to arrive to this motherfucker well before you are hungry (about an hour or so in anticipation of your need for sustenance). Elsewise, you run the risk of being one pissed off sumbitch waiting to grub. This is in part due to the severe lack of fucking organization in this place as evidenced by such remarks as "Y'all are up next, baby" (repeatedly), "Has somebody helped y'all yet?" (despite one bitch already pouring water at the table) and "Do y'all even still want the chicken?" (Bitch, what? Are we still here?! Hell fucking yeah, we want the chicken!) By the way if you see some nigga moving a Moet bottle from out in front of the place and then you have to be seated by that same motherfucker...run like hell. Apparently, these jackasses send out to Roscoe's to get your food, which appears to be the cause of the delay. Secondly, be sure to arrive on an even-numbered day. You see, if you come in on the 13th or the 9th or something, you could find yourself with some mad ass taste buds, because Maxwell's is likely to not have any goddamn food at all. Warning signs include being served drummettes instead of chicken breasts (5 drummettes at a time for 3 niggas), the cook having his stankin' ass out sitting with patrons and a big-ass sign on the door that says "We're closed", even though the shit is supposed to be 24/7. Think I'm lying? Try it. Of course, there might be a problem 'cause if shit don't change and change real fucking fast, Maxwell's will be well out of business. If you are fortunate to get some chicken of the drummette variety, make sure to take only your fair share (Hey dog, you done had about 4 or 5 wings. I only got one off that first plate). Thirdly, be wary of what you see and don't get your hopes up. For instance, if you see 5 chicken breasts sitting in the kitchen, and you have 5 brothers in your party who ordered some chicken, don't get excited 'cause that shit might as well be there for decoration. It ain't coming your way no time soon. As a matter of fact, the goddamn server may try to give you an extra chicken breast to cover up the fact that she shorted you on a waffle. Don't worry, she'll just snatch that shit off somebody's table before they dig in, and slide that shit on over to you like ain't nothing wrong. Also, if you see a bunch of waitresses working (even if they outnumber the people in the restaurant), it doesn't mean your food, water or menus are coming any fucking time soon. The only exception to this rule is if you see a cute chick in a white shirt, get her attention and insist that she wait on you. For this heifer is the only one in the whole damn place who knows any-goddamn-thing about waitressing. This is despite the owner's sorry, big 6'4, Al B. Sure on-crack-looking-ass having his family in the restaurant business for 30 years. "Wing" this, you bastard!On the lighter side, Maxwell's food is pretty good and has been known to attract the hard to find "ghetto, but shy" girl. This unique combination can be spotted by continuous blushing and circling the table of the dudes who have asked for her. This behavior is followed by an accent and attitude to rival Ms. Bonita from In Living Colour. Let's see that jackass Crocodile Hunter find one of these. Maxwell's has also been known to induce such comical features as people falling asleep waiting for their food, niggas eating half their food and leaving (without paying) and the Jamal Jackson impromptu "You ain't gonna be in business another week" speech to Al B. Sure, himself. Brothers, we spent way too much time here.

Mulate's - Noted for it's grilled or fried gator and usually reliable, Mulate's offers a long-ass walk from the Quarter where you are likely to encounter such celebrities as Tyronn "I guarded Iverson for one quarter, now pay me" Lue and Bruh'Man (from Martin and not shit since fame). You're certain to encounter some genuine N'Awlins cuisine, but just as certain to encounter an incompetent-ass waiter who can't differentiate between lunch and dinner, has trouble getting the concept of a cash/credit card payment and will take a long time to get you the check (but not as long as them motherfuckers at Maxwell's, but I digress).

The Progressive Diner - The only thing progressive about this shit was the sense of humor of the waiter. As for the food, be on the lookout for the "Was it edible on Friday" barbecue plate, the non-Caesar, Caesar salad and the need-a-hella-lot-of-sugar tea. Stick to the simple stuff like chicken breast sandwiches and water to be safe.

Mother's - If you don't like camping out and don't have the necessities (like a sleeping bag, lots of sunblock and a big-ass tolerance for waiting) don't even bother.

The Party Scene

House of Blues - The proprietors of this once proud site have apparently lost their fucking minds and feel the can stick Essence on something and charge whatever the fuck they want. Despite my protests, we went to this shit and paid the pricey cover. This was accompanied by waiting in a way too fucking long line. (Hey, if y'all motherfuckers wanted to wait in a line, we should have gone to Mother's). Additionally, Biz Markie's ever-expanding ass seems to like repeating songs. Decent drinks and a good amount of hoes make it alright, but with no fight this year and no Aaliyah posters to contemplate stealing, not even the appearance of Miami's own Uncle Luke could make this shit worth it.Simply,

The Greatest - The party formerly known as the "I Don't Believe Magic Has HIV Jam" at the Sheraton is apparently the staging area for much of the visiting female talent in the NO. All the boyz in attendance concurred with such remarks as "This is a fucking hoe-asis", "I've never seen this much quality in one area" and "Goddamn" (repeatedly). Rule of thumb however, do not give up a seat to a bitch unless she gets naked on the spot, they are too valuable of a commodity. Of course, the party was enhanced by the on the spot inspired comedy of responses to Antwoine's "Where's Rico" routine, but more on that later. However, despite the high female population, Jermaine O'Neal and Al Harrington's stankin' asses still couldn't seem to get a flock of bitches to follow them. This stands out because their celebrity brethren like LL Cool J, Magic Johnson and that nigga from Young and the Restless had no such difficulty. This only proves that there are somethings you need to go to college for.

Of course, there is always a good time on Bourbon Street. Quick reminder though, if you encounter some white broads, be sure to call them by the right name. They seem to get mad otherwise.

The New RicSimon Oh, Christ. What in the blue hell happened here? I haven't seen the Georgia native in so much splendor since he threatened to fail half of SBI in Forum (go to sleep if you want). The newly-motivated Mr. Simon made his presence felt all weekend by putting in work on the women, being the recipient of several gratuitous come-ons and most notably was the subject of Antwoine's "Where the fuck is Rico with my cousin?" (Hey dog, you gotta talk to Rico about that). This is the type of behavior I've been trying to get at since the whole "Dude, you could have a hell of a week" deal in 96. If only we had a time machine.

That's about it for the NO wrap-up and probably my last visit for awhile, seeing as how next year around this time, I'll be preparing for the hell known as the Bar (fucking shit). Besides goddammit, it's about time we took the show the road. I'm talking crossing international borders, hitting an island, something. I'll leave that to Jamal, I've got research and plotting to do. Since I'm now back in Michigan, I can officially say, once again, This Shitty.

That's All I Have to Say About That (Archived Jun 2002)

Date: Wed, 26 Jun 2002 15:25:32 -0700 (PDT)
Well it’s time…..I’ve been quiet for long enough and people have been asking why I haven’t had anything to
say lately so here it is:

Jenifer Lopez: While Puffy has denied having anything to do with Ms. Lopez’s recent separation from her husband I would like to take full credit for the break up. You see J-Lo and I have had a little thing going on since her Money Train days and in recent years she has found it hard to be separated from me. She and I will be declaring our nuptials at some future date in a private ceremony which will include a joint marriage with Mr. Fountain and Janet Mrs. Jackson if your nasty (they by the way have also had a long distance relationship that has spanned a number of years).
R Kelly (recipient of the second annual Rae Carruth award): Yeah I know people have already spent time on this but here are a couple of thoughts that I have about the whole thing. When being interviewed by Ed Gorden on BET tonight R Kelly stated "that it wasn’t him on the tape" additionally when asked if he had seen the tape Kelly replied "No". Now wait a fucking minute, it is at this point in the interview that I must commend Ed Gorden for not slapping R. Kelly with his clipboard full of questions and then asking these follow up questions.
ED
1.) So what you are saying is that you didn’t even go check the catalog of R Kelly bump and grind videos to see if one was missing?
2.) How can you prove that it wasn’t you if you haven’t seen the tape?
3.) Shit why don’t you watch the tape?
4.)Hell if you don’t own the tape why don’t you buy the tape, you live in Chicago they probably sell it outside your house? I can only assume that his answers to the questions would have been:
Mr. Kelly
1.) Yeah I checked the catalog and there is nothing missing from my collection including my favorite one in the Kenwood auditorium with a couple of cheerleaders so there is no way that is one of my tapes.
2.) Well the guy on the tape has an Afro and I clearly have corn rolls so there is no way that is me, also Silk freak me is playing in the background and I am more of a Marvin Gaye sexual healing type of guy when it come to the young girls because it reminds them of their fathers. But that being said I haven’t seen the tape.
3.) Look I have sex a lot so I don’t have to watch tapes.
4.) While they are selling it outside my house, I’m waiting for the price to go down, plus I am a firm believer in copyright infringement, because I am an artist, so because of that I am waiting for the official version to be released by Hustler.

R Kelly 2: You know it is at times like this that I am reminded of a quote by Mr. Simon on a given night in B306 "I don’t care what you say a couple of those girls would have got it" that being said it is the job of a man’s friends to keep him from violating the under 18 rule unless he has absolutely no idea and I mean absolutely no idea that the girl is under age. Just think if it hadn’t been for the quick reaction of Mr. Fountain and myself, (I think my quote was "Nigga you’re crazy" and Mr. Fountain’s quote was "Are you fucking kidding me I’m going to my room") who were originally shocked by the young girls appearance at our humble abode, Mr. Simon might be still talking to one of these girls because as we all know he likes to cultivate young minds and develop talent over time. Additionally we know that he consistently over estimates age, for instance that nigga thinks the Olson twins are 21. But ultimately we can stand secure in knowing that it would never have come to an R Kelly situation because while some people(Big Mike) are know to close deals other are know to drop the ball and add numbers to an ever growing list. We know what kind of nigga Mr. Simon is and even though stick-um is outlawed in the NFL we are condoning the use of it for his specific case.

Doug Christie (winner of the first annual H.G. Tate "all I want is a glass of lemonade" award): Lets just talk for a second about Doug Christie who as many of you may know plays for the Sacramento Kings. Well I don’t know if you noticed but this Nigga often kisses his fingers and points to the sky 40 to 60 times during the course of a game. While a nigga like me just though that the brother was calling defensive and offensive plays this is just a camouflaged way to show that the nigga is whipped. Here are some further examples from a recent article that demonstrates that Doug Christie's wife is wearing the pants in the family and that he most certainly is the NBA player most likely to need Jason Kid to lay the smack down for him.

1.) "with few exceptions, Doug Christie does no look at other women avoiding dialogue or even direct contact" Well what if Tyra Banks is at the game can he look at her because I think he should be allowed to look at her.
2.) "The Christies remarry every year on their anniversary not a mere renewal of their wedding vows but an actual wedding replete with friends family cake and a reception" Who the fuck are the friend that attend this wedding nigga you better start giving me gifts if you want me to keep coming to this shit.
3.) "Mrs. Christie attends 25-30 of the Kings road games always riding on the team charter" Are you kidding me how the fuck are the other guys supposed to get the groupies on the plane if this chick is always around. Look can’t Chris "I don’t want the ball in crunch time/time-out calling bastard" Webber take a stand and say that there is no way he is going to be able to mess with Ananda and Tyra at the same time if Christie’s wife is around because hater-aid spills over to other nigga’s girls, groupies and wives. My basic belief is that Chris should be allowed to do this not only for himself but for all mankind. Besides if all the team wives traveled on the team plane Niggas like Shawn ("I smoke crack and eat donuts at the same time") Kemp wouldn’t be allowed to have 9 kids by 8 different women (I know there is a wife in there somewhere).

Valet Parking: Now I know that over time I have made different statements about different aspects of the Dallas culture but let me just tell you about the one aspect of this world (yeah I said it) called Dallas that makes me want to start shooting people. Apparently here in Dallas people can’t park their cars by themselves. I know you can’t believe it but look with all the leased Benzes and Beamers that is a risk that people just can’t take, I mean sliding a car in between two yellow or white lines without hitting another car. That is just too much of a liability risk. So as a result restaurants, malls, clubs and hospital (yeah they got them there too) block off their entire parking lot so that skilled parkers like myself have to pay the bastards in a red coats to take my car and park it around the corner because it is not a benze or beamer and can not under any circumstances be seen in front of the establishment. First off let me just say the only valet that should exist at a Hospital is the one that you get at the emergency room when the driver parks the ambulance. Secondly, fuck Enron, fuck Arthur Anderson, fuck World Comm congress needs to investigate why a nigga with a drivers license can’t park his fucking car in a space by himself in Dallas. I am convinced that fucking little George W. had something to do with this shit. Lastly if I see another nigga (white or black) in a red coat standing in front of a parking lot blocked off by orange cones I am going to hit that bitch with my car and claim that I though he was trying to car jack me.

The dirty South: The city of New Orleans needs to watch out because the boy are coming next week for the Essence Fest so if you got a "Nice Hat" don’t wear it, if you are Asian and under 40 a nigga named Big Mike would like to speak to you, if you are wondering why that nigga by the bar looks so angry it is because he likes to look angry, if you see a nigga in a bright pink tie-die dress shirt that means Antwoine still thinks the shirt is cool even after being clowned by the waitress at the casino last year, if you happen to be staring at a black dude from Georgia across the club stop it because I don’t care how long you stare he just ain’t coming over to talk to you, and if anybody has found Gerald’s glasses please return them to the Hotel Monteleone front desk. And that my friends is all I have to say about that

The Rattlesnake's Bite (Archived May 2002)

Hey Yo,I Hate This GameFinally with some time for recreation on my hands, I can sat on my ass and some basketball.

I'm feeling like a kid again because what I'm seeing is a flashback to back in the dayLakers vs. Celtics. Growing up a Showtime fan, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'd actually root for Boston.

Fuck The Lakers, I'm sick of this shit. Between The Big Bastard and the Now Slightly-Less Nappy Headed Wonder, it's hard to love L.A. (no, not Lower Alabama). Fuck 'em. They'll win it again, but fuck'em. Pat Riley's stankin' ass is getting ready to make some more loot with the whole 3-peat shit, but I'm about to file paperwork to get trademark protection on 4-peat, quad-peat, cuatro-peat and the fuckin Lakers did it again-peat. What truly pisses me off about the playoffs though is those stupid ass commercials with everybody posing with the Championship trophy. Baron Davis, Dirk Nowitzki, Tracy McGrady, Jason Kidd, every-damn-body. Well hold it, hug it, kiss it, look at it like a piece of ass, cause guess what, that's as close as you'll get to the damn thing. You didn't see Kobe acting all stupid around the trophy. Nah, that nigga was shining it up and checking out his reflection. That shit might as well been a crystal ball Bcause it's staying in LA this year and next, at least (that is, if Ain't Shit Ass Devon George and Lindsay Hunter don't royally fuck the shit up).

The Straw That Stirs the Heroin Before You Load It Into the Syringe and Shoot It Into Your Arm: Another thing reminding me of my youth is the fact that Darryl Strawberry is still strung out. Only now the difference is that FINALLY, THAT BASTARD IS BEHIND BARS. OH, HELL YEAH!!! Some might say it's petty to take pleasure in another's misfortune, I say kiss my ass. It's been a long time coming. This motherfucker should have been eating bread and water a long damn time ago. Maybe he'll finally act right, but I don't care, I've wanted this shit for a long time. If I was the type of cat that believed in Christmas, I'd say it came early. Hell, there go any hopes I had of being a litigator. I wanted to be the DA to put Straw in the clink. Let's see Steinbrenner save your ass now, boy.

Gay Jay: Back to shitty ass basketball and the 2001-02 NCAA Bitch of the Year, Jason Call Me Jay Williams. What the hell! What type of cowardly, craven, hoe-ish, spineless move is this? I want to separate myself from Jayson "Murderer" Williams and Jason "White Chocolate" Williams. That's easy. One is a cripple, shitty and about to be on Death Row and the other is shitty and high. Gay Williams will just be shitty. You see what I'm calling him. I tell you, I missed my calling as a sportswriter or broadcaster.

The Millennium Savage (You knew it was coming): While I'm down at the Trademark Office, I should get some type of protection for my nickname for Tyson too. Like Richard Pryor said, "That Nigga's Crazy". I mean, telling the female reporters he can't give interviews unless he's fucking them. Christ, you don't have to be doing the nasty with a woman to give an interview, be friends or just talk to them (hee, hee). Damn Savage, what are you thinking? Threatening to eat children (and people though Albert Belle was bad), saying he wishes The Sissy Englishman was dead (wait a minute, that may not be such a bad idea), and promising to whip Sissy-Boy's ass. He better damn well deliver bcause them boys is fighting in Memphis and I got even money saying if Savage pulls some of that cannibalism or hitting after the bell and getting DQ'd shit, the gold-tooth having, platinum-wearing, ghetto ass folk in the Dirty is gon get rowdy.

Miscellaneous: It's all in the title, Miscellaneous Mission #3: Operation NO. You know the time and place, and you know the routine. Nuff said.

Speaking of the NO: why is that goddamn Alicia Keys going to have her fucking junior high recital-enacting ass down there. Like I've said before, I'm sick of this heifer. 15 minutes already, shit!

Mike Wilbon: deserves some type of Pulitzer, Nobel Prize or one of Stacey King's Jordan-granted rings for his work on PTI. Dude says everything I would, minus the cursing, but shit, I'm a fucking reasonable man.

Will somebody shorten the fucking baseball season, please.

Spider-Man made how much fucking money in 3 days? (replacing The Rock's movie as #1 at the box office, I might add).

You mean to tell me that some stakin ' ass panda-loving sumbitches are the only WWF and Stone Cold and the boys are now the WWE. Jesus, that trademark case was in England only and there was a fucking appealwhat the hell McMahon! Oh well, same good ass time though and I'm looking forward to getting a shirt that says "Get the F out".Well damn, I should write a book3 guesses as to what the 2-word title would be (sounds like Miss Tity).

This ShittyYours Truly,Big Evil

Some A-1 Sauce for Y'all - The "I Got Beef" Addendum

To all my readers,

Maybe I should have started on this male/female stuff a long time ago, because I've gotten more numbers of women wanting me to call them in the past 24 hours than I did in a whole semester of hitting the clubs. Of course, most of them are telling me to call so that they can curse me out, but hey it's a response. This is something else that I do not understand. I've been writing this column for like 2 ¼ years now.

I've brought you all insight into some of the lighter issues of our day:
1. The whole Shaq and Kobe drama, when I was out in "La La Land"
2. Babyface attempting to act on Soulfood (and I do mean attempting)
3. A rundown of Bobby Brown's and Mariah Carey's most embarrassing moments

More importantly I have dissected some of the most significant social and political issues of day:
1. Mississippi voting to keep the confederate flag
2. The Gary Condit saga
3. The debate over human cloning
4. The Palestinian and Israeli conflict

Yet, when I was discussing these serious, potent issues the response was minimal.
1. Talking about the DMCA and what it could do your 1st Amendment rights . . . no calls.
2. Conversing about Pat Buchanan's new book, which basically states that he wants an all white America with even white women back in the home and not out working . . . I got one or two responses.
3. Informing about the archaic views of a Mississippi reporter talking about closing down HBCUs . . . heck, I could count the replies in my inbox on one hand.

Yet, I drop one paragraph about relationships and all hell breaks lose. So you know what that tells me, I must be doing something right. Because you haven't really made it until the hate mail start rolling in. Before I put that piece on my personal life in the last issue, I sent it off to the person that I trust the most for her review. I told her that I am trying to be entertaining and not come off looking desperate. My intention was just to throw a humorous view on the world of dating. Since I refuse to put anyone else's life out there in my column, I use myself. That's it. No less, no more. Shoot, right now I'm broke; I can't afford to take myself out. Ninety percent of time I love being single, but sometimes that old feeling just hits me. However, if you feel that is some type of backpedaling on my part, then you all do not know me at all. I make absolutely no apologizes for anything that I have written. If you disagree, then that's great. Better yet, why not put out your own column, like some of my boys do, and let your views be known. Some of you all might not remember, but this whole column started as a letter in December of 1999 telling all of my family and friends exactly when I was going to be home from Los Angeles with a couple of interesting interjections thrown in. Over time it began to morph into something more, something greater. It has become almost cathartic in a way. I want it to be an exchange of intelligent, yet sometimes dissenting opinions. I want it to stir debate and to be controversial. So I guess overall I'm writing to say thank you. Thank you, for the people out there that think I am bringing you the uncut truth. Thank you to all the people that think I'm just an egotistical moron that doesn't know jack s*&% about what's really going on in the world. Thank you for sticking with me for all of this time and hopefully we can achieve more in the future. But if y'all think I'm going to stop and cower under the pressure, then once again you don't know me at all. I'm the undisputed champion of this whole Internet commentary game. The Sultan of the Sentence and the Captain of Consonance will not stop. I can't stop. Why? You all don't want me to.

--AIR © 2002

P.S. I for some reason you didn't receive the "I Got Beef" edition or any previous edition let me know and I will expediently send it your way. I've been meaning to put all these on my website for easier access, but just haven't found the time. Also I apologize for putting everyone's email address in the title line, but I'm experiencing some difficulty with my email provider in sending things out with the BCC.

The Air Up Here, Vol. II - I Got Beef Edition

To the millions and millions of my adoring fans,

You know I'm going to stop with that intro because there's only like 150 of y'all that read this anyway. I know I was supposed to come back with a "Love & Happiness" Edition like a week after I dropped the "Fire & Brimstone" joint, but school and the other trials and travails life plotted against that one coming out. This is why I have this new edition called "I Got Beef." You all know I don't touch the red meat anymore, nope; I have beef with just the stupid stuff that goes on in the world. So for those of you who are experiencing this for the first time and were expecting that hard-hitting investigative-type journalism that I spent months agonizing over in my last few editions; this issue is not going to be like those. Why? Unfortunately, I just haven't had the time to put in the research. However, for those of you lucky enough to get in on the ground floor of the "He's Coming Back" letter, you'll remember how I used to rock it. And if you think I'm talking about you, you are probably right. I still have much love for you though.


1. Compaq Computer Corporation. I now understand why Compaq has had so many leadership/financial problems and why this merger with HP has been so shaky. THOSE FOOLS CANNOT BUILD A DECENT COMPUTER! For example, I bought the machine that I am writing this on in December of 2000, right after I finished making that big loot with Bristol Myers Squibb (another company that is having problems, but that's another story). I paid like $1200 for it and it worked fine until last semester when the modem tripped-out. So off to CompUSA I go to drop another $100 plus parts. Then this semester the DVD and CDRW drives trip out, yet another "Ben Franklin" down the drain. Then the machine won't recognize my version of MS-DOS, another "C-Note" out of my pocket. Finally the machine starts-up and Explorer performs and illegal error. Not only was this yet another fat, crispy hundred-dollar bill leaving my wallet, but I also lost ALL of my information. I mean papers, email addresses, phone numbers, pictures, and most importantly all of my greatest Internet newsletters to you all just gone like an N'SYNC song. So after factoring in the price of new parts its like I bought an $1800 computer, except I didn't get the $1,800 performance or value. How you love that? I have hard copies of most of my creations, but would some please be so kind as to send me copy of the "Fire and Brimstone" edition; I'd greatly appreciate it. So, oh yeah, I got beef with Compaq.

2. Sick People. Nothing gets to me more than when people come to school or work and are just madd sick. Then they want to shake hands or hug you or touch your glass of water or plate of food. I mean, just spreading germs all around. When you are sick, unless it cannot be avoided PLEASE STAY AT HOME. Although I have some of the worst habits like not sleeping enough or eating right all of the time, I rarely get sick. However, when I was writing this on Tuesday, I was recovering from a severe cold because too many people rolled up at school last week with germs ablaze. So I know your question: Did I stay at home Monday and Tuesday? The answer is no, because I had presentations on both days (unavoidable situations). However, without these pressing matters I would have been kicked back in my bed watching "The Price is Right" or " A Wedding Story." So sick people, I got beef with you.

3. Bad Drivers. Ladies, why is it that you attempt to put on make-up and drive at the same time? At least wait until you get to a stoplight to spruce up the powder. But it's not limited to ladies, if I see one more guy trying to read a map or the paper and drive at the same time . . . Just pull over to the side of the road or better yet invest in a car with the GPS system. I've almost been hit numerous times by people doing these "multi-tasking" activities. I'm telling you if someone had hit my baby, it would have been on. My lawyer would be defending me right now. Next, what is up with all of those people that drive the speed limit or slower in the fast lane? If I want to get my speed on that's my business. I don't need other people out there being the morality police. If I want to take the chance of getting a ticket or worse, please let me be. Also what's up with the people that have all of those tight sports cars and don't open them up on the road? I just don't get it. Bad drivers, I got beef with you.

4. The Whole Israel - Palestine Issue. Nothing saddened me more than waking up on Easter Morning and hearing about the suicide bombings and the subsequent retaliatory attacks in the Mideast. However, one of the things that amused me was when the following Sunday the pundits were saying that Israel was defying an order by the US, by retaliating. I'm not taking sides in this issue because it's far too complex for me to fully comprehend. However, there are a few things that I do know. First, this conflict is practically biblical. These two groups, while not under the modern names have been fighting forever; so do we really think that by having the US step in that anything is going to change? Second, the last time I checked Israel was a sovereign nation, which pretty much means they can do whatever they want to do. Israel is defying a US order. What? That would be like someone telling me I can't shave my head, brush my teeth, eat, drink, and be merry. In the words of Cedric the Entertainer, "I'm a grown a-- man," I'll do what I want to do. Israel has the same right. So pundits and policy makers, I got beef with you.

5. My Dating Life. I don't want you all to think that my life is not great because it is. I have the best family anyone could wish for, my health is tight, I've been around the world, I already have another internship lined up for the summer and fall, and I am finally finished with classes at the end of the month (but don't look for your graduation invitations until December). Life is good, very good in all aspects except for one: Can a brother please find someone to talk to before I start pushing 30 and become the old man at the club? My lack of companionship became abundantly clear to me when I was leaving church two Sundays ago. I was watching all the young couples heading back to their automobiles and it dawned on me that "Hey, I wish I had someone to take to church and eat Sunday dinner with." Now don't get me wrong, most of the time I thoroughly enjoy being single. I really think that my personality is almost predicated on that concept; because as most of you know, I can be borderline narcissistic at times. Yet and still, sometimes I just don't understand what's going on. It straight boggles my mind why I am still single. Let's peep my stats for a quick sec. I'm young (24), tall (6'5 3/4"), and am 210 pounds of solid muscle (okay, the solid muscle is taking a little poetic license, but I'm working on it). I don't have any children, never been married, have solid job prospects with exponential earning potential, finally got rid of that stalker (just kidding) and yet I still can't find a date. However, Pookie at the gas station with the gold fronts and the jheri curl has all the ladies. What is up with that? Now, I'm not trying to hate on Pookie, because Pookie needs love too. But let's be real, Pookie vs. AIR? No comparison. Tallahassee supposedly has this 7 to 1, female to male ratio, but I haven't seen it. So, I don't have beef with my life, but I working on this whole dating thing.

6. The Way We Treat Each Other. Contrary to popular belief, I really don't talk that much. I know my commentaries are long, but that's because I'm more comfortable in this medium. Since I don't talk that much, it leaves me with a significant amount of time to make observations. Kids today just don't respect their parents or their elders and it truly dismays me. I have this whole theory about kids born after 1979 and the issues they have. If you fall into this group, I'm not trying to intentionally offend. However, I think when 1980 rolled around that's when parents just went soft on their kids, and started punishing them with things like "timeouts" and "go to your room and think about what you've done." What ever happened to the good ole days of having to go out and pick your own switch, having cabbages thrown at you, or trying to run from that hand that seemed to magically come from the sky and smack you? It's just a thought. Male/Female relationships these days seem to be more adversarial than ever. Where is the respect? Where is the love? For those of you that went to Gulfport High, I know you all remember Mr. Grabowski's rules of things that males and females just should not do in front of each other or to each other. However, as I look around it just seems like anything goes now, and it's totally accepted or at least tolerated. However, just because something is accepted does not make it right. So whom do I have beef with? I have beef with all of us, myself included because unfortunately I don't always do the right thing.

7. Yahoo. Yahoo gets no love from me because at the end of the month they are going to start charging for their account-holders to download their email into clients such as Eudora, Outlook Express, and Outlook (the client that I use to compose these masterpieces offline). I got hooked on using Outlook when I was out in Los Angeles and I refuse to go back to tying up my phone line to compose email. The price of this service ranges from $19.99 to $29.99 a year. Twenty-nine dollars just for the privilege to read my messages offline, I think not. In fact, they should be happy that I download my mail, because it increases available bandwidth and storage space for them. So if anyone is using a service provider that offers efficient service and most importantly integration with Outlook for free, I would appreciate it if you passed the name along. Yahoo gets the "USDA Grade A" I got beef rating.

8. Body Language. This one is in conjunction with My Dating Life. Women, I am going to let you in on a little secret about men. In the absence of any concrete information men have the tendency to make assumptions with the information that is available. For those of you whom have had any exposure to psychology or sociology you know that 90 percent of communication is nonverbal. Thus, when women aren't giving us any explicit answers, nonverbal clues make up the basis of the information that we use to form our analysis. So let me give you a few signs that you send off which will basically kill a guy's night out with you. One, if you hug a guy and give him the little pats on the back at the same time you have effectively just told him that he is locked in "The Friend Zone." As Chris Rock told us back in 1996, there is no escape from "The Friend Zone," so most guys will just bail on you rather than risk being confined in TFZ. I'm not saying that you are consciously aware of it, but just think about the last time you hugged a friend compared to someone whom you might be interested in . . . there is a difference. Two, if you cross your legs away from a guy if you are sitting next to him or toward the door if sitting in front of him, then you are saying that you are not interested or in the second case trying to make a quick getaway. So if you are wondering why your dating life is not up to par and guys run from you like the plague, consider some of the signs I just mentioned. Better yet you could just say what you mean and mean what you say and save us all of the trouble of having to make suppositions all together. You all do give off other positive signals, but this isn't called the "Love & Happiness" edition; it's strictly about stuff I have beef with. (And yes I know that you are not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition, so please don't go and tell my mom.)

All right after I've attacked almost everyone, lost numerous friends, and totally put my personal life out there for public scrutiny; I do have some lighter stuff. So lets start with Entertainment and end with Shout Outs.


TELEVISION SHOWS
1. Smallville. This is the latest in a long line of Superman incarnations, however, this story has a twist. Clark Kent is in high school and has yet to hone his growing array of superpowers. At this point in the show he doesn't even know that he can fly. Another interesting plot juxtaposition is that Clark Kent and Lex Luther (his archenemy in all of the Superman films) are the best of friends. Lex struggles with trying to do the right thing, but somehow just not having things turn out that way. However, the highlight of the show has to be the actress that portrays Lana Lang (Kristen Kruek). She has some of the most beautifully haunting eyes that I have ever seen (look at the March 28th edition of Rolling Stone and you will see what I mean). All she would have to do was stare at me and you could stick a fork in me, because a brother would be done. And the best things are technically she is a minority and she is legal (so, Lorieal, no comments on that please). Smallville can be seen on the WB at 9:00pm on Tuesdays.

2. Alias. This show just might save ABC's dismal ratings. The show centers on a graduate student that has a secret life as a double agent. Fast moving plots, complex characters, and exotic locales help to make this show a hit. Also, the portrayal of the struggle that the main character Sidney goes through in order to maintain a "normal" life, while doing all these perilous assignments really captivates the audience. Alias can be seen on ABC at 9:00pm on Sundays.

3. P.T.I. (Pardon The Interruption). This show just might be the best one to come of last season's crop of new shows. Hosted by Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon, this show covers a variety of topics, mainly sports-related in a fast-paced and entertaining manner. Even if you were not a big sports fan you would like this show. Just to see the totally irreverent interaction between the show's hosts is worth giving it a try. P.T.I. can be seen on ESPN at 5:30pm and ESPN2 at 7:00pm every weekday.


MUSIC INDUSTRY OBSERVATIONS
1. I have to admit that I am totally feeling Cam'ron's new song "Oh, Boy." However I'm just wondering how many times are we going to have someone try to capitalize on the formula that Juvenile used in "Ha." Black Rob, are you listening?

2. While I'm on the subject of knock-offs, how many times is someone going to use the beat from Vanity's "Nasty Girl"? It's almost like the Neptunes think they invented it, because they bite it enough. First, you can hear it in the undertones of Philly's Most Wanted's "Please Don't Mind." Next, it was used in Britney Spears' "Slave 4 U" song. Finally, it is being trotted out once again for Jagged Edge's new joint. And speaking of Jagged Edge, would anyone recognize anyone from that group walking down the street except for the twins?

3. Could someone please tell me why Mobb Deep is trying to play the "sensitive thug" role popularized by Ja Rule with their latest songs? I thought Mobb Deep strictly represented hardcore rap. I suggest they listen to a copy of Dead Prez's "It's Bigger Than Hip Hop" which states: "That label is that slave-ship / owners got them whips / and rappers is slaves / if you want to eat / you got to hit." Obviously when the label says they have to move more albums, they are willing to do anything.

4. Why did Twista never blow up? You have to admit that all of his collaborations on tracks are fabulous. So why is it that his record never sold?

5. Why does Ashanti have the #1 album in America? She pushed like over 600,000 copies in the first week. I've lost absolutely all faith in the music-buying public. Don't get me wrong, she is totally attractive and all and I would holla at the drop of dime. I just question her musical skills. There are many more talented artists (that I will discuss in my CD reviews) who haven't done those numbers and their albums have been out for a year or more.

6. I have to finally admit to myself what I have been trying to deny for the past two years: N'SYNC is totally bangin'. I've got to give it up for those cats; they make some catchy tunes. You know you love "Gone", "Bye, Bye, Bye", "It's Gonna Be Me" and "Girlfriend."


CD REVIEWS
1. How I Do by Res. This is my selection for the best album of last year. This Philly native combines rock, R&B, pop, and alternative music into a seamless style that cannot be limited to one genre. I like to call it alternative R&B; you'll probably just call it the hot stuff. I picked up the album last August when it dropped and have been mesmerized since. She is finally starting to get some shine, because MTV has designated her as a "Buzzworthy" artist and has been playing her latest video "They Say Vision." However, I think the standout cuts on the album are "Golden Boys" (her first video) which lets all the posers at the club know that "life ain't a video", "Ice King", "700 Mile Situation", and "Tsunami." Regardless of what style of music you are into, you will probably feel this album.

2. The Way I Feel by Remy Shand. Do you remember the days of the Bobby Caldwell's "Do For Love", the Average White Band's "Love Of Your Own" or basically any song by Michael McDonald? I know that I am showing my age because I do. Well "blue-eyed soul" has made a comeback with Remy Shand's new album. I know that you are probably thinking, "This is just another white boy trying to sing soul music. We've already got Jon B." Well he is not trying to sing soul music; he succeeds in singing it with a passion that is lacked by a majority of the R&B artists out currently. Remy's album that he totally wrote, arranged, produced, performed, and mixed is an eclectic joy to listen to. His falsetto stylings remind me of Maxwell on most tracks except for two that are reminiscent of Al Green. His music isn't of the soulful "baby-making" variety of D'Angelo. No, it reminds me more of what one would find in a live jazz club on 6th Street (Austin, TX). Standout tracks on the album are "Burning Bridges", "The Second One", "Take A Message", and "The Mind's Eye", which has a fantastic jazz outro.

3. Red Star Sounds, Vol. I by Various Artists. This compilation, which was released in October of last year features a variety of headliners such as The Roots, Jill Scott, and Nelly Furtado; and lesser-known acts such Mr. "Don't U Forget It" Glenn Lewis and Lathun. This is a solid album from top to bottom especially the first 11 tracks (when was the last time you bought an album with 11 tight songs? Heck, when was the last time you bought an album with 5 tight songs). I highly recommend it.

4. Whoa, Nelly by Nelly Furtado. Okay, I'm going to admit that I was totally not buying into the whole Nelly Furtado hype when she first came out. MTV and VH1 were playing that "I'm Like A Bird" joint like every 30 minutes and I just couldn't get with it. I have to say that I started warming up to her style when she did the remix of "Get UR Freak On" with Missy, and when I heard "Turn Out The Lights" and "Legend" (which is featured on Red Star Sounds). Well, Joel went out and picked up the album a couple of weeks back. After I burned myself a copy (no props to the RIAA), it was the only CD that I played for a straight week. Like Res, she has a genre-bending style that somehow just works. Standout tracks are "Legend", "Baby Girl", and "...On The Radio." Also "Scared Of You" has to the second-best song that I have heard in the last year; it is absolutely beautiful.

5. 1st Born Second by Bilal. I picked this album up last year after I heard the song "Sometimes" (which is also featured on the Ali Soundtrack). Many of you all know that my main vice is buying CDs (300 and counting). With so many in the collection it's hard to give each one its proper due all of the time, thus was the case here. I listened to it twice or thrice and to the bottom of my rotation it went. Also the two or three times that I did listen to it, I just peeped the songs that were being played on the radio. That was a mistake on my part. A friend of mine asked me to burn her a copy (no props to the RIAA) and thus in the process I listened to the album again. I am hooked. The album is a lyrical and musical work of art. Bilal's style reminds of those old albums by Prince, before he got weird. You know the ones I'm talking about: Purple Rain, Around The World In A Day, and Sign O The Times. Standout songs on the album are "Fast Lane" with Dr. Dre and Jadakiss, "Soul Sista" which was feature on the Love & Basketball Sdtk, the aforementioned "Sometimes", and "Love Poems." I know you are probably wondering why did I say "Scared Of You" was the second-best song that I've heard in a year, and it is because a song on this album eclipsed it. "You Are" is without a doubt THE BEST SONG I have heard in the past 12 months. I have the song ripped on my computer. I pump it up in my home stereo. It is the only song that I've listened to in my car for the past four days. I am totally blown by this joint. Of course, it may have something to do with that fact that I'm just a sucker for love songs, but then y'all read what I wrote up top so there it is.


SHOUT OUTS
1. I have to say hello to my boy Sterling who says that I never give him any shine in my newsletters. Well, Sterling, there you go. You even get to headline the props section. I hope that you and the wife (I still can't believe that you are married) are holding it down up in DC.

2. I didn't get a chance to say congratulations to my girl Chrystal who graduated from USM in the fall. I'm proud of you.

3. A big congrats goes out to the Gulfport High basketball team that went 37 and 1, and won the state title while I was home over Spring Break. It was Gulfport's first title since Chris Jackson (Denver Nuggets fans will remember him by a different name) was there way back in 1988.

4. One time for my girl Karesha, who is following her dreams of being a dancer in Spain. You are a braver individual than me. For one, anyone who has seen me out knows that I couldn't dance my way out of a wet paper bag (Morgan, no jokes about the Delta Ball). For two, I don't think I could have giving up that cash flow. You know a brother has to have income coming in.

5. This one goes out to all my people in Atlanta. I'm moving to the ATL in June to push product for Glaxo Smith Kline in what will be my farewell internship. So, be sure to show a brother some love. I'll probably be up there this weekend; so if anyone has any recommendations for nice apartments to live in, preferably downtown (I'm not trying to fight traffic), I would greatly appreciate it if you dropped me a line.

6. Finally a big shout out to all of my buddies that are actually walking across the stage on April 27. We come from a variety of classes ('94, '95, '96, and '97), however, we all bonded and united under one common fact. We actually have memories of when Different Strokes was still on television and I'm not talking about in syndication.


Okay, that pretty much wraps it up. I know this was extremely long, but considering the fact that I don't know when I'm going to have the time to write again I had to get it out. Oh, and there was one last group that I have beef with that didn't make the top section. You know who you are. I'm here to let you know that the Purveyor of Poetry and the Prince of Prose has not fallen off. I started this joint way back in 1999, and I'm not going anywhere.

As always take care, much love, and God bless.

--AIR © 2002

P.S. Because I send this out to so many people I have been informed that some email programs actually filter it out as junk mail. My creations junk mail? Perish the thought. However, if you ever hear about one of the latest editions and it somehow didn't make it to you. Let me know and I will get it out to you forthwith.

The Air Up Here, Vol. II - Fire & Brimstone Edition

Family, friends and others,

This is going to be extremely lengthy so you might want to read a little bit during that ten minutes while you are drinking your coffee in the morning, read some more during your lunch break, and read the rest on your way out of the office. In fact I am going to break this up into two editions, I'll hit you with the "Fire and Brimstone" first and then I will follow up shortly with the "Love and Happiness."

I guess that maybe I've been away too long. Things in the world have just gotten out of control since I last wrote. Of course there is that day last year that no one will ever forget that has been thoroughly dissected in everyway imaginable, so it will not be mentioned here. No, I like to set my sights on the more obscure issues that might have drifted just below your radar screen, but that are all the more important nonetheless. As I said, maybe I was gone too long because people just think that they can do whatever and say anything without any penalty; without anyone raising a voice and saying, "Hey that's unacceptable." But no more, for I have returned and believe you me that there are going to be consequences and repercussions up in this b*!$&. Before I get started I would like to apologize to anyone that may be offended, but you read the title (I didn't call it "Fire & Brimstone" for nothing) and you can stop reading at anytime or just wait and read the more light-hearted "Love and Happiness Edition" to follow. With that said here we go:

1. Wyatt Emmerich, publisher of The Northside Sun. In an article that appeared in the Clarksdale Press Register on January 31st, Mr. Emmerich makes statements that are so inflammatory, so ignorant, and so blatantly racist that I wonder how they ever were published in a mainstream media outlet. I will just give you a few of the highlights from the article. He states:

a. "How can funding be racially discriminatory when all Mississippi students are free to attend any school they desire? There is no doubt that our three largest universities - Southern [USM], Ole Miss and State - have better facilities and better teachers. Any student who wants to benefit from that funding should attend those schools."

b. "Our so-called African-American universities are vestiges of a period of segregation. If the government acted sensibly, many of these schools would have been closed once segregation ended."

c. "Let's leave the predominantly African-American universities as a second-tier alternative to those students who lack the desire or qualifications to our better universities.”

Yes, it is true that Mississippi's "Big Three" institutions have better facilities (a direct result of years of more funding), but as for better teachers that is definitely open for debate. Just because teachers are paid more at a certain institution, in absolutely no way makes them better. You cannot put a price on the caring, the values, and the individual commitment that many teachers at HBCUs (Historically Black Colleges and Universities) give to their students. Just because a teacher obtained a degree at a prestigious institution does not mean that they know how to disseminate that information in a manner that makes sense to those being taught. I'm sure that you have all been in classes where you just do not understand what the regular teacher is trying to impart. One day you have a substitute teacher or you have a classmate (who obviously hasn't obtained a degree yet) explain it to you and it's like a light goes on in your head. So that rebuffs one argument. Next, the issue about closing HBCUs and having all students attend one of the "Big Three" if they want to take advantage of funding. I propose - strictly for the sake of argument - let's close the "Big Three" shift all the funding to HBCUs and have all students attend them. People would say that idea is preposterous. All of the sudden closing institutions of higher learning does not look so attractive anymore. I'm sure Mr. Emmerich would be the main one championing equal funding then. Next, why does "black" automatically have to be associated with "second-tier" or as is the case here in Florida "third-tier." I cannot speak for anyone else, so I will just use my own personal example. I did not attend Florida A&M University because I couldn't get in to Ole Miss or Florida State. In fact, I turned down both academic and athletic scholarships to all of the "Big Three" schools in Mississippi, Florida State, several Ivy League schools, and to many other "prominent" institutions. I am at FAMU, because in addition to giving me an education in business that I would put up against any program in the nation; it gives me a sense of belonging that I could not get at a "majority" institution being a typical African-American child that grew up in the suburbs. Finally, just to throw in another quick fact, the majority of black students in graduate school come from HBCUs. Next topic, because I'm starting to get heated.

2. Gary Condit. Can this guy not leave well enough alone? He had finally been knocked out of the public eye. His face was no longer being splashed across your television screen every 15 minutes. Yet, he just couldn't go quietly into the sunset and practice law; no, he wants to run for re-election. Maybe he likes the limelight, maybe he is just craves the attention, or maybe he is just plain stupid. You can't say that I didn't try to warn him.

3. Pat Buchanan. In case you all missed it at your local Barnes & Noble or wherever fine books are sold, Pat Buchanan has a new book out entitled - The Death of the West: How Dying Populations and Immigrant Invasions Imperil Our Country and Civilization. The title gives you the quick and dirty synopsis of the book. He basically states that any non-white person is imperiling "our country and civilization." I didn't know I was such a threat. The last time I checked I was born here too. He blames uncontrolled immigration, political correctness, and white working women who have stopped having babies for killing the "God-and-country culture of the 1940s and 1950s." Ahhh, the 1940s and 1950s, an absolute Golden Age for America . . . everybody's doing the twist, drinking shakes at the malt shoppe, and watching Donna Reed, Mr. Ed, and I Dream of Jeanie on television. Yes, my friends it gets no better than that . . . but then like the majority of the population you wake up and realize that you are not a white male. Women who wanted to work were definitely not looked upon with adoration back then. Negroes (used for emphasis) were supposed to know their place. " I-I-I will cook for yaa sur. I-I-I will shine yaa shoes sur. I'll step and fetch for yaa sur." Put me in a Jules Verne time machine and take me back there quick. As for this being "our country," almost nothing gets to me more than hearing those talking heads on the Sunday morning news programs saying "our country." I know when they are saying "our country" they are sure not talking about me. Or better yet remember in school learning how Christopher Columbus "discovered" America. I'm not going to lie; I love getting off for Columbus Day, but what the @#$% did he discover. He discovered that the Native Americans were already getting along just fine without the so-called "civilized" European influence. If this is anyone's country it is the Native Americans, but where are they now, pushed onto reservations. Like Chris Rock said in one of his comedy acts, "When was the last time you just saw a Native American family out just chillin?" I've been to over half the states in this country and I don't think that I ever have seen it. Mr. Buchanan wants to return to an America where the schools teach our children "what to believe, what to value, how to think, how to live." I'm sorry, but I can't buy that brand. Values should be taught by parents in the home. What Mr. Buchanan is talking about smells just a little bit too much like some of the scenarios that are depicted in the classic books 1984 and Brave New World. Instead of returning America to some antiquated system that caused divisions that still reverberate throughout society today; maybe he should look forward to finding real solutions to cure what ails our country. I'm telling you in this edition I'm pulling no punches. To steal a line from a famous song "I'm gonna pull back the curtains and open up the windows. Y'all don't want me to continue." But I am going to do it anyway.

4. The DMCA. You know back in 1998 when the stock market flying and everything was absolutely lovely with the world a small piece of legislation passed which probably didn't even make the back page of the paper. I must admit that never paid any mind to it until last year. You might not know what it is now, but if you love music, movies, or electronic books it affects you, yes you. The Digital Millennium Copyright Act of 1998 was proposed by motion picture studios, music producers, and book publishers to be a law that stops pirates from circumventing technical protection measures used to safeguard copyrighted works. It is now turning into a law that attacks the "Fair Use" principles, which have been the catalysts for innovation the U.S. for the past 150 years. It has been used to imprison a Russian computer programmer who came to U.S. to give an academic lecture. It has prevented Princeton Professor Edward Felten and his colleagues from publishing the results of their scientific research on how to defeat the SDMI watermarking technology; even though the SDMI issued an open challenge to find someone that could defeat the system. It has been used to prevent a magazine from even linking to a certain website. Basically it is the beginning of the end for your precious First Amendment rights. And believe it or not the courts and Congress thus far have sided with companies with the fat pockets.

5. General Ignorance. Now you all know that out of all people I try to stay away from issues concerning race. When I write this piece, I always try to review and revise it to make sure that I am not being too inflammatory. However, ignorance has just continued to escalate, to run amuck and I cannot turn a blind eye or a deaf ear. Last October, fraternity brothers at Auburn University donned Omega Psi Phi shirts and blackface in what was supposed to be a joke. Blackface and simulated beatings and lynchings are not exactly my idea of a joke. Last month a group of law students over at Florida State threw a "Pimps and Ho's" Party in which they recreated scenes out of the 70's blaxploitation films. Once again this was supposed to all be conducted under the guise of "good clean fun." I'm not saying that this issue is totally one-sided. If you watch a one-hour block of BET during any video show you can see that we (Black people) help to sponsor some of this ignorance with many of the images that we portray of ourselves. I just want to know when does the ignorance stop and when does the healing being on both sides?

I know that I probably ruffled some feathers, but you know it was done without any malicious intent. To my Caucasian brothers and sisters you know that I have much love for you. To everyone out there keep your head up, remain strong and maybe together we can make the world a better place. I'll see you in the next edition. As always, God Bless and take care.

--AIR © 2002

That Damn Ric Simon Speaks VI

Friends, Associates, Girls who I love and you know whoyou are, and My Neezees, welcome to another edition!

1.Does Jay Z not have like a two-way pager or evencell phone to put a girls number in so he can "hollaat them when he gets off tour"?

2.Is BET going to have a Who Wants to be a V-Jaycontest soon, to replace you know who?

2A. Could 106 & Park be subject to"Gentrification"?...And you all know what I mean!

3.Where is Christina Aguliera?

4.Is it just me or have we still not seen DickCheyney?

5.Does George W look like he is suffering from"melanoma"

6.Do you think Dave Thomas was actually eating Wendy'shamburgers all these years or was he eating Raley'sand Krystals on the side?

7. Doesn't it seem like yesterday that a stamp costs25 cents?

8. Now that Univ of Miami has regained nationalprominence, does this mean a Two Live Crew Comback?

9. Are we, "FAMU", going to Really go to Miami andplay the Canes next year or are we going for the roadtrip?----You know how we Rattlers do!

10. Is Juanita Jordan fine or what fellas?

11. Where is Ricky Martin?

12. Is there some subliminal message regarding theMiller "HIGH" Life commercials?

13. For those of you who watched the Lord of theRings, was it just me or were Gandof and otherssmoking some serious weed?

14. Even more on weed......I know that smokingcigarettes can lead to weight loss. What I didn'tknow was that by getting caught with 250 pounds, onecould get caught with 125 pounds less of weed within aweek?

14A. I guess Nate "Newton" was applying a fundamentallaw of physics crafted by his cousin Issac...What goesup must eventually come down.

14B. Stunning results on the above eh? I feel asunday morning infomercial on BET coming, starring youguessed it FAMU's finest....Mr Nate Newton?

15. How did fabulous go from riding in an Escalade inhis first video, to straight riding the train in"Holla Back"?

16. How and why did Teen Summit get reduced from anacutal "summit" between a collection of teens to 3people just "kicking it on the set".

17. Speaking of the "Set", don't we all miss the"Set"!

18. Who's taller Jermaine Dupri, Ludacris, Ja Rule orFredo from Lord of the Rings?

19. Who needs to visit the dentist quickly? Lil Wayne or Fabulous?

20. Where in the "Hell" is Bin Laden? Maybe Hell isthe best place to look right now, ya think? Well Kids that is enough for today. Please stay tunedfor the year 2001 awards. Holla Back