TDRS: The Cinco De Mayo Edition

What up Fam, What up Folk, it’s ya boy, and ya’ll thought I was only going to send you some wack attempt at writing a novel. Wrong! It’s Friday, May 5, 2006 and my city, the A, A-Town, or what is popularly known as the ATL (and the U.S. for that matter), is gearing up for Cinco De Mayo. Maybe it’s just me, but wouldn’t you be offended if the day the slaves were freed became a day whereby millions celebrated by cutting limes and filling bottles of corona with Alize? For the last month it’s been immigration this and immigration that, yet today, May 5th, it will all be forgotten. Ya’ll know I am a history buff, so I ‘ll drop a little piece of knowledge before spitting that hot fire. Cinco de Mayo is not techinically Mexican Independence Day; that is actually September 16. Today commemorates the Mexican militia’s victory over the French in the Mexican state capital city of Puebla. This edition is sort like a Burrito…there is a lot $hit wrapped in a big tortilla….

Immigration
I tried really hard to not comment on this whole immigration thing, because as most of you know, my name is Ricardo and I feel some sort of connection…Yeah right! As my boy Carlos Lawton (aka Pete Wheatstraw, aka “tell em why you mad”, aka “Home Depot Stasher”), so eloquently stated at a country breakfast with the “Crew”, “How are they (immigrants) going to fight when they are here illegally and not citizens. It’s really, really, simple to me and maybe its b/c I am decendant of a slave…one who worked for free and in some cases fought for this country (with a crapy pair of boots I might add…only my girl Eb would figure out the Glory plug). It’s really easy to pull the “they take jobs we don’t want card”, but that is a bunch of b.s. Immigration is nothing more than organized slavery and those who turn a blind eye to it are those who benefit the most…just like the slave masters of 1600, 1700 and 1800s. We know the janitors at Walmart are illegal, but they claim it’s the sub-contractors job to determine that…come on now! Walmart knows that there is no way a subcontractor can be profitable at the contract rate they negotiated, unless, they hired some really cheap labor. And Wal-Mart has the nerve to blame it on American’s appetite for cheap goods. America was built on free labor and then found an even cheaper way to win via machinery. Can’t wait to see how “they” will be replaced in the coming years.

Hoe Games
Now back to the irregularly scheduled TDRS…. With every edition that I write, I spend days thinking about the title…. No lie. If the title is lame, then the TDRS is usually just okay. However, if it is one of those titles that everyone relates to, then it lays the groundwork for a true classic. Today is hopefully no exception. Yes, I have been in a great relationship and out of the “game”, but let me tell you that the game doesn’t change. If anything, when a brotha is on lockdown, his mind is actually free and his thoughts are crystal clear. The game just slows down and is easier to navigate through. Let me just say that Bruhs on lockdown have eyes in their back of their head; they have great court vision. My fellow LB’s (lockdown brothers) are truly court generals and it truly pleases us to distribute the ball so that another may score.

The title of this edition can be attributed to a convo with my fellow LB a few months ago, who is actually an LB4L, (Lockdown Bruh 4 Life). Our discussion was somewhat hilarious in that there were a number of situations (including us and some of our friends) in the past that we couldn’t really understand nor explain, but all sudden, really understood. Of course, these were situations regarding women. Now before I get in trouble, let me say that I aint calling out anyone in particular, b/c everyone is guilty. Remember the game doesn’t change, so I am writing about past experiences that I am sure hold true today. It’s one thing to be hoe, it’s quite another to be hoe”ish”. One more thing, and it’s the most significant point of this TDRS, there are games that women play, but there are also games that hoes play and it is past time that someone discusses the difference.

Hos are like sports fisherman. They go out on the boat, put on on the gear, and use the best bait and tackle in the world, yet when they catch a fish, they thow it back. You are guilty of being a fish”ho”man if you’ve done the following:

You go to a popular sports bar, knowing full well you can care less about sports.
Double whammy if you wear a football jersey and don’t know whom the player is.
Triple Whammy if you went on google b/4 going to the bar to make it seem like you knew everything about said player.

Hoes just don’t go on any boat to fish. They have boats equipped with the latest technology that indicate where all the big fish are located. There is the rare case where a hoe keeps her catch, but it’s not to eat, rather it’s taken to a taxidermist so it can be displayed somwhere for all to see. If the metaphors are confusing you, then hopefully the following will help you determine if she is a hoe or just has “hoe-ish” tendacies:

The calendar in her Microsoft Outlook actually sends a reminder of the dates for the NBA All-Star game…probably a Hoe!
She actually knows where the last black sports agent convention occurred. Even worse if she actually attended the last black sports agent’s convention…definitely a hoe!
She says she knows such and such celebrity by name and that celebrity doesn’t know her from Adam…hoe.
She is about 5ft tall w/o heels, but with the ones in her closet she’s closer to 6’5…hoeish, but not a hoe.
She waits until you get a girlfriend before she wants to actually holla…hoeish.
She’ll sleep with you and tell you to leave your girlfriend and then turn around and team up with your girlfriend to show the world how much of a dog you are…hoe.
She thinks all men aren’t s#ht, yet sleeps with married men…hoe.
She tells you she’s “late”…two months after the fact. I like to call this these types, “fly” fishermen. The don’t just cast the bait and wait…they do it continuously until they come up with something that sticks and there is no better bait, than “baby” bait…crazy hoe.



Quick Blurb on the NFL draft
Last year, TDRS discussed things like the salary cap and how that impacts draft day decisions. We went into detail regarding the stadium and how that plays into an owners draft day strategy. We talked about fielding a squad as opposed to a crew. As a treat for the clueless ladies out there who wonder why their men would rather sit on the couch for 2 days to watch the draft, I am going to shall I say put this year’s draft into perspective for you.

Ladies, this year’s draft like all drafts, was eagerly awaited by milions and millions of fans…most of them men. The draft has become more of an event than what it actually is, a showcase of teams handing out offer letters to whom they want to work for them. If you have a man, that’s really a man, you’ve had to have heard the top names in this years draft…Reggie Bush, Vince Young, Matt Leinart, etc. Yes, they are some of the top names, but it’s highly likely that none of them will make as big an impact in the league than say, a D’Brickshaw Fergueson.

To put it blunt, the Houston Texans stunk last year and you can probably blame it on the coaching, but it also has to do with a lack of talent. Because they stunk last year, the Texans had the first pick in the draft and therefore could choose whomever they wanted. What’s interesting about the Texans is that they have a highly paid quarterback, the have a solid running back, and a couple of nice recievers, yet they were likely to choose Reggie Bush (a running back) with the first pick.

Ladies, you are faced with this dilemna all of the time, well maybe just once in lifetime. To you, it seems that your man has everything you need, except for a few minor things that can be corrected. Well that’s all fine and dandy until a Reggie Bush comes along. I mean if you are sitting at home with a 7 (okay borderline 6) and a straight up 10 comes along, whatta ya gonna do? It’s easy to say that you’re just going to ride it out with your man (playa) for the long run, but wouldn’t you feel guilty as hell for letting a guy soooo talented and rare get picked up by someone else. Thiswas problem number one for the Texans!

Problem number #2 for the Texans is more of a problem we bruhs have. Let’s say we figure out that we need to cut that borderline 6 and opt for the dime. The problem is that the dime, probably knows she’s a dime and will demand some serious compensation in whatever form she can get. The Texans were facing this problem as well. And guess, what they didn’t choose Reggie.

HollaAtYaBoy