TDRS-THE NFL DRAFT EDITION

What up FAM, What up Folk! It’s ya boy and I’m coming back at you “one mo gin wit a big wassup”. TDRS “got that Southernplayalisticadillacfunkymuzik for yo' trunk. And it's fat like herringbone, and tight like nap booty”. So let me take you deep and be straight to the point, because this is that REAL $hit, All Day, Everyday.

As always, let me give respect (like my man Ali G would say) where respect is due and that is to “FAM”(keep striking), to my “Folk” who know how we Rattlers do and to the new readers, (Aaron-in the U.K., Quia, Ernesto, Kimmah, Barika, Dornecia, Jabari, Jovanna, Mekayla, Shevon, Michelle, Edwin, Courtney) who’ve become part of what truly has become a passion of mine, writing about nothing!

The Mailbag:
-Why I got to be "Playa # 1" ????? You are the pimp. I read TDRS just to make sure my game is tight, playa. Keep schoolin' us on the "Perry Pimpin." Hilarious!!! ….T Mayo

-Much props & stunts for the breakdown of the teams, squads and crew. Your definition of "team" is so ON point b/c like the Patriots & The San Antonio Spurs, they are boring to watch, but they hold your interest just 'cause you wonder "What exactly are they doing on a game in and game out basis that constantly ensures victory for them??"
Re Squads: Me and my man from back @ the crib also refer to "squads" as "The Voltron". Because individually they contribute something special and can hold their own in given situations; but when they unite as one, nothing can hold them down...also to piggy back on your analogy, it's difficult to pick out an MVP within squads.

Lastly point #2 on the crew...I tell all my peoples about that scene @ my man J. Jackson's party where those ladies came into the set, got on the 1s and 2s, wrecked the party, and when they left they went out just like the Infamous Mobb Deep: "Parties over, tell the rest of the crew!"…….B. Holcomb B, this is definitely one of the best replies the mailbag has ever had-TDRS.

- Bottom line: women don't want to "Catch a Good Black Man"...they just want to complain about not having a good black man to their girls and bias. Instead they are out getting their feelings hurt by that one cat that either sends them to the chiropractor day in day out, or the cat that all her girls are like, "Why are you with him any-dam-way gurl?". It's just somethin bout that one dude who they know aint quite right, but yet is SO RIGHT. Trust me, I know. Once a woman has deemed you as a "Good Black Man"...unless she's ready to conceive or is all out of other options, you will be played to the left homie. Perfect pop culture examples of these not so right for you brothas that are being heavily embraced by our ladies: R. Kelly, Jay-Z, 50 Cent, Cash Money...and I can go on and on. Nice, aka Good, guys finish last; they aren't even in the game. Ladies, if you really want to meet a "Good Black Man", check out a lounge, exhibit, or outing NOT sponsored by a malt liquor or professional ball player, walk up to a MAN you are attracted to... and say hello……Mateo T. M, as Jay Z said to Rick Reuben in 99 problems, “you wrong for this one”! --TDRS

-Still don't know who Cityboi is….Spice D. Spice, it’s not who, its “what”-TDRS.

-Hey Quia (member of the crew that ripped up J Jackson’s housewarming party), i’ll make sure to put your mailbag comments in the next edition, i can’t check my yahoo email from work! …. TDRS

The NFL DRAFT
As I alluded to in last week’s “How to Find a Good Black Man Edition”, this week is going to discuss the NFL draft. I love the NFL, a.k.a. “the League” b/c it’s the best of the best. If you’re not that good, you don’t last in the League for very long. Even if you were just awesome in college (see Heisman Trophy winners like Gino Torreta, Andre Ware, Ty Detmer, and Heath Shuler) it doesn’t mean you’ll be great in the NFL. Heck, it really doesn’t necessarily guarantee you entry into the league (see Jason White from Univ Oklahoma).
My boys J Jackson and E Fountain provided some of the inspiration for this week’s edition. For years, my boys have constantly been on me about building a team or better yet, a squad. If you don’t know what a team or squad is then please go back and read last week’s edition. According to Jamal, I got all the tools to build and develop a nice squad. I have:
(i) Salary Cap Space
(ii) My own stadium or soon to be my own stadium
(iii) An awesome scouting department-T Hinton, E-Troupe-(a.k.a. hooking brothas up via text messages…ha!),the rest of the crew, and any other’s out there who got some talented friends who want to play for a great franchise) and last but not least
(iv) A pretty good supply of prospects to DRAFT from (i.e. from the city of Atlanta)
Yes my friends this is the NFL Draft edition and I’m going to come at you with a few rounds (words) of pure draft analysis like my name is Mel Kiper III. Who the hell is Mel Kiper? If you don’t know, you better ask somebody.

Fellas, I got to say this and I’m sorry if I offend anyone. Basically, if you don’t have the cash don’t even try to be an owner in the League. I’m not saying you can’t be an owner. I’m just saying that when you don’t invest dollars in your team, you LOSE your team. Just don’t think you are going to have a successful “franchise” with no cash. You might field a nice squad here or there, but is that what you really want? The goal should be to build a great franchise, an organization that generates success over time, an organization like the SF 49ers, the Green Bay Packers, and the Steelers. Ladies you should want to get with owners who have great franchises.

Salary Cap Space
For those ladies who are a bit clueless on NFL terminology, specifically the “salary cap”, I’ll break it down real quick. To keep a level playing field between the teams, the league instituted a cap on how much a particular organization can spend on its team. Basically, it prevents the League from ending up like baseball, i.e. having teams like the New York Yankees who spend a ton of money acquiring All-stars year-end and year-out, which means they win year-end and year-out. Now that the ladies understand what the Salary Cap is, let’s first discuss what the cap NEEDS to be or how it SHOULD work out there on “them” streets.

Roster Cuts
First off I really believe that roster cuts need to be implemented in order to clear cap space. Now I know that in the Coming Out-D/L Edition I said be greedy and don’t “give away dimes” and I’m here to say that I am sticking by that statement. However, I do believe we as true playas, need to trim the fat and “waive” those URS 6’s that are only bench warmers or what I call “cold weather” players (ones who are good enough to bang at home when it’s too cold to go out, but not good enough to take out when it’s hot). Basically, that $8 you’ve been spending on Blockbuster nights with the bench warmer can be used more effectively at acquiring free agents or new picks via the draft.

The Cap Number
What is the right cap number? Now this is the million-dollar question. I wish I could give one firm cap number but that would be extremely difficult given we got playas on this list who are truly east coast, west coast, and worldwide. I mean a dinner in San Francisco is quite different than a dinner in Atlanta or even London for that matter. Now there are some things, which are a clear violation of the cap. These violations are listed below in that classic TDRS format. I’d like to thank my girl Yas for giving me the, shall I say inspiration (?) to mention three of these violations.
1. Paying Her Rent: This is a clear violation and the owner should be abolished from the league for this type of behavior. Rent doesn’t get paid unless there is equivalent consideration or some sort quid pro quo arrangement. Just like Nas said in the Genuwine song: “Yeah, owe me back like you owe your tax Owe me back like forty acres to Blacks Pay me back when you shake it like that girl”
2. Paying for a “Ti-Tay” Job: Fellas, I understand that you want to make your players better but don’t spend cash on something that someone else will or can use to their advantage after a few years of being on your team. I mean this happens all of the time in the league or out there on them streets. Corporate America is the king of what we shall forever call paying for Ti Tays. How many times have you seen people go into an organization, learn their methodologies, take advantage of the educational reimbursement and once they become useful, dip and go for more of that “straight cash”? G-Tate, you Harvard boys do this all the time, but I ain’t mad at ya! However, as an owner I would be pretty damn pissed. Fellas, I know in the short term that the Ti Tay job would be cool, but you are only paying for someone else’s fun in the long run. Take advantage of what you got now and if she wants to improve herself in the off-season then let her finance this on her own. Now there are some things we can and at times should finance b/c we get the direct benefit now, such as:
a. Paying to get her hair done… every now and then
b. Paying for her to her nails done… Every now and then
c. Paying for the birth control pills… … Whenever she asks you to!
3. Paying for an inactive player to travel: I’m sorry but if sweetie pie is on the disabled or inactive list, then she can’t fly on the team plane. I’ve made this mistake before and I’m telling brothas around the world to not make the same mistake (you see TDRS is full of humility). I mean what can you do with an inactive player other than sit there and be pissed that they are on your payroll and not on the field?

The Luxury Tax
Ladies, when brothas exceed the salary cap (i.e. spending to much on y’all) they end up getting slapped with a luxury tax that is disbursed in some form or fashion to the other owners in the league. The following are two examples of luxury taxes some brothas are getting hit with out on them streets.
1. Kids- This is an 18-year tax and it ain’t all that fun to pay. See when brothas start spoiling them girls they get comfortable and some (and I said some) will resort to any means necessary to keep the paychecks coming, even if they have to share it with junior. Now that you are a baby daddy, the ladies go elsewhere and owners benefit.
2. STD’s-Some playas are getting caught up with some diseases that just don’t go away. I mean Mike Vick got the clap from somewhere right? I mean Mike may have more than just the clap, he may have what I call an ovation, which is more than one gift that keeps on giving, if you know what I mean. Fellas who fall victim to the “ovations” are not receiving encores from the fans and other owners benefit here too.

The Stadium
Fellas, I don’t need to discuss this in painful detail b/c we all know or should know that you can’t field a squad without having your OWN stadium. It doesn’t matter if you are using public or private financing, just make sure it’s your stadium and that it’s only used for your team. Unless you live in New York, where rent is a tad bit expensive, it is okay to have a “Meadowlands agreement”(a roommate) like the NY Jets and NY Giants. Just make sure that you and your roommate (other owner) schedule games to not fall on the same day! There are two more things to discuss about stadiums, which are outlined below:

Season Ticket Holders
Fellas, there is no such thing as season ticket holders in them streets. Just to clear any confusion a season ticket holder on them streets means they have rights that include: full access to your stadium (even worse they have a key), free concessions, and unlimited use of your restroom. TDRS has a problem with season ticket holders because they:
Don’t understand that as more fans want to come and watch the game, ticket prices increase! That nice hug, kiss and occasional kama sutra position is not going to cut it. If she doesn’t go for the price increase, let her know really quickly that there is a waiting list! Hey EB how many people are on the waiting list to watch Ron Mexico “burning” down the field to score touchdowns? As Dan Patrick will surely say this year on “SportsCenter”, “you can’t stop em, you can only hope to contain em”.

1. Can’t just be happy with hotdogs, hamburgers, and beer. Season ticket holders expect expensive a$$ wine and cheese or REAL food after the game. Who goes to dinner after a game?
2. Not only leave stuff behind (like their personal bathroom products-toothbrush, Vickey Secret lotion and body wash) but also leaves you broke from having to constantly replace toilet tissue. Yeah, Yeah, I know you ladies need to “pat” dry …… whatever!
3. Believe team paraphernalia is free. No it is not free and for the last time, I want my North Carolina sweater back (another wink for that girl from the L. I.). Fellas be careful here b/c she may rock some of your team nalia on them streets and let everyone know it came from your stadium, which is nothing but putting salt in your game. Let me just say that nalia includes such things as CARS!

The Owner’s Box
I don’t know who (probably Oprah) started this whole argument but it’s just bananas to me and that is this whole thing about not having a television in the bedroom (owner’s box). This is absolutely necessary and so long as the stadium rights are in the name of _____(fill in a playas name here), there will be a television in the box.

The Scouting Department
Behind every great team and owner is a great scouting department. Scouts are the key to success in the NFL b/c they know how to evaluate players and separate the truly awesome from the mediocre. Scouts also are great for finding that “diamond in the rough”. I’d be lying if I didn’t say the best scouts out there are women. The best female scouts are ones who:
1. Already have a man (or woman if she swings that way). Many brothas are out there using scouts who secretly want them, which is a total conflict of interest. Fellas don’t fall for this trap. When your good, single, female friend volunteers to hook you up, please watch out.
2. Already know what you want. A good scout doesn’t really need to ask questions, because she should know the type of squad you want and CAN (operative word here) field. When she starts asking you stuff like what are you looking for or the word why comes out of her mouth, then SHE (the would be scout) wants you and is only asking for her personal gain!
3. Are likely part of a “Crew”. As stated in last week’s edition, women that are part of a crew are just cool as hell and they know other chic’s who are cool as hell……So Quia (a.k.a. D-town UGK), Maya J (a.k.a. lil sis) who I know have crews, what’s up? I know this guy who writes these rants about nothing whose looking for a hookup.

Aside from scouts, the next best thing is a strong General Manager (GM). GM’s are those brotha’s who are married (Mohammed) or soon to be married (HGT) or even your dad. These guys are full of wisdom and that is TO DON’T BE IN A HURRY TO GET MARRIED. If you can still play, “why retire”?


The Draft
So all of this talk of salary cap, stadiums, scouts, and general managers has come to what we’ve all been waiting for and that is THE DRAFT. The Draft ladies and gentlemen can turn a mediocre team into a straight up powerhouse. A draft can make a strong team stronger. A draft can also make a bad team worse! There are risks in the draft, but if you got salary cap space and a good scouting department, you can do very well.

Conferences
It’s not a mistake that some of the top picks and best players out of the draft come from the best conferences. I mean we all know or should know that the best conference for draft picks is the MEAC (the Mid Eastern Athletic Conference). Most of you know this conference very well but just for those not in the know, the MEAC includes such schools as The Florida Agricultural & Mechanical University (we rattlers shoud start saying THE before our school name, it sounds cool), Howard University, and Hampton University. I’d be happy to argue with any man out there who can come up with a conference that pound for pound has more talent than the MEAC. I mean if you want to be real, FAMU can be like Norte Dame and become an Independent and do just as well. What’s crazy is that I’ll take my girls from FAMU’s illustrious Sybil C Mobley School of Business against any university in the country. Sorry to those who get tired of hearing FAMUans talk about themselves but if you don’t like it, you better learn to love it, because it’s the best thing going today! Whoooo! (Big shout out to all my bruh’s who loved that classic Ric Flair during the days of the 4-horsemen)

Anyway, FAMU aside, there is plenty of talent elsewhere on them streets. I mean quietly the little school down the hill FSU has some bangers. We know what Atlanta has via the AU center, but don’t sleep on those chicks from Kennesaw State. Texas has SMU and UT at Austin, but don’t sleep on them girls from the University of North Dallas, absolute all-stars!

Draft Mechanics
Basically the worst team in the league usually gets the first pick of the draft. What’s ironic is that it seems to be the same way out there on them streets. I can’t tell you how many losers out there who are consistently getting the first pick and this really pi$$es me off! This is all I have to say about the mechanics of the draft. Well, maybe not!

Anyway, just because you have a winning team doesn’t mean you are precluded from getting a high draft pick. There is always the option to trade-up. Conversely, if you don’t want to put up with the prima donnas who are typically associated with the high picks, you can trade down. The following are examples of brothas trading up or down to get better or more picks!

1. Brad Pitt trading Rachael, oops Jennifer Anniston for Angelina Jolie. I mean Jennifer was a good player, sort of Doug Flutie like, but with Angelina he got a “franchise quarterback”.
2. Eric Benet trading down. You know I was really upset with Eric for a long time but I’ve realized that something is wrong with Halle. FYI in a early 2002 TDRS I called this by saying Halle shouldn’t trust no man who walks in them streets barefoot. I guess she was still playing in character from the Flintstone’s movie. Halle is like Chris Weber or better yet Eddie George. The name sounds good, but she doesn’t have that explosive first step any more. Don’t get me wrong, Halle can play on my team, but I’m just saying something is wrong with this partially deaf, hit and run, chick!
3. Jay Z trading up for Beyonce. I mean could there have been any other way?
4. Ben Affleck trading down for Jennifer Garner. I mean J-Lo is like Randy Moss, unbelievable talent but is all about that straight cash and a pain to deal with.
5. Marcus Graham (Eddie Murphy) trading down (at least in the movie) from Jacqueline (Robin Givens) for Angela (Halle Berry). This was the classic trade down to get a much a better player or that diamond in the rough. I mean Robin was a definite All-star, a Michael Vick type, but low and behold Marcus found Angela, a Tom Brady type, a player who just wins!

Final Thoughts…..
For the last few years, owners with the best picks have been making some really dumb mistakes in the draft and it always hinges on whether or not to draft (i) the best player available for the position the team needs or (ii) drafting the best player available in the draft. Ya’ll already know what my position is on this and that is to ALWAYS take the best player available. I mean the less talented players will be available later in the draft and if for some reason another team picks them don’t worry because there are plenty of players left on them streets.

HollaAtYaBoy!