That's All I Have To Say About That (Archived August 2001)

Typically I would put some time in between installment because I know black people and with us reading is fundamental which essentially means that "I ain't reading no long ASS emails on a regular basis". I understand that but I don't give a fuck so here it is.

1.) Observations from a brother who doesn't have any pay channels in the summer (i.e. HBO, Showtime, Skinamax) don't ask why just feel my pain.

a.) BET-So what's up with BET having a Year In Review show in August......I can understand a Year In Review show in December or January (the beginning of a new year and all) I can even stretch and say that I understand a Year In Review show in June (the sixth month hence the middle of the year) but fucking August what the hell kind of calendar are they on. Wait I got it, this is the quintessential example of Nigga Time they planned to originally air the show in January and because of Niggas being Niggas, "dog I must have lost the tape during the merger" it didn't air until August.

b.) Arabesque Movies- Is anybody embarrassed to say that they have watched an entire one of these BET masterpieces. All right so I watched one or two of these movies and I'm still able to be secure in my manhood and you know what, they weren't all that bad. Now before you jump up and say Jamal's lost his damn mind remember Jamal Doesn't Have Any Pay Channels. It's either the Arabesque movie or the MSNBC expose on women weightlifters (by the way I watched that on Saturday and let me just say that I Am Scared). You know I especially enjoyed the movie with Kadeem Hardison (Where has he been and what happen to the flip glasses) and Lark V(fuck I can't spell it but you know who I'm talking about she is that chick from Saved By the Bell). Well anyway Kadeem is this Arsenio Hall type and Lark is this Congressman's daughter and well shit to cut a story short and not ruin the whole movie (in case you end up flipping past BET in search of quality television) they fall in love.

c.) Arabesque Movies II-Here is an interesting observation from the movie previously mentioned in section B. Well I found it quite humors that a Chante Moore song happens to be playing in the background on a number of occasions when Kadeem and Lark are getting it on (having sex for the unimaginative). So You Got a Man Huh.

d.) Chante Moore and Dwayne Wayne-That brings up the question What happened? Damn I mean you made a record about how you "Got a Man" and next thing I know you don't have a man. Say girl somebody take your man? Get tired of your man? Maybe he wasn't the man (all you girls get your head out of the gutter)? You prefer a woman over your man (for all the freaks in the house)? Well if anybody knows the deal let me know because I don't think the Enquirer covered this one (and I'm not even going to say anything about Phylicia and Ahmad Rashad).

e.) Arabesque Movies III-Well all thought these movies kind of suck they do show black love which is all too often neglected in this society and absent the Cosby Show reruns, not shown enough on T.V (you can catch an hours worth of Cosby on TBS at 4:00pm eastern Ted Turner is my mother fucker).

f.) THE Real World-Yes I watch that shit (because lets say it all together Jamal Doesn't Have Any Pay Channels) and finally after years of drama we finally have three yes three black people on the show. I don't think they could possibly kick all of them off or could they. You know I think this is a truly great moment in t.v. (some may disagree) because little white boys and girls with their Backstreet Boy CD's and Janet Posters (Eric I knew you would like this) are finally getting an opportunity to see a somewhat real depiction of Black people. I mean they have had several conversation about race, music (Maxwell specifically, one of my personal favorites) and most importantly why black women have problem with black men dating white women. While I'm sure that most white kids still don't understand the reason for this argument (we're all people dude so love is love) it's still great to know that they have to listen to our perspective for at least thirty minutes on a Tuesday night.

2. W- Shit no one told me we had two Black presidents in a row. You ask how do I know this well because the last president is living in Harlem and the current president is taking a month vacation. What kind of Nigga shit is that.........now we(black people) have been know to take a month vacation before but usually when we come back we don't have a job anymore. What the fuck............you know I blame people in Florida for this shit. So what are you going to do W, fire up Airforce one, pick up the girls (his daughters and hopefully an ugly intern because everyone is doing them) and go get a couple of drinks? Fuck it, why don't you come to big D we will fire up the grill and then we can talk about your dumb ass, your daughters drunk ass, and you Vice Presidents heart attack having dead ass (if the FBI is reading this I'm just joking). You know that was mean. I take it back. I'm sure that Cheeny will make it until next year as long as he keeps popping Energizers.

Single thoughts because I be thinking:
1.) Don't you just love the Boondooks (Gerald calm down) a black comic strip for us by us.
2.) Did Lil Kim's breasts get bigger again
3.) Where the fuck is the new Maxwell CD
4.) I walked from the car to the movie theater on Sunday and came to the conclusion that it just isn't safe being outside in Texas in the Summer (How hot was it you ask, well all I know is that it was at least triple digits and once it goes past there I stop counting for my own safty I mean no nigga should know the true temperature that might cause a run on Kool Aid or something)
5.) I love AC, AC is my friend, if you don't have AC, don't use AC, I aint coming over that aint hattin it's just the truth because I have to draw the line somewhere and in Texas that's where you draw the line.
6.) Has anybody seen Dre Davis?
7.) White people will always steal your ideas at work so keep them to yourself.
8.) While I am still reeling from my golf defeat at the hands of THE CHAP I take comfort in the fact that I beat his ass several time in John Madden. Don't come to the house unless you are ready to bring it.
9.) I also expect to rebound with a crushing defeat of Mr. Simon on Saturday (if we are lucky he will throw a fit and break a club or something).
10.) And last but not least those feeling sorry for a brotha may request my address and send tapes of Sex in the City, Soul Food, The Roy Jones fight, that expose on the Baltimore Raven, any episode of Real Sex (everybody watches but nobody admits it) and any other quality television that I happen to be missing because lets say it all together

Jamal Doesn't Have Any Pay Channels. That's all I have to say about that.